The 3-Step Formula to Finally Get Anything You Want in Life

Key Concepts:

• Experience shaping beliefs
• Money as a motivator vs. other human needs
• Overperformance and self-punishment
• Balancing striving with contentment
• The "voice inside" (intuition/higher self) vs. external voices
• Tuning into intuition: past experiences, meditation, exercise
• Expansive vs. contractive feelings as indicators of intuition
• Clarity from engagement, not thought
• Quitting as a skill
• Risk averseness and financial runway
• Start before you're ready
• Figureoutable mindset: all problems/dreams are figureoutable, laws of nature, caring enough
• Wanting to want something
• Can't vs. won't
• Intentionality with social media
• Create before you consume
• Trusting instincts and inner wisdom

1. Shaping Beliefs Through Early Experiences:

• Marie Forleo recounts a childhood memory (age 7-8) of her mother, post-divorce, crying and declaring "I have nothing" due to financial dependence.
• Her mother's plea: "Don't ever let a man, don't ever let anyone control your money."
• This experience led Marie to equate lack of money with loss of love, family destruction, and pain.
• Decision: To make enough money to take care of loved ones and alleviate their pain.

2. The Cost of Prioritizing Money:

• Driven by insecurity, money became Marie's "north star," dimming other human needs.
• Positive: Solid work ethic.
• Negative: Self-punishment, feeling "never enough," constant overperformance.
• Resulted in working seven days a week, missing important life events.
• Example: Legitimate lack of funds prevented attending friends' bachelorette parties early in her career.
• Pattern recognition in her 40s: Overdoing, overpushing.
• Partner Josh's perspective: "Marie, you are one of the most productive, non-lazy people I have ever met in my life." (Marie initially disbelieved this).

3. Balancing Striving with Contentment:

• An "ever-evolving daily practice" of recognizing accomplishments and being grateful.
• Shifting from a place of lack ("This isn't good enough") to contentment and excitement for future creations.
• Dynamic sense of being joyful for the present and curious about the future.

4. Discovering Her Life's Purpose:

• Wall Street experience: Realized it wasn't her true calling despite the potential for high income.
• Inner voice: "This isn't who you are. This isn't what you're meant to do."
• Father's advice: "You have got to find something you love...don't stop looking until you find something that you really, really want to go to do every single day."
• Magazine publishing: Initially appealing due to the combination of business and creativity, but the inner voice returned.
• Coaching: Discovered through an article; felt like "something in my soul lit up like a Christmas tree."
• Returned to bartending and waiting tables to pursue coaching.

5. The "Voice Inside" (Intuition):

• Marie believes it's her intuition or "higher self," a timeless part of her.
• Everyone has this voice, though they may not be trained to discern it.
• Feels like a soft-spoken inner nudge, potentially counter to social/familial conditioning.
• Gentle, encouraging, and persistent.
• External voices (society, parents, etc.) are often stronger.

6. Tuning into Intuition:

• Pay attention to small things: "Intuitive shopping" example.
• Look back at past experiences where you ignored the voice and faced negative consequences (financial, relationship, etc.).
• Meditation and exercise: Help dial down the noise and create space for the inner voice.

7. Intuition vs. Fear:

• Simple exercise: When considering an opportunity, close your eyes and feel if it makes you feel expansive or contracted.
• Expansive: Lightness, leaning forward, joy (even if scared).
• Contracted: Heaviness, dread.
• Overriding contraction often leads to short-term gains (e.g., money) but long-term negative effects.
• Distinguish between thought-generated feelings and visceral, full-body sensations.

8. Clarity from Engagement, Not Thought:

• Mantra: "Clarity comes from engagement, not thought."
• If you hate your job but don't know what to do, take action in an area of interest (intern, read, take a class).
• Experiment and give yourself permission to try things.
• "You're not going to figure it out sitting on your couch."
• Address the "I don't have time" excuse: Track your time meticulously for 7 days to reveal wasted time.

9. Quitting as a Skill:

• Quitting is as important as starting.
• Understand your risk averseness.
• Study: Entrepreneurs who kept their day job while starting a business were 33% less likely to fail.
• Marie went back to bartending/waiting tables while building her coaching business.

10. Start Before You're Ready:

• Perfectionism causes procrastination.
• Marie's first workshop: Five people (two were her parents), Microsoft clip art workbooks, delivered in her yoga teacher's basement.
• "She was also awesome cuz she started before she was ready."
• Everything is messy; be willing to experiment, flop, laugh, and try again.

