How to be confident (even if you’re not) | Montana von Fliss | TEDxBellevueWomen

Key Concepts

• Confidence in public speaking
• Nonverbal communication (body language, vocal delivery)
• Strategic pausing
• Purposeful practice
• Self-talk and mental preparation (silent sentence)
• Overcoming anxiety and perfectionism

1. Introduction: The Captain Analogy

The video begins by illustrating the importance of projecting confidence as a speaker using the analogy of a boat captain. The speaker contrasts two scenarios: one where the captain appears nervous and unsure, and another where the captain exudes confidence. The key takeaway is that the speaker, like a captain, sets the tone for the audience's experience.

• Example: The "nervous captain" vs. the "confident captain" demonstrates the impact of presentation on audience perception.

2. Five Tips for Projecting Confidence

The core of the video presents five actionable tips for appearing confident, even when feeling nervous.

2.1. Turn Up the Energy and Speak Up

• Key Point: Increasing vocal volume and energy levels projects confidence.
• Specific Detail: Aim for a "5" on a scale of 1 to 10 for energy level.
• Explanation: A slightly elevated energy level conveys preparedness, positivity, and confidence.

2.2. Pause Like a Boss

• Key Point: Strategic pausing is more effective than nervous filler words ("um," "like").
• Methodology: Use pauses for transition, emphasis, and to create a sense of control.
• Contrast: Avoid both rapid-fire speaking and artificially slow, drawn-out speech.

2.3. Superhero Stance

• Key Point: Adopting confident body language influences audience perception.
• Methodology: Assume a "superhero stance" to improve posture, eye contact, and facial expression.
• Application: Use the superhero stance backstage or subtly incorporate elements of it onstage.
• Explanation: "Make the shape of a confident person" – even if you don't feel it, the audience will perceive confidence.

2.4. Practice with Purpose

• Key Point: Deliberate practice is crucial for building confidence and fluency.
• Methodology:
  • Create a rehearsal schedule.
  • Set specific goals for each practice session.
  • Layer in one new confident captain technique each day.
  • Run through the entire presentation at least once a day in the week leading up to the event.
  • Practice the opening and closing three times in a row if a full run-through isn't possible.
• Specific Detail: Don't be afraid of over-practicing; use bullet point speaker notes to avoid sounding robotic.
• Emphasis: Practice should mimic the actual presentation environment (standing, speaking aloud, using slides).
• Analogy: Compares practicing a speech to practicing a musical instrument – you wouldn't perform a piece for the first time at a concert.

2.5. The Silent Sentence

• Key Point: Internal self-talk significantly impacts performance.
• Methodology:
  1. Identify unhelpful thoughts and anxieties.
  2. Determine your deeper purpose or desired outcome for the presentation.
  3. Craft a "silent sentence" that aligns with your purpose and replaces negative self-talk.
  4. Practice the silent sentence alongside the spoken content.
• Personal Anecdote: The speaker shares her experience with stage fright and how developing a silent sentence helped her overcome it.
• Example Silent Sentences:
  • "I want to help my audience to the best of my ability."
  • "I invite you to be here with me while I am here with you so that I can make this easier for you."
• Explanation: The silent sentence acts as an "override switch" to prioritize your purpose and create a sense of presence.
• Application: Integrate the silent sentence into your rehearsal process, repeating it silently before and after speaking aloud.
• Key Statement: "What we tell ourselves really matters. We follow our own instructions all day long."

3. Overcoming Discomfort and Embracing Authenticity

The speaker acknowledges that implementing these techniques may initially feel uncomfortable. She encourages viewers to remember the feeling of relief and safety that a confident speaker provides to the audience. By consciously choosing to project confidence, speakers can create a more positive and engaging experience for their listeners.

4. Conclusion: Giving the Gift of Confidence

The video concludes by emphasizing that projecting confidence is a gift you give to your audience. By embracing these techniques, speakers can create a safe and enjoyable experience for their listeners, and potentially even have fun themselves.