The #1 Predictor Of Divorce I @masterclass

Key Concepts

• Contempt microexpression
• Dr. John Gottman's research on married couples
• Predictor of divorce
• Seeking mode
• Dispel contempt

Contempt as a Predictor of Divorce

Dr. John Gottman's extensive research on married couples identified contempt as the most significant predictor of divorce. Specifically, the "contempt microexpression" was found to be a powerful indicator. When one partner exhibits this microexpression towards the other, there is a 93.6% accuracy rate of divorce within 30 years.

The Nature and Progression of Contempt

Contempt is a particularly destructive emotion because it is persistent and does not easily dissipate. Unlike other negative emotions, it tends to escalate, transforming into disrespect and eventually hatred. This progression explains why individuals in deeply troubled marriages often reach a point where they are unable to communicate with each other.

Addressing Contempt in Interactions

When a contempt microexpression is observed, the recommended immediate response is to enter "seeking mode." This involves actively trying to understand the root cause of the contempt. Key questions to ask oneself or the other person include:

• What was said?
• What caused this reaction?
• What happened leading up to this moment?
• What can be done to address the situation?

Practical Strategies for Dispelling Contempt

The speaker suggests a practical strategy for dealing with contempt, particularly in professional settings like presentations or negotiations. The approach involves pausing and directly addressing the observed emotion by asking: "Does this all make sense? Any questions I can answer here?" This simple check-in often proves effective in diffusing the contempt. The rationale is that the other person feels acknowledged and understood, realizing that their confusion or discomfort has been noticed and addressed.

Conclusion

Contempt, as identified by Dr. John Gottman's research, is a critical indicator of relationship breakdown, particularly in marriages. Its persistent nature and tendency to evolve into disrespect and hatred make it a formidable challenge. Recognizing and actively addressing contempt through a "seeking mode" and direct, empathetic communication can be instrumental in dispelling it and fostering healthier interactions.