Quit the Life That’s Killing You (Before It’s Too Late)

Key Concepts:

• Grief processing
• Self-discovery and identity
• Desire and personal expectations vs. external expectations
• Letting go of control
• The power of "no" and setting boundaries
• Quitting vs. staying
• Body wisdom and embodiment
• Imagination and creation
• Social media impact
• Authenticity and vulnerability
• The importance of real connections
• Treat Media: Art for humans who want to stay human

1. Genesis of "We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions"

• The book emerged organically from conversations and shared experiences between Glennon Doyle, Amanda Doyle, and Abby Wambach during a period of collective loss and uncertainty.
• They were all facing significant personal challenges: Glennon's anorexia diagnosis, Amanda's breast cancer diagnosis, and Abby's brother's death.
• The authors started emailing each other "glimmers" of wisdom and insights from their conversations and podcast.
• A friend who received these files described them as "the most helpful thing anyone has ever sent me" and suggested creating a version for every challenge in life.
• The book is based on 20 core questions that address deeper struggles beneath surface-level issues.
  • Examples: "Why am I like this?", "Who am I really?", "How do I know when I've lost myself?", "How do I return to myself?", "How do I figure out what I want?", "How do I do the hard things?", "How do I let go?"

2. Doing Hard Things and Honoring Self

• The book explores the tension between honoring oneself and honoring others' expectations.
• Glennon shares an insight: "Most of my suffering errors began because I was avoiding doing a single hard thing that I knew I had to do."
• Key question: "Do I abandon everyone's expectations of me and honor myself, or do I continue to honor everyone's expectations of me and abandon myself?"
• Marie Forleo describes feeling like she's "simultaneously a mess and wonderful" and realizing she's been prioritizing others' expectations for years.
• Amanda emphasizes that doing hard things is constant, but it's crucial to ensure it's the right kind of hard, aligned with one's true desires.

3. Figuring Out What You Want

• Glennon notes that figuring out what you want is difficult if you've never practiced it.
• She describes her body as a reliable guide, shutting down or getting sick when she's not aligned with her desires.
• Amanda's "self-abandonment symptom one" is hating everyone, followed by the "robot" shutdown.
• She emphasizes that it's her responsibility to know her limits, wants, and boundaries.
• Saying "no" is portrayed as a powerful act of self-protection and a contagious wave of freedom.
• Glennon and Liz Gilbert's insight: "Disappoint" means to "un-appoint" someone as the guide of your life and re-appoint yourself.

4. Quitting and Letting Go

• Amanda's quote: "If you're trying to decide whether or not to quit something, the truth is you're quitting something either way. Which quit do you choose? Leaving something and rocking the boat is hard, but so is staying in something and slowly dying inside. Which hard are you gonna choose?"
• Amanda quit drinking as a "greater yes" to herself.
• She also emphasizes quitting the idea of controlling everything, even if it was adaptive in the past.
• Abby initially tried to "power through" grief after her brother's death but realized she needed to stay in the grief and process it.
• She used her competitive nature to commit to a year of grieving.
• Grief is not something to be wrapped up but accepted as a lifelong companion.

5. Body Wisdom and Embodiment

• Glennon: "You cannot live off menu if all you're connected to is your mind because all your mind is is software that has been programmed."
• Bodies are instinctual and never lie.
• Amanda emphasizes the importance of embodiment, connecting with the body to access true desires.
• Abby uses IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy and focuses on physical sensations to access deeper emotions.
• She starts sentences with "In my body, I'm experiencing..." to connect with her physical and emotional state.
• Glennon's therapist asks her where she feels emotions in her body to help her locate them earlier as warning signs.
• Glennon found that social media was negatively impacting her body, leading her to disconnect.

6. Ordering Off the Menu of Life

• Glennon describes feeling annoyed by women who "order off the menu of life" because it makes her feel like it's too late for her.
• Abby's bold food choices at restaurants are an example of living life on her own terms.
• Glennon's tip for off-menu orderers: Start sentences with "By any chance could I get..." to give the other person a sense of control.
• Glennon: "We are just not primed to receive women who are unapologetically know what they want and get it."
• It's important to cultivate the benefit of feeling empowered to counteract the pushback.
• Marie's designer champions her assertive communication style, recognizing that she's "built to beat deadlines."

7. Imagination and Creation

• Glennon: "We must start accepting that what we can imagine, we can also create."
• She encourages conjuring up the truest, most beautiful life and writing it down as "marching orders."
• Marie's phrase: "Wouldn't it be cool if..." as a lifeline for creating precious things.
• She uses colored gel pens and a large-format notebook to spark creativity.
• Glennon: "Everything in our world whenever anyone starts to you know doubt this idea everything that you're living right now was something that someone else thought was cool at some point."
• It's important to include ourselves in the process of imagining and creating.

8. Social Media and Authenticity

• Glennon got off social media after realizing it was affecting her body and joy.
• She describes it as a similar experience to quitting drinking.
• Marie initially thought she was weak for not being able to handle social media.
• She realized she was more sensitive to energy than she wanted to believe.
• Glennon started a newsletter to connect with people vulnerably without the negative impact of social media.
• She emphasizes the importance of real connections over followers and comments.
• Abby notes that real friendships require vulnerability and effort.

9. Treat Media

• Glennon and her team created Treat Media to make art for humans who want to stay human.
• The company aims to create art that promotes joy, delight, and shared humanity.
• The "Treat seal" will be a symbol of art made with the intention of keeping everyone human.
• The company will produce podcasts, books, films, and events.

10. Conclusion

The conversation emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, authenticity, and connection in navigating life's challenges. The book "We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life's 20 Questions" serves as a guide for self-discovery, boundary-setting, and living a life aligned with one's true desires. The authors encourage readers to embrace their imperfections, prioritize their well-being, and create a world that reflects their values.