Key Concepts
Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS), selective termination, sepsis, stillbirth, miscarriage, abortion, pregnancy loss, religious beliefs, political narratives, silence, storytelling, qualitative data, actionable solutions, Dobbs decision, anti-abortion beliefs, community, inclusivity, justice.
Summary
Personal Experiences with Pregnancy Loss
The speaker recounts her personal experiences with pregnancy loss, beginning with the diagnosis of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) in 2010, leading to the selective termination of one twin (Isaac) and the discovery of severe health issues in the other (John). She details the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy at 22 weeks due to sepsis and the shame she felt within her religious community, where abortion was unacceptable. She concealed the abortion, telling people her sons were stillborn. She emphasizes the internal conflict between her desire to live and the religious doctrine that suggested leaving the choice to God.
She then describes a second pregnancy in 2014, complicated by pneumonia and a broken water, leading to another pregnancy termination due to severe infection and the risk to her own life. She vividly portrays the emotional and physical pain of delivering a baby (Malcolm) that she wanted but could not survive. She highlights the darkness, emptiness, and isolation associated with this experience.
Notable Quote: "If I really wanted you to understand what it's like to end a pregnancy with a baby that you want... I think I would just stand here with my eyes closed in complete and utter silence because that's what it's like. It's dark and empty and isolating and so so quiet."
Shifting Academic Focus and the Culture of Silence
Following her second loss, the speaker shifted her academic focus to the way communities of faith discuss pregnancy loss, both spontaneous (miscarriage, stillbirth) and elective (abortion). She notes that while compassion is often expressed for miscarriage and stillbirth, disdain is often directed towards abortion. However, she argues that silence is a common thread in both experiences.
She contrasts this silence with the 15th and 16th centuries, where pregnancy loss was openly acknowledged due to its commonality. She acknowledges the advancements in modern medicine that have reduced miscarriage and stillbirth rates, particularly for white, cisgender women. However, she points out that even with these advancements, fear of pregnancy loss leads to silence, with many women not announcing their pregnancies until they are deemed viable.
The Stigma and Politicization of Abortion
The speaker emphasizes the dark and shameful turn that silence takes when it comes to abortion. She argues that the suffering of abortion seekers is only deemed valid if the reason for the abortion is considered "good enough" by others. She criticizes the religious community for equating abortion to murder and atrocities like the Holocaust.
She also critiques the current political climate, particularly since the overturn of Roe v. Wade, where the debate is characterized by the use of shocking single stories to scare the other side, rather than listening to the diverse experiences of individuals.
The Power of Storytelling and the Need for Actionable Solutions
The speaker advocates for the power of storytelling to illuminate actionable solutions. She argues that collecting and sharing millions of stories can reveal commonalities in experiences, providing insights into what happens in hospitals and clinics, the impact of language, effective care strategies, and the needs of families. She emphasizes the importance of understanding which legislative initiatives are helping or harming birthing people.
Technical Term: Qualitative data - data that approximates and characterizes. Qualitative data can be observed and recorded. This data type is non-numerical in nature.
Call to Action and Conclusion
The speaker calls on those who have experienced pregnancy loss, particularly abortion, to come into the light and share their stories. She emphasizes the importance of community and affirmation. She also calls on those with anti-abortion beliefs to listen to the experiences of others.
She presents statistics on miscarriage (1 in 4 birthing people), stillbirth (21-26,000 people in the US annually, over 2 million worldwide), and abortion (over 1 million people in the US in 2023), highlighting the vast number of unheard experiences. She encourages those who have experienced spontaneous loss to continue the pregnancy with their words.
The speaker concludes by stating that she owes her story to past, present, and future parents, feminist scholarship, the demand for safety, inclusivity, and justice, and most importantly, to her sons. She emphasizes the importance of telling the story of their life together, regardless of how short it may have been.
Notable Quote: "At the end of the day, the most beautiful facets of life grow from the places where your story intersects with the stories of others."
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