Why people in China are seeking parental love online - What in the World podcast, BBC World Service

Key Concepts

• Digital Parents (网络父母 – Wǎngluò fùmǔ): Individuals, primarily middle-aged men and women in China, who create online content (videos, text messages) expressing parental love and care.
• Xiaohongshu (小红书 – Xiǎohóngshū): A popular Chinese social media and e-commerce platform where many "digital parent" videos are shared.
• Douyin (抖音 – Dǒuyīn): The Chinese version of TikTok, another key platform for this trend.
• Parental Governance (家长式治理 – Jiāzhǎngshì zhìlǐ): A concept describing how Chinese parental love is often expressed through discipline and high expectations, rooted in a broader political context.
• One-Child Policy (独生子女政策 – Dúshēng zǐnǚ zhèngcè): A policy implemented in China from the 1970s to limit most families to one child, contributing to increased pressure on only children.
• Gen Z Pressure: The significant pressures faced by young Chinese adults regarding employment, societal expectations, and family obligations.

The Rise of "Digital Parents" in China: A Detailed Overview

This podcast episode from BBC’s “What in the World” explores a burgeoning internet trend in China: individuals seeking emotional support and parental affection from “digital parents” – online content creators who simulate loving and supportive parental figures. The trend highlights a complex interplay of societal pressures, cultural norms, and the impact of China’s one-child policy.

The Phenomenon of Digital Parenthood

The core of this trend lies in videos and text messages posted on platforms like Xiaohongshu and Douyin. These “digital parents,” typically aged between 50 and 60, express love and encouragement towards their “digital children” – the viewers of their content. One digital parent, interviewed by Douyin, initially began documenting his life with his daughter but realized the broader appeal of his content stemmed from a lack of openly expressed affection in many families. He continues to create videos, motivated by comments from viewers who have lost parents, or who never received such expressions of love from their own. These videos routinely garner over a million likes and tens of thousands of comments.

Community and Connection in the Comments Section

The impact of this trend extends beyond the videos themselves. The comments sections have become a crucial element, fostering a unique online community. Strangers connect with each other, offering support and empathy to those struggling with work, exams, or strained relationships with their real-life parents. Users share their experiences and offer advice, creating a space for mutual comfort and validation. As Eunice Yang, a BBC reporter based in Hong Kong, explains, “It’s not the influencer or the posters who are going to respond. It’s the strangers who are very actively coming back to the comments chart and just sending condolences to each other.”

Underlying Causes: Pressure, Cultural Norms, and the One-Child Policy

The podcast identifies several key factors driving the demand for “digital parents.”

• Rising Pressure on Gen Z: The economic climate in China presents significant challenges for young adults. In 2023, nearly half of Chinese graduates were unable to find employment, contributing to immense pressure and anxiety.
• Cultural Restraint in Expressing Affection: Traditionally, Asian parents, particularly in China, rarely express love directly. Instead, care is often conveyed through strict discipline and high expectations. This is linked to a concept called “parental governance,” where discipline is seen as a form of love and a means of ensuring success. An assistant professor from the University of Toronto explained to the BBC that in China, “politics takes the form of parental love… it is more about discipline legitimised with a parental framework rather than the love in terms of emotion, in terms of caring.”
• Impact of the One-Child Policy: Introduced in the 1970s to control population growth, the one-child policy resulted in a generation of only children facing immense pressure to succeed and fulfill their parents’ expectations. This lack of siblings also removed a potential source of emotional support and peer discussion. As Iqra notes, “If you have siblings, and then these are the things you perhaps can discuss with your siblings rather than with someone, a stranger on the internet, the digital parents.”
• Internal and External Mobility: Many young Chinese adults move away from their hometowns for education or work, increasing both the pressure to succeed and the physical distance from their families. This distance exacerbates anxieties about parental care and adds to the need for emotional support.

Real-World Application & Personal Testimony

The podcast features a testimonial from a young tech worker in Shanghai who maintains a distant relationship with his parents. He describes feeling unsure if his parents’ expectations stemmed from love or a sense of duty. He found solace in “digital parent” videos, appreciating their straightforward expressions of affection. He acknowledges the possibility that these videos are performative but still finds them valuable, stating, “This showed me another possibility when we see parents.”

Future Trends and Reflections

Eunice Yang suggests the trend is evolving, with some actual parents now reflecting on their communication styles and creating content aimed at improving their relationships with their children. This indicates a potential shift towards greater openness and emotional expression within Chinese families.

Notable Quotes

• Digital Parent (via Douyin interview): “I need to keep uploading these videos, even if there's one more child, digital child that's there, yearning for more care from him, he's going to send more videos because he just came to realise that it's not all families are filled with love.”
• University of Toronto Assistant Professor: “There is something that I call parental governance in the case of China, where politics takes the form of parental love.”
• Tech Worker in Shanghai: “This showed me another possibility when we see parents.”

Data and Statistics

• Employment Rate (2023): Approximately half of Chinese graduates were unable to find employment.
• Video Engagement: “Digital parent” videos easily amass over a million likes and at least 20,000 comments on social media.

Synthesis/Conclusion

The rise of “digital parents” in China is a compelling illustration of how individuals are leveraging the internet to address emotional needs unmet in their offline lives. Driven by societal pressures, cultural norms, and the legacy of the one-child policy, this trend highlights a yearning for unconditional love and support. The online communities forming around these videos demonstrate the power of digital spaces to provide comfort, validation, and a sense of belonging, particularly for a generation facing unique challenges. The trend also suggests a potential for positive change, prompting some parents to reflect on their communication styles and strive for more open and affectionate relationships with their children.