What Shutting Up Taught Me About Speaking Up | Lora Ma | TEDxSaltwater P9 College Youth

Key Concepts

The Fear of Speaking Up: The central theme revolves around the internal struggle and external pressures that prevent individuals from expressing their thoughts and opinions.
The Power of Voice: The transcript emphasizes that every individual has unique and valuable stories to share, and these stories have the potential to inspire and create change.
Overcoming Silence: The speaker outlines a personal journey and practical strategies for moving from silence to confident self-expression.
Learned Silence: The concept that silence can be a learned behavior, often developed as a self-protective mechanism against rejection or negative consequences.
Belief in One's Own Words: The importance of internalizing the belief in the value and impact of one's own voice, even when external validation is lacking.

The Struggle to Speak Up

The speaker, Laura, begins by recounting her near decision to quit her TEDx talk, highlighting a profound sense of being a "fraud." Despite encouragement, she doubted her ability to be heard, a feeling rooted in years of being told her voice and stories didn't matter in a world of 8.2 billion people. This external feedback led her to stop expressing her thoughts and opinions, effectively "shutting up."

The Catalyst for Change

The turning point came when Laura questioned why she could speak up for her friends but not for herself. This introspection led to a fundamental belief: "everyone has stories, unique stories to share and they are worth sharing." This realization sparked a curiosity about why, despite knowing the importance of speaking up, people (including herself) remain afraid.

The Roots of Fear

Laura identifies the fear of looking like a "joke" as a primary reason for silence. The prospect of speaking up and being ignored, or worse, being met with laughter (like a malfunctioning microphone), is a significant deterrent. She notes that this fear is common, leading many to remain silent even when they are "screaming inside."

Research and Learned Silence

Her curiosity prompted research, revealing that few students speak up in lessons. Citing the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, she notes that less than one in two students report being bullied. Elbert Vora, a professor of social science in psychology at Stanford University, is quoted as stating that "people learn to stay silent as a way to protect themselves." This learned silence stems from experiences of rejection, negative comments, or being ignored for speaking up. In some contexts, like countries with race or gender inequalities, speaking up is actively forbidden. The brain, after repeated negative experiences, links speaking up with conflict, fights, arguments, and trouble. This leads to a habit and mindset of never speaking up for oneself or others.

Challenging the Mindset: Practical Strategies

Laura challenges the notion that it's "right to shut up" and "wrong to be loud and speak up." She shares her personal methodology for overcoming this ingrained silence:

Start Small: She began by whispering to herself or talking to herself in the mirror about things she wanted to speak up about, regardless of their size. Examples included simple desires like "I want to hang out with my friends tomorrow" to more significant convictions like "I don't want to see anyone being treated unfairly anymore." These whispers gradually grew louder, leading to a feeling of being heard, first by herself.
Believe in the Changes Your Words Can Bring: This is an ongoing learning process for Laura. Her mentor's belief in her, stating, "Laura, your experience is what will make you a great speaker," was instrumental. Her mentor's belief in the value of her words influenced Laura to believe in the power of her own stories. She advises others to "borrow the belief from someone else" – a friend, family member, or mentor – until they can internalize it themselves.

The Profound Feeling of Being Heard

The most significant lesson Laura learned from shutting up is "how truly great it felt to be heard." After a long period of feeling unseen, the act of speaking up, even if it doesn't immediately lead to change, is profoundly rewarding.

Conclusion and Call to Action

Laura concludes by acknowledging that the impact of her words might be uncertain. However, she hopes that her talk might inspire someone to "whisper something to yourself that you want to speak up about." She believes that when one person starts speaking up, their story can be heard by another, inspiring them, and thus, "the world improves with your voice." She has chosen to use her voice today.