Taking accountability for your disrespect

Key Concepts:

• Unintentional disrespect
• Personal biases and prejudices
• Responding to feedback about disrespectful behavior
• Self-awareness
• Responsibility for education on offensive behavior

Responding to Feedback on Disrespectful Behavior

The speaker emphasizes that despite not intending to be disrespectful or harmful, everyone, including herself, harbors biases and prejudices that can lead to disrespectful behavior. The core issue addressed is how to respond when receiving feedback indicating that one has been disrespectful.

What Not to Do: The Speaker's Personal Example

The speaker recounts an experience during a presentation where she made a joke about herself as "short, blonde, and southern," unaware of the offensive nature of the stereotypes associated with those characteristics. A woman in the audience confronted her, stating the comment was offensive, and left the room upset. The speaker's initial reaction was to offer a quick apology to move on and finish the presentation.

The Problem with a Rushed Apology

The speaker acknowledges that her rushed apology worsened the situation. It conveyed a lack of genuine concern or understanding of the offense caused. This highlights the importance of not simply trying to "move on" without addressing the underlying issue.

Lessons Learned: Taking Responsibility for Self-Education

The key takeaway from the experience is the speaker's realization that it is her responsibility to understand what she did wrong. She emphasizes that it is not the responsibility of the person offended to educate her. This underscores the importance of self-awareness and proactive learning about potentially offensive behaviors.

The Burden of Education

The speaker explicitly states that the onus of understanding the impact of one's words and actions lies with the individual who caused the offense, not the victim. It is "really hard to become aware of these things" but necessary.

Conclusion

The speaker concludes by emphasizing the difficulty of becoming aware of one's biases and prejudices, but reiterates the importance of taking responsibility for self-education when feedback indicates disrespectful behavior. The core message is to avoid quick, insincere apologies and instead, actively seek to understand the offense caused and learn from the experience.