Married With A Funeral Business Together: How We Make It Work | On The Red Dot

Here's a comprehensive summary of the YouTube video transcript:

Key Concepts

• Business Partnership Dynamics: The video explores the complexities of a couple running a business together, focusing on division of labor, conflict resolution, and maintaining a healthy relationship.
• Funeral Industry: The transcript delves into the realities of the funeral business, including its challenges, stigma, and the personal journeys of those involved.
• Work-Life Integration: The couple's approach to blending work and personal life, emphasizing that for them, work is life and they enjoy their shared endeavors.
• Generational Transition: The discussion around the potential for their children to take over the family business and the lessons learned about time and life.

Business Roles and Responsibilities

The initial segment clarifies the hierarchy within a business, with the CEO being the ultimate authority and the Managing Director reporting to them. This is contrasted with the couple's own business structure where they have distinct departments and responsibilities. Jenny handles floristry, social media, marketing, PR, and customer management, while Darren manages finance, operations, logistics, embalming, and funeral directing. They emphasize a clear division of labor, stating, "We don't step on each other's toes."

Aesthetic Preferences and Decision-Making

A point of contention arises regarding aesthetic decisions. Jenny asserts her preference for handling aesthetic design, stating, "Most of the time I'll prefer to be the one handling it. So even if he say yes or no, I will still override him." She uses an example of Darren cutting their son's hair incorrectly as evidence of her superior "aesthetic eye." Darren acknowledges having different aesthetic preferences but implies Jenny's is more dominant in certain areas.

Event Planning and Collaboration

The couple is planning a bookless music album launch event scheduled for August 21st. Jenny is taking the lead on planning, and Darren is expected to assist with welcoming guests, particularly a minister. There's a discussion about the presentation strategy, with Jenny suggesting a rotation of speakers to avoid an "awkward" situation of one person constantly addressing the VIP. Darren initially pushes back, wanting to control his own time, but Jenny insists on her planning.

Conflict Resolution and Communication

The couple acknowledges that their primary conflict arises from "tone of voice." Darren feels Jenny's tone can be demeaning, while Jenny believes she has the ability to "prick back" when rejected by him, unlike with others. They have established rules for conflict, agreeing to resolve arguments in the car before entering the office and resuming a "cold war" on the drive home. They pride themselves on never having conflicts in front of employees, contrasting themselves with other couples in the industry who do. Jenny mentions giving Darren "the eye" if he raises his voice in front of her family.

Relationship History and Origins

Their relationship began when Darren was dating Jenny's classmate. He knew Jenny lived in the same condominium and they started studying together. They lost contact when the classmate ended their friendships. Years later, Darren saw Jenny's name in the newspaper and reconnected. He describes their initial dates as simple activities like going for "prata" and "yakun," which he valued as a sign of her being "down to earth." Darren admits to having a "gut feeling" he might marry Jenny, even though he felt "friend-zoned" by her initially due to her being "always attached." Jenny, at the time, was in advertising and events, and Darren was in counseling.

Entry into the Funeral Business

Jenny's father, Roland, has been in the funeral business for 40 years. Her parents separated when she was 15, and her father remarried multiple times. Jenny joined her father's business after he experienced a health crisis (a minor heart attack) and was in a "bad state" and alone. Despite not being close due to his third family, she felt compelled to help. Roland was initially hesitant, citing the demanding nature of the 24/7 job and the need to meet people at night, which he deemed unsuitable for a woman.

Darren joined Jenny in the business in 2012, volunteering to help her navigate the then "very rough" and "99% men" funeral industry. He trusted Jenny's judgment in bringing him on board. They note that Roland's previous partners were not directly involved in the business, unlike his third wife, with whom he experienced significant conflicts.

Impact of Parental Divorce and Marriage Views

Jenny states that her parents' divorce did not affect her view of marriage, believing that relationships require a "two-way effort" and that past trauma shouldn't dictate future happiness.

Initial Challenges and Financial Struggles

When Jenny quit her job to join her father, her parents were unaware. She eventually called her father for coffee to reveal she had been an undertaker for six months. Her father, initially superstitious about death, was surprised but supportive, asking her to convey his message kindly to her mother. Roland, as the only son, was concerned about their feelings. Both Jenny and Darren were open to the funeral profession, despite its taboo nature for others.

Upon taking over the business from Roland, they had only $10,000 in their account and a "debt of six digits." They started with only two staff, with Roland manning the hotline and activating Darren. Jenny's previous work involved pen and paper, while in the funeral business, it was hands-on, including carrying stretchers and driving. She estimates spending at least 7 hours a day on the road.

Overcoming Stigma and Proving Themselves

Jenny faced gossip and doubt from others who predicted she wouldn't last in the industry. She recalls her first experience in the embalming room, seeing organs, but felt prepared and asked to help with makeup. She felt a constant need to "keep on trying to prove them wrong."

Financial Recovery and Business Rebranding

The company inherited tax issues from Roland's previous management, leading to significant debts. They had to allocate all earnings to debt repayment, with little left for themselves. Their initial shared salary was $2,000 for both of them. They rebranded and repackaged the business, which attracted new clients. Despite the debt, they maintained the price of their basic funeral package to uphold Roland's value of helping the underprivileged afford dignified funerals. After 12 years of debt repayment, they anticipate completing it by the following year.

Work-Life Integration and Partnership

The couple emphasizes that for them, "work is life," and they don't feel the need to intentionally split work and home. They enjoy spending time together through their work. They admit to bringing work home but not the tension. While bosses don't have maternity leave, Darren provided Jenny with a confinement period and maternity leave. They discuss work matters even when Jenny is on leave.

Maintaining Romance and Couple Time

They used to have weekly couple dates and engaged in active pursuits like yoga and couple dancing before having children and starting the business. These activities stopped due to lack of time. Their dates now often involve business meetings, where they "nudge each other" and engage in subtle romantic gestures like "footsie." They acknowledge that running the business together can be considered romantic.

New Experiences and Future Aspirations

They recently tried a new experience, canyoning in Japan two years ago. They participated in a couples' activity involving synchronized movements, which they found fun and reminiscent of past enjoyable experiences. They aim to do more such activities before getting too old.

Children and Business Succession

When asked if they want their children to take over the business, they both responded "Yes." They involve their children in new experiences during their free time, such as flying a kite at the beach. Jenny's childhood dream was to fly a kite, a memory of her father's unsuccessful attempt. She would guide her children if they wished to take over the business but ultimately respects their choices. Darren hopes one of their children will continue the business, as they have built something unique and different from a "normal funeral business."

Lessons Learned and Legacy

The couple has learned to "treasure time a lot more" due to their profession, understanding that "time really is finite." They aim to pass this understanding of time's finitude to their children.