Why we need men | Richard Reeves

Key Concepts

• Learned Nurturing Behavior of Men
• Socialization and Integration of Men
• Updating the Model of Manhood/Masculinity
• Gender Equality
• The Message "We Need You"
• Civic Institutions and Volunteering
• Gender Gap in Volunteering
• Men's Sense of Purpose

The Learned Nature of Male Nurturing and Societal Needs

The transcript begins by referencing anthropologist Margaret Mead's observation that in all known human societies, reliance has been placed on the "learned nurturing behavior of men." This behavior, being learned, is inherently fragile and can diminish rapidly. The speaker agrees with this assessment, emphasizing that societies have historically found ways to socialize and integrate men into community and family life, adapting these methods to prevailing societal conditions.

Updating the Model of Manhood for Gender Equality

In the context of achieving gender equality, there is a recognized need to "update our model of manhood, masculinity." This adjustment is crucial for a "new and much better world of gender equality." However, the speaker stresses that alongside this update, it is vital to continue conveying a clear message to men: "We need you."

The Critical Message: "We Need You"

The message of need is presented as specific and essential, not merely a preference. It is framed as "We the tribe... need you," and not just "it would be nice to have you." This is a direct call to men, particularly as fathers and community members. The speaker argues that without this clear signal of need, men are "much less likely to show up."

Evidence of Men's Disengagement: Volunteering and Civic Institutions

The transcript provides concrete examples to illustrate the impact of this lack of a clear message of need.

• Big Brothers Big Sisters: The speaker personally signed up for Big Brothers Big Sisters and notes a significantly longer waiting list for boys compared to girls. This disparity is attributed to a shortage of male volunteers, with women comprising approximately three-quarters of the volunteers.
• Gender Gap in Volunteering: The 20s and 30s are highlighted as periods exhibiting a "huge gender gap in volunteering." This indicates a decline in men's participation in civic institutions compared to historical levels.
• Impact on Institutions: This lack of male participation poses a significant problem for these institutions, particularly for co-ed youth organizations that require the presence of men to function effectively.

The Problem for Men: Lack of Purpose

Beyond the detriment to institutions, the speaker posits that this situation is also a problem "for men, too." There is a perceived paradox: a significant deficit in men volunteering, coaching, and mentoring on one hand, and a large number of men experiencing a sense of being "a little bit lost and lacking a bit of purpose" on the other.

A Solvable Problem: Reconnecting Men to Purpose

The speaker views this disconnect as a "solvable problem." The key lies in finding ways to "signal to those men, we still need you." This involves actively inviting men to participate in roles such as volunteering and mentoring, thereby providing them with a renewed sense of purpose and belonging.

Conclusion

The core takeaway is that while societal models of masculinity need to evolve to embrace gender equality, it is imperative to actively communicate to men that their contributions are essential. This message of "we need you" is crucial for encouraging male engagement in civic life, which benefits both communities and men themselves by addressing a perceived lack of purpose. The current decline in male participation in volunteering and civic institutions, exemplified by the Big Brothers Big Sisters waiting list, underscores the urgency of this communication.