Why kindness is an essential leadership competency | Robin Young | TEDxOshawa

Key Concepts

• Leadership Competency
• Kindness in Leadership
• Ripple Effect of Unkindness/Kindness
• Toxic Leadership
• Results-Driven vs. People-Centric Leadership
• Professionalism and Kindness
• Emotional Intelligence in Leadership

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The Disconnect in Defining Great Leadership

The speaker initiates with an interactive exercise, asking the audience to Google "Why is my boss?" The common auto-suggestions like "so mean to me" or "suddenly micromanaging me" highlight a prevalent frustration among employees regarding their leaders. This leads to the core question: "What makes a leader great?"

A significant disconnect is observed between how leaders and their team members define great leadership:

• Leaders' Perspective: Often emphasize "driving results" and "getting their teams to achieve their targets."
• Team Members' Perspective: Prioritize qualities like "empathy" and "listening."

This disparity suggests that while leaders are indeed meant to guide people to achieve results, the intense focus on outcomes often leads to achieving them "at any cost," frequently overlooking the impact on individuals and teams. The speaker argues that no leader starts with a "success at any cost" mindset, but the corporate culture, which consistently rewards results but rarely kindness, can push leaders towards high-stress agendas, causing them to forget compassionate traits.

Kindness as a Crucial, Overlooked Leadership Competency

The speaker defines kindness simply as "being a good person," "wanting to help," and "being considerate." While leadership is typically framed around competencies like "driving strategy" and "navigating ambiguity and change," kindness is presented as a crucial, yet frequently overlooked, leadership competency.

To illustrate the impact of unkindness, the audience is asked to recall a time a leader (manager, parent, coach) was unkind to them. This exercise powerfully demonstrates the "ripple effect of unkindness," showing how a single unkind act can immediately and profoundly alter one's day, week, year, or even life, and how this effect spreads.

The Problem of Toxic Leadership:

• Unkindness is common in corporate culture because success is often measured solely by "Did we get the job done?" and "Did we get our teams to achieve their goals?" without considering "How did we get it done?" and "At what cost?"
• The practice of promoting individuals based solely on their ability to drive results, without factoring in their interpersonal approach, has the potential to foster "toxic leadership." A show of hands from the audience confirms that "toxic leaders are everywhere in every organization," underscoring the widespread nature of this issue, which the speaker attributes to the neglect of kindness as a leadership competency.

The Positive Impact of Kindness and Addressing Misconceptions

Kindness is presented as a foundational element for a healthy organizational culture:

• It "creates a culture of trust, of collaboration and support."
• When employees experience these conditions, they are "more likely to give their best work," directly linking the "ripple effect of kindness" to increased productivity.

The speaker addresses common misconceptions about kindness in a professional setting:

• Kindness vs. Weakness: The idea that being kind might lead to being perceived as weak or not taken seriously is challenged.
• Kindness vs. Professionalism: The false dichotomy between professionalism (often equated with being "firm and resolute") and kindness (seen as "emotional and soft") is debunked.
• Reality: Kindness and professionalism are not mutually exclusive. True "professional kindness" involves approaching "hard conversations with empathy, with respect, and a genuine desire to help others grow."

Integrating Kindness into Corporate Recognition

The current corporate culture is criticized for having numerous ways to recognize and celebrate results (linking them to promotions, bonuses, and succession), but rarely acknowledging or rewarding kindness. To "redefine great leadership," the speaker argues that kindness must be recognized and celebrated, placing it "on the same pedestal as performance."

To make kindness a priority, the speaker suggests:

• Setting "targets for kindness."
• Creating "programs of recognition for kindness." This would provide tangible goals and incentives, ensuring kindness is actively pursued and achieved within organizations.

A Practical Three-Step Process for Leaders

The speaker shares a personal anecdote about a manager named Laura, who, when the speaker was frustrated by unchangeable "big things," offered a piece of advice on a decorative plate. While Laura's specific advice ("swearing might help") was therapeutic, it didn't drive change.

The speaker then introduces a practical, actionable "three-step process" for leaders to implement immediately, focusing on creating a "small ripple effect":

1. Pause.
2. Take a breath.
3. Choose kindness.

This "simple three-step mental script" is designed to help leaders navigate the most challenging aspect of being kind: maintaining kindness "when you are stressed and under pressure." The speaker asserts that if every leader adopted this small act, kindness would not just become a priority but "second nature." This process is also noted to be effective in personal relationships.

Conclusion: The Synergy of Results and Kindness

The overarching message is that leaders do not need to choose between "driving results and being kind." These two qualities "actually go really well together." The speaker concludes by emphasizing that remembering and prioritizing the "leadership competency of kindness" would lead to a better environment for everyone.