thoughts on sex // EP 78

Key Concepts

• Weight fluctuations and body image
• Celibacy and changing attitudes towards sex
• Male vs. female experiences in casual sex/hookup culture
• The impact of male validation on women's self-worth
• The influence of historical context on modern relationship dynamics
• Personal vulnerability and the need for protection/integrity

Body Image and Weight Struggles

The speaker opens by addressing her choice to wear a push-up bra, linking it to recent efforts to regain weight. She mentions a lifelong struggle with being "scrawny" due to her family's petite genetics. She emphasizes that her concern is not about being skinny, but about lacking curves, specifically mentioning the realization that she had "lost her butt cheek." This prompted her to create a meal plan and prioritize eating, resulting in some weight gain.

Celibacy and Shifting Sexual Attitudes

The speaker transitions to discussing a personal vow of celibacy, prompted by a perceived societal shift away from casual sex. She references a chart illustrating increasing sexlessness over time and age. She notes that she doesn't have much sex to begin with, as she needs an emotional connection to be sexually attracted to men, but not women. She expresses discomfort with platonic male friends reminding her of their genitalia.

Financial Strain and Social Dynamics

The speaker suggests that financial struggles may contribute to decreased sexual activity, as people are less likely to go out, drink, and meet new people in bars or clubs.

The Atrocity of Male-Focused Pleasure

The speaker argues that the focus on male pleasure in casual sex is an "understated atrocity." She criticizes men who ask "Did you come?" after sex, arguing that it's obvious when a woman has enjoyed herself. She equates sex without female pleasure to a "wank" and emphasizes the importance of mutual enjoyment. She defines sex as an experience where both partners are satisfied, not just penetration. She makes a distinction between a man who tries to please a woman but fails, and a man who doesn't try at all.

The Problem with Faking Orgasms

The speaker urges women to stop faking orgasms, arguing that it allows men to avoid accountability. She believes that women should not undermine their own pleasure or accept partners who consistently prioritize their own satisfaction.

The Downside of Hookup Culture

The speaker argues that hookup culture can be damaging to women, often leaving them feeling worse than before. She describes a common scenario where a man treats a woman well initially, but becomes distant after they have sex.

Hormonal Differences and Post-Nut Clarity

The speaker references a podcast discussing hormonal differences between men and women after sex. According to this source, men may experience a release that diminishes the bond, leading them to pull away, while women experience an increased bond and desire for intimacy. She calls the term "postnut clarity" disgusting.

Compassion and Communication

Regardless of hormonal factors, the speaker emphasizes the importance of compassion and communication. Even if a man feels the need to retreat after sex, he should be considerate of the woman's feelings.

Self-Worth and External Validation

The speaker reflects on her own ability to separate her self-worth from romantic or sexual rejection. She acknowledges that many women struggle with this and are deeply affected by how men treat them. She emphasizes the importance of not allowing external validation to define one's self-perception, citing Harry Styles' quote: "People can tell you you're the best person in the world and people can tell you're the worst person in the world and none of it is ever going to be true."

The Overemphasis on Male Validation

The speaker argues that society places an overemphasis on male validation, which has historically been a means of survival for women. She notes that women's financial and political dependence on men is a relatively recent phenomenon. She finds it despicable when boys use the phrase "pick me" to describe girls who are trying to please them, arguing that it lacks empathy for the historical context.

Social Consciousness and Autonomy

The speaker believes that increasing social consciousness, aided by platforms like TikTok, is leading people to reject harmful patterns and behaviors. She notes that women are acutely aware of threats to their bodily autonomy and may feel a need to protect themselves.

Personal Vulnerability and Loss of Power

The speaker describes a recent feeling of vulnerability and a repulsion towards sex, despite having a crush on someone. She attributes this to being single and living in a new country without her usual support system. She feels a lack of protection and a potential loss of integrity. She acknowledges that she has never equated sex with power before, but she feels that way now.

Unhealthy Relationships with Sex

The speaker concludes by suggesting that she may have developed an unhealthy relationship with sex due to being around men who objectify women.

Synthesis/Conclusion

The speaker explores the complex interplay of personal experiences, societal pressures, and historical context in shaping attitudes towards sex and relationships. She challenges traditional notions of male-female dynamics, advocating for mutual pleasure, compassion, and a strong sense of self-worth independent of external validation. Her personal reflections on celibacy and vulnerability highlight the evolving landscape of intimacy and the ongoing struggle for female empowerment.