Reflective Resilience: Black Belt Tips for Combating Chaos | Nguyen Griggs | TEDxThird Ward

Key Concepts

Reflective resilience, stress management, cognitive behavioral therapy, conflict resolution, personal well-being, mindset, happiness, upbringing influence, behavioral change, prioritizing well-being.

Encounter with a Stranger: The Catalyst

Dr. Nwin Tom Griggs recounts an encounter with a confrontational stranger outside his business mailbox on a hot summer day. The stranger's aggressive behavior and challenging words ("Hey man yeah you i want you to know something i'm for real you got me all I've gotten is confused and a little more miserable from the heat") triggered a strong reaction in Dr. Griggs. He describes feeling frustrated and ready to escalate the situation physically.

The Pause and Moment of Reflection

Instead of reacting impulsively, Dr. Griggs experienced a "pause" and a "moment of reflection." This pause allowed him to assess the situation and choose a different course of action. He told the stranger to "go about your business" and entered the store, assuming a defensive posture ("Tom Cat attack stance") but ultimately avoiding physical confrontation.

Reflective Resilience: A Process for Combating Chaotic Moments

Dr. Griggs introduces the concept of "reflective resilience" as a way to navigate life's chaotic moments. He defines resilience as the capacity to adapt to stress and bounce back from adversity. The "reflective" portion involves thinking about one's thoughts, feelings, and how they inform actions during stressful situations. He notes its basis in cognitive behavioral therapy.

Applying Reflective Resilience: The Example

Dr. Griggs explains how he applied reflective resilience in the encounter with the stranger. He found a more peaceful resolution by using assertive but respectful body language and wording. His motivation was that a peaceful outcome aligned with his values and who he wanted to be.

Three Key Questions for Implementing Reflective Resilience

Dr. Griggs outlines three questions to implement the reflective resilience process:

1. What's stressing me out right now and how is it affecting me? He explains that the heat, lack of parking, and the search for a late payment check contributed to his stress levels before the encounter. The stranger's aggression added to this "stacking effect."
2. How does your upbringing and background affect how you deal with stress and adversity? Dr. Griggs shares that growing up in violent neighborhoods in Houston exposed him to the negative consequences of escalating conflicts. This experience made him averse to violence and loss. He also reveals his extensive martial arts background (multiple black belts, senior instructor in Japanese Jiu-Jitsu), emphasizing that he was capable of physical defense but chose de-escalation.
3. Would you be willing to change how you deal with conflict for a happier life? He acknowledges that ingrained responses to stress can sometimes exacerbate problems. He emphasizes the importance of being willing to adjust these responses to achieve greater happiness.

Research Supporting Behavioral Change

Dr. Griggs cites two studies to support the idea of behavioral change:

• 2012 Southwick and Charney study: Found that people who regularly review and adjust their personal well-being practices experience greater contentment.
• 2013 Liberki's study on happiness: Concluded that mindset is more important than initial emotional response in moments of crisis.

He emphasizes that achieving different outcomes requires adopting different approaches.

The Story of "Hard Times"

Dr. Griggs shares a story about a man nicknamed "Hard Times" from his childhood. He asked his father why the man had that nickname, and his father explained that the man had made choices that led to a difficult life. His father's statement, "Son hard is the only way some people know how to live," highlights the idea that some people are stuck in patterns of behavior that perpetuate hardship.

Conclusion: Choosing Happiness and Seeking Support

Dr. Griggs concludes by encouraging the audience to consider a life with less challenge and better coping mechanisms. He urges them to prioritize their well-being, even if it means going against cultural norms or upbringing. He emphasizes the importance of seeking support from networks, community, therapy, and other resources. He ends by asking the audience to "choose well, choose wisely, and choose your happiness."