We Both Have Kidney Failure: Our Love Through Chronic Illness | On The Red Dot

Key Concepts

• Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD): A progressive loss of kidney function over time.
• Dialysis: A medical procedure to remove toxins from the blood when the kidneys fail. Includes hemodialysis (traditional, 4-hour sessions) and nocturnal dialysis (longer, 6-hour sessions, overnight).
• Fistula: A surgically created connection between an artery and a vein, used for hemodialysis access. Clots in the fistula can disrupt dialysis.
• Renal Function: A measure of how well the kidneys are working, often expressed as a percentage.
• Long-Term Illness Scheme: A financial assistance program for individuals with chronic illnesses.
• NKF (National Kidney Foundation): An organization providing support and resources for individuals with kidney disease.
• Home Business/Entrepreneurship: Starting a small business (Bewitch sandwiches) to supplement income due to illness-related financial strain.

The Journey Through Kidney Disease: A Couple’s Story

This narrative details the intertwined health journeys of a couple, AB and Hafi, navigating chronic kidney disease, its impact on their lives, and their unwavering commitment to each other. The story unfolds through personal accounts, medical updates, and glimpses into their daily routines.

Initial Diagnosis and Early Challenges (2004-2018)

AB’s kidney issues began subtly in 2004 with a fall that impacted her kidney, but the diagnosis of Stage Four kidney failure didn’t come until 2016, shortly after her engagement to Hafi. This diagnosis prompted AB to consider ending the relationship, fearing she would be a burden. However, Hafi’s mother intervened, urging him to stay, and Hafi himself reaffirmed his love, stating, “Living was never a thought for me because I chose AB is because of what I felt for her.” AB began hemodialysis in 2018, a process that initially involved 4-hour sessions three times a week. The dialysis, while life-saving, put a strain on her heart, leading to heart failure.

Adapting to Dialysis and Nocturnal Hemodialysis

To mitigate the strain on her heart, AB transitioned to nocturnal dialysis in 2018. This involved 6-hour sessions overnight, three times a week, requiring the couple to sleep separately. AB describes the routine as “normal” after nine years of marriage, but acknowledges the constant fear associated with each admission to the hospital, as the duration of stay is unpredictable. Hafi took on the majority of household chores to allow AB to rest, a shift in roles that highlighted the impact of her illness on their daily lives.

Hafi’s Diagnosis and a Shared Struggle (2024)

In 2024, Hafi received his own diagnosis of chronic kidney disease, discovered after fainting during a grocery shopping trip. This revelation was devastating, as his father had also passed away from kidney failure, and his brother was also diagnosed with the condition. Hafi initially became withdrawn and despondent, feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of supporting AB while battling his own illness. AB recognized his distress, stating, “I remember crying over it and he asked me what's wrong and I said that I'm losing my best friend. You know we only have each other.” She reminded him of his earlier commitment to her, effectively pulling him back from despair.

Medical Updates and Treatment (2024-Present)

Hafi’s initial kidney function was 10% after his fainting episode, considered “barely functioning” and “quite severe.” Subsequent checkups showed a slight improvement to 13%, a positive sign. The couple’s renal doctor has agreed to initiate dialysis for Hafi if his kidney function drops below 10%, a prospect Hafi is reluctant to face due to potential job limitations. A recent checkup revealed Hafi’s kidney function at 12%, prompting the doctor to acknowledge the condition’s progression while praising their efforts to slow it down. Hafi is currently covered by a long-term illness scheme through his employer, a customer service officer role in the transport industry, but faces uncertainty about his future employment given the physical demands of the job. He is scheduled for fistula surgery to reconstruct his dialysis access and hopes to be re-evaluated for the kidney donor list.

Financial Strain and Entrepreneurial Response

The combined medical expenses and potential loss of income led AB and Hafi to start a home-based business, “Bewitch,” selling healthy sandwiches in September 2025. They began with weekly earnings of around $200, increasing to $400-$500 during events. They participated in a job fair organized by the National Kidney Foundation (NKF) and are actively seeking more event opportunities to sustain their business.

Maintaining Connection and Finding Joy

Despite the challenges, AB and Hafi prioritize their relationship. They actively seek moments of normalcy, such as art jamming, funded by their business earnings. Hafi emphasizes the sickness has brought them closer, stating, “The sickness make us even more closer.” They acknowledge the small joys, like Hafi’s snoring, which AB has learned to love. They also playfully bicker over simple things, like what to eat, a testament to their enduring connection.

Looking Ahead

Hafi is preparing for fistula surgery, with the hope of resuming dialysis and being placed back on the kidney donor list. He dreams of a future with a new kidney, allowing him to work, travel, and potentially have children. AB, having experienced kidney disease firsthand, is determined to be strong for Hafi, stating, “I’m undergoing through a long-term illness scheme given by my company to be resting at home for 6 months, but I’m not used to sit around at home doing nothing.”

Notable Quotes:

• Hafi: “Living was never a thought for me because I chose AB is because of what I felt for her.”
• AB: “I remember crying over it and he asked me what's wrong and I said that I'm losing my best friend. You know we only have each other.”
• AB: “Despite the bird being very sick, the environment is very healthy.” (Referring to Hafi’s painting)
• Hafi: “I don't know why your bird is in so much flowers.”

Technical Terms Explained:

• Hemodialysis: A process where blood is filtered outside the body using a machine.
• Nocturnal Dialysis: Hemodialysis performed overnight, typically for longer durations.
• Fistula: A surgically created connection between an artery and a vein, providing access for hemodialysis.
• Renal Function: The ability of the kidneys to filter waste and maintain fluid balance.
• Donor List: A waiting list for individuals awaiting kidney transplants.

Conclusion:

This story is a poignant illustration of resilience, love, and adaptation in the face of chronic illness. AB and Hafi’s journey highlights the physical, emotional, and financial challenges of kidney disease, but also demonstrates the power of unwavering support and the determination to find joy and purpose even amidst adversity. Their entrepreneurial spirit and commitment to each other serve as an inspiring example of navigating life’s difficulties with grace and courage.