Why letting go is the new language of leadership | Enrique Antonio Reyes | TEDxRizal Avenue

Key Concepts

• Command and Control Leadership: A traditional leadership style characterized by direct oversight, strict instructions, and centralized decision-making.
• Connective Leadership: A leadership approach focused on building trust, empowering individuals, and fostering collaboration.
• Modeling vs. Meddling: The distinction between leading by example and excessively interfering in others’ work.
• Information Sharing: The practice of openly distributing knowledge and context to empower team members.
• Empowering Delegation: Assigning tasks not to offload work, but to develop skills and foster ownership.
• Generational Differences: Recognizing the varying expectations and perspectives of different generations in the workplace.
• Leadership as a Journey: The understanding that leadership is a continuous process of learning, unlearning, and adaptation.

The Evolution of Leadership: From Control to Connection

This presentation details the speaker’s personal journey in understanding and evolving their leadership style, moving away from a traditionally controlling approach towards a more connective and empowering one. The narrative begins with the influence of his father, a pioneering surgeon and athlete, and traces the speaker’s development as a leader through his own experiences in fatherhood and professional life.

The Foundation: Command and Control

The speaker’s early understanding of leadership was deeply rooted in the example set by his father, Ernesto Fernandez Reyes. Reyes, a man of significant achievement – a surgeon, a Southeast Asian Games gold medalist, and a self-made individual – led with a firm hand. The speaker vividly recalls three key aspects of his father’s leadership: direct instruction (“pointing and expecting immediate understanding”), immediate response to signals (“whistling and expecting immediate action”), and a pre-determined life path (“a fully drawn-out plan”). This upbringing instilled in the speaker the belief that leadership equated to “command and control,” a style he initially embraced. He describes this style as being the “director, orchestrator, captain of the ship.”

The Disconnect: Applying Command and Control in a Modern Context

After years of striving for a leadership position, the speaker finally led his own team. Initially, the command and control approach proved effective – targets were met, and results appeared positive. However, over time, dysfunction began to emerge. The more he attempted to control, the more disconnected the team became. He realized that this approach was less effective as the team grew more diverse, particularly across generations. He observed that a “multi-generational team does not respond to one leadership language anymore.” This realization marked a turning point, prompting him to question his long-held beliefs about leadership.

Lesson 1: Model, Not Meddle

The speaker’s first key lesson came from observing his boss in a multinational organization. This boss, while detail-oriented, was a micromanager who took over meetings and dictated how things should be done. This experience served as a “mirror moment,” reminding the speaker of his own early leadership style. He learned that “when it’s not our way, it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong way; it could just be another way.” He emphasizes that building trust is achieved through example, not constant inspection. Great leaders “don’t meddle, they mold,” demonstrating the desired behavior and allowing their team to find their own path. He highlights the importance of recognizing generational differences, noting that individuals from generations accustomed to control may be paired with those who question everything.

Lesson 2: Learn and Share

The second lesson focuses on the importance of information sharing. The speaker observed that some leaders hoard information as a means of control, believing it grants them power. However, he contrasts this with leaders who actively share knowledge, provide context, and explain the “why” behind decisions. He argues that sharing information fosters growth and transformation within a team. “People flourish, people transform” when they are given the full picture.

Lesson 3: Delegate to Empower

The final lesson centers on the art of delegation. The speaker cautions against delegating tasks simply to offload work or because they are deemed “beneath” the leader. He also criticizes delegation used solely to free up time for social activities. Instead, he advocates for “delegation to empower,” emphasizing its potential to foster ownership, accountability, and the development of future leaders. Effective delegation, he argues, “develops a new school of leaders” within the organization.

Leadership as a Continuous Journey & The Importance of "Undoing"

The speaker concludes by reflecting on his father’s legacy. While his father led with control, it was a product of his time and understanding of leadership. The speaker hopes to instill in his own son the courage to not only “do things” but also to “undo things” – to challenge existing norms and adapt to changing circumstances. He defines true leadership not by how tightly one holds on, but by how courageously one can let go. He frames leadership as being about helping others find their own voices, rather than amplifying one’s own.

Notable Quotes

• “Leadership for me is not a destination but a continuing journey of learning, unlearning…”
• “Leadership is not command and conquer… it’s really just one language and it’s not the only one worth speaking.”
• “Connection with your team… is not about inspection. You try to build trust by example.”
• “Great leaders, they don’t meddled, they molded, they showed the way and then they let their people uh find their own.”
• “Being a leader is something like being in front of you. In a way, it's about me, but really it's not about me because it's not about how loud my voice is, but maybe how I was able to help you fight your own set of voices.”

Technical Terms & Concepts

• Micromanagement: A management style characterized by excessive control and close supervision of employees’ work.
• Generational Differences: Variations in values, attitudes, and expectations among different generations in the workplace.
• Empowerment: The process of giving individuals the authority and resources to make decisions and take ownership of their work.
• Accountability: The obligation to accept responsibility for one’s actions and decisions.
• Command and Control: A hierarchical leadership style focused on direct oversight and strict adherence to instructions.
• Connective Leadership: A leadership style focused on building relationships, fostering collaboration, and empowering individuals.