Tại sao cứ phải là “đàn ông xây nhà, đàn bà xây tổ ấm”? | #Homentor SS02 EP02 | Văn Phú X Spiderum

Key Concepts

• Nhà (House/Home): More than just a physical structure, it's a place of belonging, emotional connection, and personal identity.
• Tổ ấm (Nest/Warmth): The emotional core of a home, characterized by peace, warmth, love, and shared experiences.
• Cơm nhà êm (Comfortable home-cooked meals): Symbolizes the ease, acceptance, and comfort found within a home, a stark contrast to the professional demands of the outside world.
• Không gian riêng tư (Private space): Essential for individual well-being, allowing for "recharging" and personal reflection.
• Không gian chung (Shared space): The areas where families connect, interact, and build memories.
• Nghi thức nhỏ (Small rituals): Daily or weekly practices that strengthen family bonds and create a sense of belonging.
• Chất lượng thời gian (Quality time): Prioritizing focused, present attention during shared moments over mere duration.
• Bỏ phố về quê (Leaving the city for the countryside): A growing trend driven by urban pressures and the rise of remote work, but requiring careful planning and realistic expectations.
• Smart home: The future of housing, integrating technology for convenience and efficiency.
• Cộng đồng cư dân (Resident community): The social fabric of a housing development, fostering interaction and a sense of belonging.

The Evolving Definition of Home and Family Roles

The traditional saying "men build houses, women build nests" is being challenged and redefined in modern society. While the roles may shift, the fundamental essence of creating a home and a family remains a shared endeavor. This podcast explores the multifaceted nature of "home" through the perspectives of a poet, a real estate developer, and a host, delving into personal experiences, evolving societal norms, and future trends in housing and family life.

Defining "Nhà" and "Tổ ấm"

• Nhược Lạc (Poet): Views "nhà" as a place of belonging, where one's heart resides. It's not just about the physical structure but the accumulated experiences, relationships, and the feeling of always wanting to return.
• Việt Dũng (Real Estate Developer): Differentiates between the material aspect of a house (a place for daily living and family gatherings) and the spiritual aspect, which encompasses peace and warmth within the family.
• Nhược Lạc's "Cơm nhà êm": The term "êm" (smooth, gentle, comfortable) in her poetry collection signifies a feeling of ease and acceptance. It's a space where one can shed professional personas and be their true self, surrounded by love and comfort. This comfort is cultivated through simple daily rituals like eating together, drinking tea, and conversing.

The Significance of Shared Meals

• Việt Dũng: For men in demanding professions like real estate, home-cooked meals are highly cherished and often missed. He emphasizes the importance of a wife's empathy, a child's hug, and a meal filled with laughter and happiness as the components of a complete family meal.
• Nhược Lạc: Recalls her first experience moving into a small, old house with her husband. The initial feeling of uncertainty about it becoming a "home" was dispelled by the aroma of a freshly cooked meal, signifying the start of their family life.
• Bách (Host): Shares his first meal in his new home with his wife and two children – a simple bowl of instant noodles eaten under a bare ceiling light. This humble meal was the most delicious he ever had, marking a significant milestone in their journey after ten years of living with his parents.

A Memorable Real Estate Deal: Building a Life, Not Just a House

Việt Dũng recounts a particularly impactful experience from his 17 years in real estate. He assisted a young, financially struggling couple, both factory workers, who were expecting their first child and living with relatives. Despite their limited savings (under 160 million VND) and the difficulty of securing a loan, Việt Dũng guided them through the process.

• The Dilemma: The couple could afford an apartment on an upper floor with preferential loans, but Việt Dũng proposed a ground-floor apartment, which was 200 million VND more expensive.
• The Solution: To make the ground-floor option viable, Việt Dũng helped them develop a small business model for a ground-floor retail space, projecting a steady income stream that would be more beneficial than their factory jobs.
• The Outcome: After three days of deliberation, the couple chose the ground-floor apartment. They invested nearly 50 million VND to equip the store, which quickly became profitable. Within six months, the store was stable, and the husband was able to leave his factory job to help manage it. Three years later, the couple had purchased land and were living comfortably with their parents, having transformed their lives through this strategic housing decision. Việt Dũng considers this the most memorable deal of his career, as it profoundly changed the couple's lives.

