Why You Keep Breaking Promises to Yourself (and How to Stop) | Walt Brown | TEDxAtlanta

Key Concepts

Promises, Trust, Self-Promises, Interpersonal Promises, Workplace Promises, Core Values, Accountability, Shared Humanity, Collaboration, Cooperation.

Personal Promises and the Role of Acceptance

The speaker confesses to being a "serial promise breaker," particularly regarding personal goals like weight loss or dietary restrictions. He highlights the ineffectiveness of self-promises, even when written down or reinforced with habit-building techniques. He attributes this failure to Steven Darwal, a Yale professor of philosophy, who states that a promise requires two people: a promiser and a promisee. The promise must also be accepted to have power. The speaker argues that self-promises fail because they lack this crucial element of acceptance from another person. He suggests seeking help from others and having them promise to support you, thereby creating a valid promise with shared energy.

Promises at Work and Building Trust

The speaker, a management consultant, discusses the impact of promises on trust within organizations. He observes that companies often make promises, sometimes unknowingly, through job descriptions, core values, and meeting structures. These promises, when accepted by employees, form the basis of trust. However, when these promises are broken, trust erodes, leading to dysfunction.

Examples:

• Hydraulics and Tommy: A high-performing employee, Tommy, consistently violated company core values and procedures, breaking promises and damaging trust. Removing Tommy allowed the company to uphold its promises and rebuild trust. This is analogized to removing a fly from a bowl of pudding, allowing the pudding (the company) to return to its original state.
• Security Inc. and Susie: The production team established a structured weekly meeting format, fostering trust and productivity. However, the founder, Susie, disrupted the meeting by disregarding the agenda and dominating the conversation, undermining the team's established promises.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of companies being mindful of the promises they make, ensuring employee acceptance, and implementing systems to support promise-keeping.

The Formula for Trust and Shared Humanity

The speaker concludes by presenting a formula: Promises Made + Promises Accepted + Promises Kept = Trust. He argues that trust is the foundation of shared humanity, enabling collaboration and cooperation, even among those with differing viewpoints. He advocates for slowing down and focusing on making, accepting, and keeping promises as a means of building a more collaborative and trusting world.

Notable Quote:

"Promises that are made plus promises that are accepted plus promises that are kept form the bedrock of trust and trust in turn is the foundation of our shared humanity."

Synthesis/Conclusion

The core message is that promises, particularly when made and accepted between individuals, are fundamental to building trust, both personally and professionally. The speaker emphasizes the importance of being mindful of the promises we make, ensuring they are accepted, and actively working to keep them. By focusing on these elements, we can foster stronger relationships, more effective teams, and a more collaborative society.