The Hidden Language of Availability I @MayimBialik

Key Concepts:

• Under-signaling: The tendency to underestimate how many signals are needed for others to understand our feelings or intentions.
• Availability signals: Nonverbal cues indicating interest or openness to interaction, particularly in dating contexts.
• Competence signaling: Communicating one's skills, abilities, and credibility in a professional setting.
• Saber smile: A specific type of smile that blossoms on the face, indicating interest and availability.

The Under-Signaling Crisis

The core argument is that humans suffer from an "under-signaling crisis." We overestimate the clarity of our signals, assuming others readily perceive our feelings and intentions. This leads to missed opportunities in dating, friendship, and professional settings.

Dating and Availability Signals

• The 10-Minute Speed Dating Test: A study revealed that women needed to send an average of 29 availability signals to a man before he would approach. This starkly contrasts with the common perception that one or a few signals (e.g., "I show you my breast") would suffice.
• Specific Signals: Examples of availability signals include:
  • Quick glances
  • Smiles (specifically, the "saber smile")
  • Angling the body towards the person of interest
  • Dipping (leaning) towards them
• Challenging the "Playing It Cool" Mentality: The video argues against the idea that one should appear aloof or disinterested. It asserts that humans are inherently "desperate" to know if they are liked, making clear signaling crucial.

Mission Statement: Signaling for Connection

The speaker outlines a three-pronged mission related to signaling:

1. Dating/Single Individuals: To actively signal availability to as many people as possible to increase the chances of finding a partner.
2. Lonely Individuals: To signal "I like you" to others to foster friendships and combat loneliness.
3. Workplace: To avoid under-signaling competence, thereby establishing credibility and earning respect.

Potential Impact of Addressing the Signaling Issue

The video concludes by suggesting that resolving the under-signaling issue would significantly alleviate interpersonal problems across various domains. By improving our ability to effectively communicate our intentions and feelings, we can foster stronger connections and achieve better outcomes in our relationships and careers.

Notable Quotes:

• "We think we are so obvious with our signals that everyone knows how we feel but actually we are facing an under signaling crisis."
• "We think we should play it cool we think that we're too obvious but actually we are desperate as humans to know do you like me."