Your behaviours, their reality | Vicky O'Farrell | TEDxGuildford

Key Concepts:

• Ripple effect of behavior
• Impact on others and future generations
• Intentional behavior
• Contagious behavior
• Normalizing behavior
• Owning your impact

1. Introduction: The Impact of Our Behavior

• The speaker opens by posing the question: "Have you ever wondered what it's like to be on the receiving end of you?" This emphasizes the impact of our words, tone, eye contact, body language, and facial expressions on others.
• She highlights that our behavior has a "ripple effect" on those around us, whether we are leaders, colleagues, friends, or family.
• In today's "always on tech saturated world," this impact is even more significant, influencing teams, company cultures, and the next generation.
• The speaker questions whether we are building a generation of "strong, resilient game changers" or "doomscrolling, screen dependent followers."
• She urges the audience to "own your impact for a sustainable future," warning that failure to do so will "stifle ideas," "crush creativity," and "not encourage growth."
• Behavior is contagious: "Behavior drives behavior." The question is, what do you want people to catch?

2. Story 1: Mobile Phone Behavior

• The speaker recounts an experience at a London train station where she observed that all adults were on their phones.
• Children, however, were observing the adults' behavior, learning that using phones is what adults do when they stop and stand still.
• She extends this observation to restaurants and coffee shops, noting how often people immediately take out their phones upon sitting down.
• This behavior sends the message that "something or someone is more important than this moment we are creating now."
• The speaker shares that she has banned phones at the dinner table at home and will ask others to put their phones away when out with them.
• Even turning a phone upside down on the table still conveys the message that something else is more important.
• Using phones while others are talking is considered rude, like interrupting a TED talk.

3. Story 2: Smoking and Vaping

• The speaker reflects on growing up in the 70s and 80s when smoking was prevalent and accepted everywhere.
• She recalls making an ashtray in pottery class as a gift for her parents, highlighting how normalized smoking was.
• At 16, she started smoking herself, seeing it as normal adult behavior.
• The speaker expresses concern about the rise of vaping, even among people who never smoked, and the unknown long-term health risks.
• She questions what message this sends to children: "Are we saying that when you become an adult, stick something in your gob, pull, puff out a load of smoke?"
• This is not the ripple effect that we need to be passing on to the next generation.

4. Story 3: Road Rage

• The speaker describes how other drivers' behavior can trigger anger and aggression while driving.
• Actions like pulling out at a junction, not maneuvering correctly, or overtaking can transform a "nice driver" into an "angry driver."
• She questions the impact of this behavior on children in the back of the car, teaching them that it's acceptable to "bib your horn, swear at them, and stick your fingers up at them" if you disagree with someone's driving.
• To change this narrative, she suggests pausing and reframing the situation, for example, thinking, "Oh, I see indicators are an optional extra on your car."
• The key is to pause, breathe, sit back, and change the narrative in your mind.

5. The Domino Effect of Behavior

• The speaker shifts from the "ripple effect" to the concept of dominoes, visualizing how one behavior can set off a chain reaction.
• She encourages the audience to "be the domino brick that steps aside and stops that ripple."
• The more intentional we are with our behaviors, the more positive impact we can have on the world and the next generation.
• Repeated patterns become normalized in others' lives.

6. Conclusion: Owning Your Impact

• The speaker reiterates the importance of building "strong, resilient, game changers" rather than "doomscrolling, screen dependent followers."
• She emphasizes that it is up to each individual to be intentional with their behaviors and create a positive impact.
• The words we use, the tone we deliver them in, our eye contact, body language, and facial expressions all matter.
• She urges the audience to "let the words you use be something that people remember kindly," "let your presence be something that people feel safe in," and "let your behaviors not just be who you want to be in the world, but how you want the world to be now and in the future."
• The speaker concludes by asking, "What is it like to be on the receiving end of you?"

Main Takeaways:

Our behaviors have a profound and far-reaching impact on others, especially the next generation. By being more intentional and mindful of our actions, we can create a positive ripple effect and contribute to a better future. It is crucial to examine our habits and challenge normalized behaviors that may be detrimental, such as excessive phone use, vaping, and road rage. Ultimately, we have the power to choose the kind of impact we want to have on the world.