The Evolving Roles of Men and Women in Home Building

• Nhược Lạc: Believes the traditional roles are changing, with women increasingly "building houses" and men "building nests." However, she argues that simply switching roles doesn't fundamentally alter the burden. True home-building requires the contribution of both partners. In her own family, she and her husband share financial responsibilities and jointly nurture their home and family.
• Việt Dũng: Observes that men tend to be more rational in their home-buying decisions, prioritizing location, potential for price appreciation, and traffic planning. They also consider space and layout, particularly the living room and its functionality. Utility is assessed for business potential. Feng Shui, direction, and land topography are also factors.
• Women's Priorities: Women, on the other hand, focus on proximity to schools, markets, and healthcare facilities for family convenience. They also prioritize the management and operation of the urban area, with a strong emphasis on security and the quality of the resident community (civility, low conflict, high education levels). They are also more detailed in visualizing interior design, from furniture placement to decorative elements.

The Importance of Private and Shared Spaces

• Nhược Lạc: As a writer, she values her private space for "recharging." Her family has a dedicated room that serves as a quiet retreat, where her husband and children respect her need for solitude. She emphasizes that private time is crucial for maintaining energy and connection within the family.
• Bách: While he enjoys solitary activities, he prefers his family to be nearby. He finds that the warmth of his family is essential and can feel lonely when they are away. He sometimes resorts to riding his motorbike to clear his head when he needs personal space.
• Việt Dũng: Finds his "recharging" moments during his commute home. His young daughter's affectionate greetings and questions about his "battery level" instantly replenish his energy. He prefers shared family time, such as cooking with his wife or watching movies with his children, over complete solitude. For him, "private" can also mean time with his wife or children, engaging in shared conversations and decision-making. He fears being alone, as it depletes his energy.

Văn Phú's Approach to Designing Livable Spaces

Việt Dũng, from Văn Phú, explains their approach to creating harmonious living environments. They meticulously plan for distinct zones:

• Active Zones: Areas with shop houses for commerce and services, and recreational spaces for exercise and entertainment.
• Semi-Active Zones: Quieter areas, often catering to younger demographics, with smaller housing units, sports facilities, and schools.
• Quiet Zones: Enclosed villa areas offering high security and tranquility, free from commercial activities.

This segmentation aims to balance the needs for both private and shared spaces, catering to diverse resident lifestyles.

Evolving Perspectives on Home and Family Over Time

• Nhược Lạc: Her core desire for a warm and happy family has remained constant, but the details have become clearer with age and experience. Meeting her husband and raising children has helped her visualize and actively build the happy family life she always envisioned. Simple moments like shared meals and family interactions are the building blocks of this happiness.
• Bách: His initial aversion to apartments has shifted after living in one. He now appreciates the convenience and efficiency of apartment living, though he acknowledges his parents remain attached to their spacious house with a garden. He believes his own views on housing will continue to evolve.
• Việt Dũng: He notes that housing needs change with age. Younger clients prioritize convenience and central locations for work, while older clients, upon retirement, often seek quieter, more rural settings to reconnect with nature and their past. He also observes the growing trend of young people leaving cities for the countryside, driven by urban pressures and remote work opportunities, but cautions that this requires careful planning and realistic expectations for business ventures.

Rituals for Nurturing the Family Nest

• Nhược Lạc: Emphasizes the importance of "quality time" over mere duration. Small rituals, whether it's sharing tea, coffee, reading, or watching a movie together, are vital. The key is to be fully present and engaged during these moments.
• Bách: Suggests weekly movie nights where each family member gets to choose a film, fostering shared enjoyment and discussion. He believes in being a "friend" to his children, engaging with them on their level.
• Việt Dũng: Highlights a daily ritual of kissing his wife and children before leaving for work, a small gesture that reinforces their bond and provides a sense of emotional "recharge."

The Future of Housing and Home

• Việt Dũng: Predicts significant changes in the next decade, driven by technology and the rise of the "smart home." He envisions homes integrating co-working spaces, tea rooms, and even gyms. The concept of community will also evolve, with developers continuously building and nurturing resident communities that blend private and shared living.
• Nhược Lạc: Sees her current endeavors as preparation for the future. While she enjoys the present, she is also investing in a better future for her children and future generations. She anticipates that her definition of "home" might evolve in terms of location and amenities, and she would seek expert advice for such changes.
• Việt Dũng: Acknowledges that the definition of urban living and community spaces is changing, with developers investing in comprehensive amenities. He also notes that the needs of residents evolve with age, leading to shifts in housing preferences.

Advice for Young Homebuyers

• Nhược Lạc: Advises young people to first understand themselves – their needs, desires, and priorities. She stresses that even experts cannot help effectively if the individual doesn't know what they truly want. Self-awareness is key to realizing personal housing aspirations.
• Việt Dũng: Encourages buyers to look beyond just a "beautiful" house. He urges them to choose a home that brings daily happiness and comfort, rather than one that is merely aesthetically pleasing.

The podcast concludes with a reflection on the evolving nature of home and family, emphasizing that whether it's men building houses and women building nests, or vice versa, the ultimate goal is to create a warm, happy, and fulfilling life together.