The art of choosing joy | Vanessa Belleau | TEDxBeckenham

Key Concepts

• Resilience as armor vs. genuine resilience
• The myth of suffering in silence for resilience
• Joyful resilience: feeling emotions with compassion, courage, and self-trust
• The Acknowledge, Process, Strategize, Act (APSA) framework for resilience
• The importance of processing emotions soulfully
• Joy as a form of resilience, not a reward for it
• The radical act of choosing joy even through hardship

The Speaker's Initial View of Resilience

The speaker, Vanessa, initially viewed resilience as bouncing back from adversity as quickly as possible. She saw it as a sign of strength and a badge of honor. She would often say "I am fine" even when she wasn't, driven by a belief that emotions were distractions that would hinder her progress. She felt pressure to be a "strong, ambitious black woman" and to push through inequalities. This was influenced by her French Caribbean parents who she perceived as not dwelling on hardship and having an inner strength to quickly gain perspective. Her initial resilience framework was "issue, suggestion, solution next."

The Cracks in the Armor

About seven years ago, Vanessa's "armor" of resilience broke. She realized she was scared of her emotions and feared losing control if she allowed herself to feel them deeply. This realization came after two years of physical and emotional burnout, including chronic stress, fatigue, anxiety, heartache, disappointment, illnesses, three surgeries, and a miscarriage. This culminated in a fire in her flat on September 17, 2018, where she lost 85% of her belongings. She remembers the smell of the soot and the sight of her belongings in ashes. This event impacted her self-trust, as she questioned how she, someone always in control, could forget to blow out a candle. She was also dealing with the end of a 14-year relationship and uncertainty about her job and finances. Despite these major blows, she was still trying to suppress her emotions and "smile."

The Shift in Perspective: From Stoicism to Joyful Resilience

Vanessa realized that the idea that resilience requires suffering in silence and pretending to be happy was flawed. She recalled a mentor's advice, "If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention," and understood she needed to face her fear of feeling. She had to stop "performing" strength and instead embody it genuinely.

The Acknowledge, Process, Strategize, Act (APSA) Framework

Vanessa developed a new resilience framework: Acknowledge, Process, Strategize, Act (APSA).

1. Acknowledge: Recognize the issue and the emotions associated with it.
2. Process: Process the emotions soulfully.
3. Strategize: Develop a smart strategy to address the issue.
4. Act: Take genuine action based on the strategy.

Processing Soulfully: Finding Joy in Art

Vanessa initially struggled with the "Process" step. She tried to return to hip-hop dancing, but it didn't resonate. She then turned to painting, something she had always wanted to do but never allowed herself. On April 29, 2019, she painted for five hours and experienced real, gentle, grounded joy.

Joyful Resilience: A Radical Act

Painting didn't fix her problems, but it didn't matter. Vanessa realized that joy doesn't come after resilience; joy is resilience. This led to the concept of "joyful resilience," which allows individuals to feel all emotions with compassion, courage, and self-trust. Joyful resilience fuels creativity and builds community.

The Impact of Joyful Resilience

Vanessa now identifies as both a coach and an artist. She prioritizes joy in her relationships with friends, family, her partner, and even her dog. She envisions a world where joyful resilience is taught in schools and universities, and where emotional intelligence is valued in the workplace. She believes that individuals who feel marginalized can find belonging through feeling, creating, and simply being themselves.

Conclusion

Vanessa advocates for choosing joy every day, believing that we have a choice in how we show up and where we place our energy. She emphasizes the responsibility to not spread misery and presents joyful resilience as a radical act of believing that we can still shine, rise, belong, and become our whole selves even through hardship. She believes this is the lesson her parents wanted to teach her all along.