Key Concepts
- Nunchi (눈치): The Korean concept of being acutely aware of others' thoughts and feelings, leading to conformity and pressure to avoid standing out.
- Hagwon (학원): Private cram schools in South Korea where students spend significant time preparing for exams.
- Bushi (부시): An exam for four-year-olds in Korea to get into elite kindergartens.
- Te (태): Harmony of opposing forces, represented by the red and blue in the Korean flag.
- On Go Ji Shin (온고지신): A Confucian metaphor from cooking, meaning to warm up the old to create something new, learning from the new.
The Pressure to Conform and Escape
The speaker begins by stating her long-held desire to leave South Korea and work in the United States, driven by a desire to escape the rigid expectations of Korean culture, specifically the concept of nunchi. Nunchi creates pressure to conform and not stand out, influencing behavior from a young age. The speaker illustrates this with the example of Bushi, an exam for four-year-olds to enter elite kindergartens, and the prevalence of Hagwon, where Korean students spend an average of 42 hours a week, significantly more than the OECD average, in private education.
The speaker shares a story of a 7-year-old student who burst into tears after scoring 50 on a quiz due to a simple error, fearing her mother's reaction. This highlights the intense pressure for perfection and the lack of room for mistakes in Korean culture, where success is often measured by external factors like university names, salary, and job titles. This pressure contributes to South Korea's high suicide rate, which is the number one cause of death for teenagers.
A Turning Point: Questioning the System
The speaker's perspective shifted when she attended an international school in Thailand at age 8. While she initially excelled due to her Korean training (fast problem-solving and memorization), a math teacher challenged her to understand the "why" behind the answers, not just the answers themselves. This marked a turning point, fostering curiosity and questioning over conformity. Learning English further allowed her to express a different personality, free from the constraints of her culture.
Returning to Korea, she felt thrown back into the "silent race," where learning was secondary to getting into top schools, and classes focused on memorization rather than understanding. Questioning the system felt like rebellion, leading her to quiet herself to fit in.
Experiences in the US: A Different Perspective
An internship in the US provided a stark contrast. People were open, conversational, and took their time, allowing space for individual choices and paths. She met people like a psychology student who switched to civil engineering to improve the city and a Harvard Law graduate who chose to run a nonprofit. As an intern, she was given opportunities to contribute ideas, highlighting a culture of trust and empowerment.
The Visa Journey: Trials and Errors
Returning to Korea, the contrast between approval-seeking and authenticity, perfection and experimentation, conformity and curiosity became even more pronounced. This fueled her desire to work in America. Her journey to obtain a work visa involved a five-year process of trials and errors.
- 2019: Applied for the visa lottery but was not selected.
- She joined a program helping global founders come to Korea and was inspired by their purpose-driven work.
- She participated in a Silicon Valley accelerator program, observing founders launching early, iterating in public, and failing fast.
- She launched a startup focused on inclusivity and cultural connection, hosting global visitors who offered a fresh perspective on Korean culture.
- 2024: Selected in the visa lottery but faced a rigorous interview process and requests for extensive documentation, including a 100-page business plan.
Realization: Cultural Strengths and Resilience
After a long wait, her visa was approved. Surprisingly, she didn't cry but felt a sense of disbelief. It then dawned on her that the very values she was trying to escape – persistence, hard work, meticulous planning, and discipline – were the source of her "superpowers." These were not acts of rebellion but acts of resilience and grit, rooted in her Korean culture. She realized she wasn't just running away but running towards something, bringing her roots with her.
On Go Ji Shin: Reheating the Old to Create the New
The speaker references the Korean phrase On Go Ji Shin, emphasizing the importance of learning from the past to create something new. Her journey involved questioning the rigid systems in Korea, leading to her internship in the US, which in turn inspired her to bring those lessons back home.
Conclusion: Finding Balance and Harmony
The speaker concludes by emphasizing that growth involves letting go of fixed paths and expectations while carrying the pieces that shaped you forward. She suggests that the tension between different cultures can be a key to finding one's path. The red and blue in the Korean flag, representing te (harmony of opposing forces), symbolize the balance she has found within herself. She carries both the red and the blue, embracing her Korean identity no matter how far she travels.
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