Key Concepts
Marriage buddy, buddy culture, performative relationship, societal pressure, declining marriage rates, rising divorce rates, declining birth rates, one-child policy, social media influence, lavender marriage, friendship marriage.
Marriage Buddies in China: A Growing Trend
This episode of "What in the World" from the BBC World Service explores the rising trend of "marriage buddies" among young people in China. A marriage buddy is someone a person teams up with to appear married, primarily to satisfy parental expectations, while maintaining separate lives.
The Buddy Culture and Marriage Buddies
The concept stems from the broader "buddy culture" in China, where individuals seek companions for various activities (running, travel, etc.) via social media. A marriage buddy is an extreme version of this, where individuals enter a marriage-like arrangement with clear boundaries and distance. This can include separate finances, friend circles, living arrangements, and lack of intimate relations. It's essentially a relationship with many boundaries and distance.
Reasons for Choosing Marriage Buddies
- Parental Pressure: Older generations expect those over 30 to marry and have children. Linda, interviewed in the segment, is seeking a marriage buddy to fulfill her grandfather's wish.
- Economic Struggles: Post-COVID economic challenges, high unemployment rates among young people, and the high cost of living in urban areas make marriage and family commitments seem daunting. Many young people are struggling to live alone and don't want the added responsibilities of a family.
- Individualism: Those born under China's one-child policy (the 90s generation) grew up independent and accustomed to a free life, making them reluctant to share their lives with a spouse.
- Compromise: Marriage buddies offer a middle ground - fulfilling familial expectations while maintaining a single life. It is seen as a way to be a "good child" while prioritizing personal freedom.
Data on Marriage and Divorce in China
China is experiencing its lowest marriage rates since the 1980s, alongside rising divorce rates and declining birth rates.
The Role of Social Media
Social media, particularly platforms like Red Book, play a crucial role in facilitating the marriage buddy trend. Algorithms make it easy to find potential partners. Individuals can transition from strangers to discussing marriage rapidly.
Practicalities and Legal Aspects
Most individuals seeking marriage buddies on social media prefer to avoid legal documentation of the marriage. They are open to weddings and family gatherings but prefer no marriage certificate. This is because the arrangement is driven by societal pressure, and participants want a "no strings attached" relationship that is easy to exit.
Handling Romantic Relationships Outside the "Marriage"
Linda explained that she and her prospective marriage buddy agreed to be free to date and have intimate relationships with others. Should either of them fall in love or want to end the arrangement, it should be easily dissolved.
Performative Relationship
The "marriage buddy" arrangement is largely a performative relationship, designed to present a certain image to parents and society. This requires concealing the true nature of the arrangement to avoid parental disapproval.
Marriage Buddies vs. Friendship Marriage
Wanqing mentioned the term "friendship marriage" which is a new trend in Japan where you marry a friend and you share a house together but you don't have any sexual intimate relationship.
Potential for Hiding Sexual Orientation
While the current marriage buddy trend is distinct, the presenter raised the valid question as to whether marriage buddies is happening so that young people can hide their sexual orientation. Wanqing stated that it has been practiced in decades long for China's LGBT community, lesbians and gays, couple together and get married, and then they go to their parents together and say, 'oh, now we are married.' To hide their sexual orientation, which is also known as lavender marriage.
Evolving Views on Love
The trend reflects a significant shift in the young generation's perception of relationships. They don't see love as a necessity or a luxury to be earned, rather something they can forgo if other needs are met. The focus shifts towards companionship and shared interests.
Conclusion
The marriage buddy trend in China highlights the clash between traditional expectations and the evolving priorities of young people in a rapidly changing society. It represents a compromise driven by economic pressures, individualistic values, and the pervasive influence of social media. The trend also raises questions about the changing meaning of love, marriage, and relationships in modern China.
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