The subtle art of not talking | Dnyaneshwari Velankar | TEDxGEA Youth

Key Concepts

• The Art of Being Brief: The ability to convey a message concisely and effectively within a limited timeframe.
• Listening as an Active Skill: Engaging actively with what is being communicated, not just passively hearing it.
• The Magic of Company: The sense of connection and presence provided by radio, especially in moments of solitude.
• Saving Experiences: The importance of retaining some personal experiences and emotions without immediately sharing them, allowing for deeper personal reflection and future creative output.
• Embracing Silence: Recognizing the value of quiet moments for reflection, processing, and allowing sounds to have meaning.

Summary

The speaker, RJ Ajit Gyaneshwari, begins by admitting a genuine lack of desire to speak, humorously suggesting this could be the shortest TED Talk ever. She recounts an experience watching a play about a society with a 140-word daily speaking limit, which sparks reflection on her own relationship with talking. As a Radio Jockey (RJ) who "literally talks for a living," she finds irony in her journey, which has taught her the profound value of being okay with not wanting to talk.

Background and Journey to Radio

Ajit's path to becoming an RJ was not dramatic but rather rooted in a studious background. She spent her time in libraries, overwhelmed by her CA syllabus. However, her aptitude for extracurricular activities led her to write for a local newspaper. The first time she saw her name in print – a byline for a 150-word article about her college canteen – she experienced a "weird sense of purpose and self-worth."

This led to a stint at All India Radio, where she hosted a pre-recorded 30-minute show, scripting, conducting, and editing it herself. She found a similar sense of purpose there. The next significant jump was to Radio Mirchi post-lockdown, where she took on the afternoon show. Her first live show was fraught with performance anxiety, a mix of self-doubt, tension, excitement, and nervousness, which she labels as "performance anxiety" rather than "ishq" (love).

After four and a half years at Radio Mirchi, hosting shows, a podcast, and live events, Ajit believes her radio journey has fundamentally altered her as a person, giving her personality and purpose, transforming her from "Ajit" to "RJ Ajit Gyaneshwari."

Three Skills Learned as an RJ (and Life Skills)

Ajit outlines three key skills she developed as an RJ that also became life skills:

1. The Art of Being Brief

A surprising revelation is that RJs speak for a maximum of only 6 minutes per hour. Each instance of speaking into the microphone is called a "link," serving as a bridge between two elements, usually songs. RJs are allowed only three to four links per hour, each lasting a maximum of two minutes, totaling about 6-8 minutes of speaking time.

This stark contrast to her previous experience at All India Radio, where she spoke for 25-30 minutes per hour, was a significant challenge. Her boss at Radio Mirchi consistently rejected her links for being too long, emphasizing the need for brevity. Ajit realized that "how much you don't talk is more important" than how much you do.

The importance of brevity stems from the audience's context: they are listening while living their lives. An RJ must create an impact within 90 seconds to keep listeners tuned in, make them feel connected, and prompt action (like sending a WhatsApp message or calling). Ajit uses the example of describing a "yellow sunflower" to illustrate how over-explaining can be detrimental because individual imaginations differ. The goal is to evoke a strong response with minimal words, making listeners crave something, like a cup of coffee.

2. Listening

Ajit highlights that RJs are called "listeners," not "hearers," because listening is an active, participatory process. While she is not always talking, she is actively engaged in the studio. This involves listening to the music and ads being played, and crucially, listening to herself.

Initially, she struggled with being comfortable with her own recorded voice. Her senior advised her to take time to listen to herself on headphones, acknowledging it's a journey to become comfortable with one's own voice, both literally and philosophically.

Ajit argues that people listen to radio not just for music or ads, but for the "magic of company." They know someone is there, playing music for them, and that this person might respond to their messages or calls. This feeling of companionship keeps radio alive, and listening is crucial for fostering it. She also notes that as an interviewer, her ability to listen actively, using non-verbal cues like body language and eye contact, made her interviewees perceive her as a "good listener," a skill that goes beyond just hearing.

3. Saving Experiences for Yourself

Ajit confesses to a "selfish" but guilt-free practice: saving some experiences for herself. She recounts a time she announced a week of voice rest on her office WhatsApp group, which led to colleagues speculating about breakups, health issues, or boss-related problems. This reaction highlighted how silence is often stigmatized; people feel compelled to fill it with conversation, often with "useless, unnecessary words."

She draws a parallel to "dead air" in radio, which is considered a crime and automatically filled with music to avoid silence. Ajit believes some people are "human versions of this software," unable to tolerate silence. Radio, however, taught her that it's okay to shut up and listen to silence, as "without silence, every sound is noise."

She explains that as an artist, one needs to draw from experiences. Relying solely on observing others' lives provides a filtered version. Sharing every experience immediately, like describing a great ice cream, dilutes its impact. When an experience is shared, friends offer opinions, creating a "mixed खिचड़ी" (khichdi - mixed dish) of experiences. This dilution leads to a lack of original content when it's time to speak, as the "entire originality of my experience has gone."

Ajit uses the example of a favorite song discovered online. Many people feel a sense of purity in their personal connection to such a song and hesitate to share it, not wanting others to have the same experience. This desire to keep a beautiful experience to oneself is what allows one to draw from it later, perhaps for a TED Talk.

Conclusion

Ajit reiterates her initial point: it's okay to not want to talk. While some might find it strange for an RJ to advocate for not talking, her message is that one doesn't have to talk all the time. Being okay with not talking leads to:

• Talking Briefly: When you do speak, it's concise and impactful.
• Listening: When you're not talking, you're actively listening.
• Processing Experiences: When not engaged in talking or listening, you allow experiences to settle, interact with your emotions and mind, and become a source to draw from when needed.

She concludes by stating that magic exists, often appearing in unexpected moments of patience and silence. While not advocating for withholding all joys and sorrows, she urges the audience to ask "Why?" before speaking. For all other times, she assures them, "it's okay to not talk at all."