Real men get help | Hassan "MVP" Assad | TEDxLone Star College

Key Concepts

• Masculinity and Mental Health: The societal pressure on men to be strong and suppress weakness, contrasting with the reality of mental health struggles.
• Panic Attacks: Episodes of intense fear accompanied by physical symptoms, often mistaken for other serious conditions like heart attacks.
• Childhood Trauma: The long-term impact of early experiences such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, and bullying.
• Trauma Reservoir: A metaphorical concept describing the accumulation of unaddressed traumatic experiences over time, which can eventually overflow or manifest in various ways.
• Seeking Professional Help: The importance and courage required for men to engage with mental health specialists.
• Suicide Statistics (Men): The disproportionately high rate of suicide among men, linked to the reluctance to discuss mental health.

Speaker's Diverse Identities and the Perception of "Tough Guys"

Hassan Assad introduces himself through his various identities:

• Professional Wrestler: Known globally as Montel Vontavius Porter (MVP), a "half man, half amazing ballerin superstar."
• Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Practitioner: A black belt, addressed as "Professor Hassan" by students and colleagues.
• Former Inmate: Inmate 1901197, a consequence of "very bad decisions" made as a teenager in Miami, leading to prison.

He then contrasts these identities with society's general idea of "tough guys," which includes football players, construction workers, soldiers, professional wrestlers (known for suplexes, body slams, chair shots), martial artists, and MMA fighters (requiring mental discipline and physical toughness). Ex-convicts are also perceived as capable of handling themselves. However, he highlights the prevailing societal expectation of masculinity: men must be strong, providers, protectors, and are "not allowed to show weakness" or fear.

The Onset of Panic Attacks and Initial Denial

Hassan recounts his first panic attack approximately 10-11 years prior, on a flight from Houston to San Francisco.

• Symptoms: Sudden intense heat, profuse sweating, chest tightness, shortness of breath.
• Reaction: He sought to hide in the lavatory, then approached a flight attendant who identified it as a "panic attack." Hassan was relieved it wasn't a heart attack, as symptoms were similar. The feelings subsided after he accepted a glass of water.

A second, more significant panic attack occurred at home while his three-year-old son was watching Moana.

• Symptoms: Recurrence of chest tightness, shortness of breath, dizziness, and sweating.
• Key Realization: In that moment, he connected his son's age (three) to his own age when he was first sexually abused by a family friend. He held his son tightly, needing him, and the feelings subsided.
• Post-Event Action: He did "absolutely nothing," rationalizing it with the common male sentiment: "Suck it up, man. You're okay. You're fine. It's all in your head. You'll be all right."

A third, more intense panic attack occurred after a bong rip, which usually brought relaxation.

• Severity: Symptoms were "worse than ever before," leading him to genuinely believe he might be having a heart attack (referencing Sanford and Son).
• Self-Negotiation: He drove to urgent care, prepared to collapse if it was a heart attack, but expected the symptoms to subside, which they did.
• Coping Mechanism: He watched The Sopranos, noting Tony Soprano's anxiety attacks, but initially dismissed the idea of therapy for himself.

The Turning Point: Seeking Professional Help

The fourth panic attack was the most severe, causing him to tremble uncontrollably to the point he couldn't retrieve his ID at urgent care.

• Emotional Breakthrough: He started "sobbing uncontrollably," feeling scared and out of control.
• Fear of Exposure: He ran outside to hide in the parking lot, fearing his public image as MVP would be tarnished if seen crying.
• Intervention: A "wonderful woman" at the urgent care calmed him and urged him to see a mental health care specialist. Tired of the struggle, Hassan decided to take a different approach.

He sought help from Chris Manzioni, the sports psychologist for All Elite Wrestling (AEW), his employer, which provides full-time mental health specialists.

• Privacy Concern: Hassan requested Manzioni meet him in his hotel room, not wanting to be seen talking to a therapist.
• Trauma Unveiling: Manzioni encouraged him to "Tell me about your life." Hassan recounted a lifetime of trauma:
  • Childhood Sexual Abuse: At age three.
  • Physical and Verbal Abuse: From his stressed single mother, who worked multiple jobs to lift her family out of poverty (e.g., being beaten with a Tonka truck, called "You no good for nothing rotten son of a bitching kid").
  • Social Isolation and Bullying: Feeling neither "white enough" nor "black enough" in school, leading to frequent fights and learning to fight by being beaten up.
  • Overcompensation and Criminality: Deciding not to be "soft anymore," he became a gang member, escalating to stolen cars, armed robbery, shootouts, and high-speed chases.
  • Prison Experience: At 17, in maximum security, he learned to adapt his mentality to survive in a "room full of predators."
  • Post-Incarceration Violence: As a convicted felon unable to find work, he became a bouncer, making violence a "regular part of my life."

The "Trauma Reservoir" and the Call to Action

Chris Manzioni explained the concept of a "reservoir for trauma," likening it to a dam that must release water or it will find another way out. He identified Hassan's as a "Hoover Dam-sized reservoir, nearly 50 years of unaddressed trauma." Manzioni recommended a mental health specialist in Houston, which Hassan accepted.

Hassan then highlights critical statistics and societal pressures:

• Suicide Rates: Men are "four times more likely than women to take their own lives," with "36,000 men a year" dying by suicide.
• Reflection: He questions if combat veterans and other men who died by suicide would still be alive if they had talked to someone.
• Societal Norms: He reiterates the pressure: "We can't be weak. We can't show weakness. We have to be strong. We're not allowed to be weak."

He challenges this notion, redefining strength: "A real man will ask for help because the biggest fight sometimes is the fight within. It's the hardest thing to overcome." He decided he was "tired of feeling bad" and took the step to get help.

Hassan shares that by opening up, he discovered many "tough dudes" (rappers, MMA fighters) also struggled with similar issues, often admitting, "Yeah, man. Me too, man. I just don't want to talk about it."

Conclusion: The Power of Vulnerability

Hassan Assad concludes with a powerful message: "It doesn't make you any less of a man to ask for help. We all need a little help sometimes." He sought help to be a better man for himself, his son, and his loved ones. He urges everyone listening to "talk to somebody. Get some help." He emphasizes that confronting internal struggles is a sign of true strength, allowing one to "be a better man for you, for the people that you love and the people that love you."