My Problem with Faith | Szonja Rakosi | TEDxBBIS Youth

Key Concepts

• Divine Intervention: The belief that a deity actively intervenes in human affairs in response to prayer or faith.
• Religious Pluralism: The experience of living among and observing different religious traditions (e.g., Islam in Dubai, Christianity).
• The "Promise" of Faith: The childhood understanding that sincere belief and prayer guarantee divine protection or positive outcomes.
• Spiritual Disillusionment: The psychological process of losing faith when prayers go unanswered during personal crises.
• Secular Ethics: The perspective that morality, kindness, and goodness are independent of religious doctrine.

1. Main Topics and Key Points

• The Childhood Construction of Faith: Sonia describes her upbringing as a Christian in Dubai, where she observed the warmth and community of her Muslim neighbors. She notes that her mother presented God’s love not as a lesson, but as an objective fact of the world.
• The Search for Signs: Upon moving to Germany, Sonia began a personal quest for proof of God. She interpreted natural phenomena (like shifting winds) as divine guidance, acknowledging that she "made it real" through her own desperate desire for certainty.
• The Crisis of Faith: During a period of intense bullying in Budapest (5th–8th grade), Sonia turned to prayer as a survival mechanism. She made deals and begged for intervention, but the lack of change led to a profound sense of abandonment.
• The Failure of Religious Institutions: Sonia recounts an incident where she wore a hijab for a school costume day out of curiosity. She was labeled a "terrorist" and reprimanded by teachers, while boys who mocked the same religion were ignored. This hypocrisy served as a catalyst for her abandoning organized religion.

2. Important Examples and Real-World Applications

• Dubai vs. Budapest: Sonia contrasts the "heartbeat" of a community united by faith in Dubai with the isolation she felt in Budapest. This highlights how the environment of a religion often dictates how it is perceived by a child.
• The Costume Day Incident: This serves as a case study on the double standards within educational environments regarding religious expression. It illustrates how institutional bias can alienate individuals from the very faith they are attempting to understand.

3. Key Arguments and Perspectives

• The Burden of the "Promise": Sonia argues that the most damaging aspect of religious upbringing is the promise that "if you believe hard enough, it will work." When prayers fail, the child is left with the damaging conclusion that they are either unworthy or lacking in faith.
• Morality vs. Religion: She posits that kindness does not require a religious framework. She notes that she has experienced cruelty from the religious and profound kindness from those who never mentioned God.
• The Distinction Between Wishing and Knowing: Sonia concludes that while she still wishes for the comfort of a divine best friend, she recognizes the necessity of teaching children the difference between a wish and an objective truth.

4. Notable Quotes

• "I was not feeling being silly. I was being faithful. I wanted so badly for it to be real that I made it real in every small moment I could find."
• "The problem is not the love. The problem is the promise."
• "Wishing something is true and knowing it is true are two different things. And I think children deserve to know the difference."

5. Synthesis and Conclusion

Sonia’s narrative is a reflection on the transition from childhood faith to adult skepticism. Her journey suggests that while religious communities can provide genuine warmth and ethical foundations, the rigid "promise" of divine intervention can be psychologically harmful when reality fails to align with those expectations. Ultimately, she advocates for a focus on universal human values—kindness and care—which she identifies as the core, actionable essence of all religions, regardless of whether one believes in a deity. Her takeaway is a call for honesty with children, allowing them to distinguish between the comfort of hope and the reality of their lived experiences.