Six behaviors to increase your confidence | Emily Jaenson | TEDxReno

Key Concepts

Confidence, behavior change, acting confidently, overcoming shyness, leadership, female executives in sports, self-improvement, courage, supporting others, celebrating success.

1. Introduction: Overcoming Shyness and the Need for Confidence

The speaker, Glenny Lapaix, begins by sharing a personal anecdote about her shyness in high school, where she was too timid to order a pizza over the phone. She contrasts this with her later experience in college, where she felt homesick and overwhelmed, lacking the confidence she saw in other students. This sets the stage for her central argument: that confidence is a crucial skill for achieving goals and that it can be developed through behavioral changes.

2. The Behavioral Approach to Confidence

Lapaix emphasizes that changing attitudes starts with changing behaviors. She cites research supporting the idea that acting differently leads to feeling differently. She poses three key questions: "Who am I?" "Who do I want to become?" and "How does this person I want to become behave?" For her, the desired outcome was a successful career as a sports executive, which required her to act more confidently.

3. Achieving the Goal: First Female General Manager

Lapaix highlights her success story: becoming the first female general manager of a Triple-A baseball team in nearly 20 years. She also mentions hosting the "Leadership is Female" podcast, where she interviewed over 90 female executives in sports, an industry dominated by men at the management level. These women consistently identified confidence as the most important skill they developed to advance their careers.

4. Six Behaviors to Increase Confidence

Lapaix presents six actionable behaviors to increase confidence:

4.1. Count Yourself In

This involves using a countdown technique to overcome hesitation and initiate action. She shares a personal example of confronting an opposing manager whose team was wearing the wrong uniform. By mentally counting down "Three, two, one, go," she was able to overcome her reluctance and address the uncomfortable situation. The "counting" gets you started, and the momentum keeps you going.

4.2. Give Yourself 20 Seconds of Courage

This behavior focuses on taking small, decisive actions despite fear or uncertainty. Lapaix recounts her experience of publishing her podcast, where she hesitated before clicking the "Upload" button. By giving herself just 20 seconds of courage, she overcame her doubts and launched the podcast.

4.3. Take a Seat at the Table

This emphasizes the importance of actively participating and asserting oneself in professional settings. Lapaix shares a story about a woman who represents baseball players who noticed women waiting on the sidelines instead of taking a seat at the table. The speaker highlights the importance of physically taking a seat at the table to be heard and get the deal done.

4.4. Cheer for Other People's Success

This behavior promotes a supportive and collaborative mindset. Lapaix encourages celebrating the achievements of colleagues instead of feeling envious or threatened. She quotes Amy Poehler's phrase, "Good for her, not for me," as a way to reframe feelings of inadequacy. She shares an example of a woman who was promoted to chief marketing officer after publicly congratulating the newly named female league president.

4.5. Bolster Your Confidence Through Prior Success

This involves leveraging past accomplishments to build confidence in new situations. Lapaix advises reflecting on one's strengths, past achievements, and areas of improvement. She shares a story of a woman who reviewed her job description and past successes before pitching for a promotion, which ultimately led to her success.

4.6. Celebrate Constantly

This emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and celebrating achievements to reinforce positive behaviors. Lapaix suggests creating highlight reels, taking teams out for celebratory drinks, or treating oneself to a massage. The goal is to create a positive association with success and reinforce the behaviors that led to it.

5. Conclusion: The Power of Confidence

Lapaix concludes by reflecting on her personal transformation from a shy girl to a confident leader. She emphasizes that this change was driven by her decision to become a more confident person. She ends with a call to action, asking the audience to consider what they could achieve if they were ten times more confident.