The Freedom of Failing Other People’s Dreams for You | Nehir Kılvan | TEDxYouth@FMVErenköyIşık

Key Concepts

• Societal Pressure: The expectation to pursue specific, traditionally "successful" career paths (math, science, business, medicine, engineering).
• Dream vs. Reality: The perceived conflict between childhood dreams and the pressure to conform to practical career choices.
• Potential: The idea that one's value is measured by the prestige, marketability, and difficulty of their chosen field.
• Backup Plan: The concept of having an alternative career path, often imposed by others, that may not align with one's true passions.
• Failing Others' Dreams: The act of prioritizing one's own aspirations, even if it means disappointing others' expectations.
• Chasing Dreams: The importance of pursuing one's passions despite obstacles and external pressures.

Early Aspirations and External Influences

The speaker begins by highlighting the common experience of being asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and the societal pressure to provide an answer that aligns with conventional definitions of success. She illustrates this with personal anecdotes:

• Childhood Dreams: Initially wanting to be an astronaut, then an archaeologist in first grade. Her teacher discouraged the archaeology dream due to perceived limitations.
• Fifth Grade: Aspiring to be a quantum physicist due to good grades and the perceived challenge of the field.
• Sixth Grade: Briefly considering becoming a hairdresser, but feeling "too good" for it due to societal perceptions. Also, wanting to be an astronomer but giving up due to perceived logistical difficulties.
• Seventh to Tenth Grade: A period of feeling lost and without clear aspirations.
• Eleventh Grade: Wanting to be a fashion designer but feeling embarrassed due to the perceived lower status compared to professions like doctor or engineer.

The Pressure of a "Backup Plan"

The speaker describes the pressure she faced in high school to have a "backup plan" for university studies, even though she was passionate about literature.

• Turkish Math Class: Being enrolled in a math class and an extra course for the university exam (IAT), despite wanting to focus on English and literature.
• Teachers' and Parents' Influence: The constant suggestion to have a backup plan, such as studying psychology or law, which were considered more "prestigious" than language studies.
• Internal Conflict: The speaker admits to sometimes falling for the idea that she was "settling for something less" than her capabilities.

The "Wasting Potential" Incident

A pivotal moment occurred during her extra math course:

• The Equation Challenge: Solving a math equation quickly and winning a Starbucks drink.
• Teacher's Comment: Her math teacher telling her, "It's such a shame that I will be wasting my potential."
• Speaker's Reflection: This comment made her question whether her value was only measured by the prestige and marketability of her degree, and whether loving poetry, philosophy, and French literature would make her "something less."

Choosing Her Own Path

The speaker ultimately decided to follow her passion:

• Skipping the IAT Exam: Choosing to sleep in on the morning of the IAT exam and only taking the English exam.
• Studying French Language and Literature: Enrolling in French Language and Literature at Estumble University.
• Happiness and Fulfillment: Expressing immense happiness and fulfillment in her chosen field, enjoying her classes and studies.

Embracing Multiple Dreams

The speaker emphasizes that pursuing one's dreams is possible, regardless of obstacles:

• Joining Clubs: Joining the archaeology club (fulfilling her first-grade dream) and the astronomy club (fulfilling her sixth-grade dream).
• Fashion Design Illustration: Enrolling in a fashion design illustration program and finding deep enjoyment in it.

Key Quote

"If you don't fail your own dream, your dreams won't fail on you, and in order for that to happen, you sometimes got to fail other people's dreams for you."

Synthesis/Conclusion

The speaker's journey highlights the importance of resisting societal pressures and pursuing one's true passions, even if it means disappointing others' expectations. She emphasizes that success should be defined by personal fulfillment rather than external validation, and that it is possible to embrace multiple dreams and achieve happiness by prioritizing one's own aspirations. The core message is to have the courage to "fail other people's dreams" in order to achieve one's own.