11. The Figureoutable Mindset:

• Three rules:
  1. All problems or dreams are figureoutable.
  2. If not figureoutable, it's a law of nature (death, taxes).
  3. You may not care enough to solve it, and that's okay.
• Creates a container for honesty about what you care enough about.

12. Wanting to Want Something:

• We often think we should want something (e.g., a six-pack, a business) but don't actually want it.
• "We want to have the motivation to do the thing. We want to want it."
• Leads to excuses, especially "I don't have the time."

13. Can't vs. Won't:

• 99% of the time, "can't" is a euphemism for "won't."
• "Won't" means you're not willing to make the sacrifice; it's not a priority.
• Try on "that's not a priority for me right now" to feel the honesty.
• Empowers you to realize you're making choices.
• In relationships, honesty is more effective than saying "I can't" when you mean "I don't want to."

14. Romantic Love and Relationships:

• Marie knew from a young age she didn't want to marry or have children.
• Challenging to find partners who accepted this.
• Game-changing work: Harvel Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt's Imago therapy ("Getting the Love You Want").
• Childhood wounds: Marie (freedom), Josh (abandonment).
• We choose partners to heal what we need to heal.
• Dialogue: A structured form of conversation for healing and connection.

15. Redefining Success:

• Marie redefined success by asking herself what mattered most (not just money or followers).
• Realized love was the most important thing and needed to be prioritized.
• Used Imago therapy tools to understand Josh's needs without feeling threatened.
• Success became driven by desire, fun, and creativity, not fear.

16. Social Pressure on Women:

• Acknowledges the pressure women face to conform to traditional roles (marriage, kids).
• Marie wants women to know they have the right to choose their destiny.
• Many women feel they must follow the prescription, even if it's not their true desire.

17. Time Genius:

• New program born out of Marie's own burnout at the end of 2020.
• Addresses "time stress": Not knowing what to focus on, feeling guilty for resting, trouble prioritizing, feeling "never enough."
• Five key parts:
  1. Mindset shift: From time stress to knowing there's always time for what's most important.
  2. Prioritization: When you know what's important, you can ignore what's not.
  3. Setting up to win: Design your environment and use technology to minimize distractions.
  4. Follow-through: Don't rely on motivation.

18. Multi-Passionate Entrepreneur:

• Marie has ADHD, but the link to being multi-passionate is unclear.
• Phrase gives people a "playground" to talk about different interests without feeling broken.
• Tried focusing on just coaching but felt like she was "cutting off a limb."
• Tenure test: If you don't try to make a passion a part of your career, will you regret it?
• Pursuing dance, coaching, and bartending led to joy and fulfillment, outweighing slower growth.

19. Creativity and Unique Inspiration:

• Marie's diverse experiences (dance, fitness videos) set her up for her YouTube show and brand.
• Creativity is having rare and unique points of inspiration and bringing them together.
• Steve Jobs' typography class example.

20. Current Struggles and Challenges:

• Professionally: Overcoming anxiety and nerves about speaking on stage.
• Personally: Josh would say she's still "being hard on herself."

21. Feeling Like a Fake (Imposter Syndrome):

• Marie still feels this way at times, even after 20 years.
• Example: Anxiety about speaking on stage despite her experience.
• Practice being kind to herself.

22. Getting Sober from Comparison:

• Social media was unhealthy for Marie; led to comparison and feeling "not enough."
• Solution: Limited social media use.
• Intentionality with social media:
  • Hire someone to post for you.
  • Set limits.
  • Mute accounts.
• Be intentional about the "library" you're creating with your follows.

23. Create Before You Consume:

• Especially important in the morning.
• When feeling insecure or fearful, pause and ask: What do I really want to create right now?

24. Closing Question and Lowest Point:

• Question: "What lesson have you learned from your lowest point? And is there anything about it that you're grateful for?"
• Lesson: Always trust your instincts and inner wisdom.
• Grateful because it deepens her relationship with herself and her faith in a higher intelligence.
• Lowest point: Josh telling her, "I don't think I love you anymore."
• Inner voice: "Fight for this relationship."
• She told Josh she still loved him and was willing to do whatever it takes to repair the relationship.
• Saw something in him crack, realizing he didn't know she cared that much.

Conclusion:

The interview delves into Marie Forleo's personal journey, highlighting the impact of early experiences on her beliefs, the challenges of prioritizing money over other human needs, and the importance of tuning into one's intuition. It emphasizes the value of embracing imperfection, taking action despite fear, and redefining success on one's own terms. The conversation provides actionable insights on balancing ambition with contentment, cultivating healthy relationships, and living a more authentic and fulfilling life.