Roman's Room: Where loops and liberation intertwine | Nikki Harris | TEDxReisterstown

Key Concepts

• STEMI: A personal application of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics) found in repetitive, grounding activities like knitting and crocheting.
• Sensory Processing: Roman’s experience of the world with heightened sensitivity to sounds and feelings.
• Stimming: Self-stimulatory behavior, often repetitive movements or sounds, used to regulate emotions and sensory input.
• Neurodiversity: The idea that neurological differences like autism are natural variations in the human genome, not deficits.
• Inclusive Spaces: Environments designed to accommodate and celebrate diverse needs, particularly those of neurodivergent individuals.
• Advocacy: Actively supporting and promoting the rights and well-being of others, particularly those facing systemic barriers.

The Therapeutic Power of Yarn: A Mother’s Journey with Autism and Advocacy

This narrative details a mother’s (referred to as Reason/Nick) journey raising her non-verbal son, Roman, who is autistic, and how she discovered the therapeutic and empowering potential of knitting and crocheting – which she terms “STEMI” – as a coping mechanism for both herself and her son. The story evolves from a personal struggle for her son’s well-being to a broader advocacy for neurodiversity and the creation of inclusive spaces.

Roman’s Story and the Need for a Different Approach

Roman’s early development presented challenges. His favorite words were “no” and “stop,” and at age two, he ceased verbal communication. He communicates primarily through facial expressions and experiences the world with intense sensory sensitivity. Reason quickly realized that traditional approaches to autism, as presented by medical professionals and within the IEP (Individualized Education Program) system, were inadequate. She felt these systems focused on “fixing” Roman rather than understanding and accommodating his unique needs. She describes doctors “talking around” her, demonstrating a lack of lived experience with the realities of raising a neurodivergent child.

Reason states, “I knew quickly if I wanted my son to thrive, I could not wait for anyone to come in and say this. I had to what I had and what I had was my heart in my hands.” This highlights her commitment to becoming her son’s primary advocate and utilizing her own intuition and resources.

The Discovery of STEMI and its Dual Benefit

Knitting and crocheting initially served as a grounding force for Reason, providing “safety” and “consistency” during challenging times. Her husband recognized this as her personal form of STEMI – a repetitive, methodical activity that offered a sense of control and calm. However, the true power of these crafts emerged when she began creating textured items for Roman to hold during moments of sensory overload. Allowing him to choose the colors was crucial, ensuring the creations were truly for him.

She notes, “It wasn't just a hobby. And I was myself a new truth that my softness was strength and that creating was going to be my survival.” This demonstrates a shift in her self-perception, recognizing the strength and resilience found in traditionally “soft” activities. The act of creating became a form of self-care and a tangible expression of her love and support for Roman.

Building Inclusive Spaces and Challenging the System

Reason actively challenged the existing systems, advocating for Roman’s needs in IEP meetings and questioning the approaches of autism centers. She recognized that the world wasn’t built for individuals like Roman and took it upon herself to create inclusive environments. This included educating others with kindness, but also asserting boundaries with a “mean side eye” when necessary. Her goal wasn’t to change Roman, but to shift the world’s perspective.

A pivotal moment occurred when Roman ran through a wall, a physical manifestation of his distress in an environment that couldn’t contain his needs. This led to a psychiatric evaluation on his 16th birthday and a realization that her advocacy extended beyond Roman to all those who feel unseen and unsupported.

Romans: A Sanctuary and a Sensory Art Exhibit

Reason transformed her home, “Romans,” into a sanctuary for Roman and others like him. This evolved into a sensory art exhibit, showcasing the power of tactile experiences and community support. The exhibit demonstrated how a simple material like yarn could “calm the storm” and how listening to diverse perspectives could foster empowerment.

She describes the exhibit as a place “where all behavior expressions are welcome,” emphasizing the importance of acceptance and non-judgment. This underscores her belief that behavior is communication, and understanding the underlying needs is crucial.

Full Circle and a Continued Mission

The narrative culminates with Reason reflecting on a full-circle moment – returning to the same building where she held her first fashion show (to raise money for Roman’s school) to share her story. She attributes this to “God engineering” and reaffirms her commitment to continuing her work with yarn and advocacy.

She acknowledges the influence of a psychiatrist who sarcastically suggested she “build her son a safe space,” recognizing this as the catalyst for her journey. She also expresses gratitude to her sister and those who financially supported her efforts.

Call to Action

Reason concludes with a powerful call to action, asking the audience to consider who in their lives is waiting for the world to make room for them and what they can build today to demonstrate belonging. She emphasizes the power of human connection and empathy to create a more inclusive future.

Technical Terms & Concepts

• IEP (Individualized Education Program): A legally documented plan outlining educational goals and services for students with disabilities.
• Sensory Overload: A state of being overwhelmed by sensory input (sounds, lights, textures, etc.).
• Neurodivergent: A non-pathologizing term for individuals whose brains function differently from the neurotypical majority. Autism is a form of neurodivergence.
• Stimming (Self-Stimulatory Behavior): Repetitive movements or sounds used to regulate emotions and sensory input. Often misunderstood, stimming is a natural and often necessary behavior for neurodivergent individuals.

Synthesis

Reason’s story is a powerful testament to the transformative power of love, creativity, and advocacy. It highlights the importance of challenging systemic barriers, embracing neurodiversity, and creating inclusive spaces where all individuals can thrive. Her journey demonstrates that seemingly simple activities like knitting and crocheting can be profoundly therapeutic and empowering, not only for those experiencing sensory challenges but also for their caregivers. The narrative serves as an inspiring call to action, urging listeners to actively build a more compassionate and accepting world.