Khi “nam tính” TRỞ THÀNH MÀN TRÌNH DIỄN: Làm đàn ông kiểu gì cho đúng? | Kraven | Quan Điểm

Key Concepts

• Performative Masculinity (Nam tính trình diễn): The act of men performing specific behaviors, traits, or lifestyles (e.g., sophisticated, strong, stylish, progressive, intellectual) to gain attention, approval, or impress others. It's a conscious effort to project an idealized image rather than living authentically.
• Patriarchal Masculinity (Nam tính bá quyền): A concept defined by sociologist R.W. Connell, referring to gender practices that maintain male dominance, uphold the patriarchy, and are shaped by societal expectations of male perfection.
• Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: A psychological theory suggesting that humans have a hierarchy of needs, starting with basic survival and moving up to self-actualization. The video argues that in modern society, with basic needs met, the need for self-expression and recognition drives performative masculinity.
• Social Theater (Sân khấu xã hội): The idea, influenced by Erving Goffman, that social life is like a stage where individuals act out roles and wear masks to present themselves in a desired way.
• Gender Performativity (Tính trình diễn giới): Judith Butler's concept that gender is not an inherent quality but rather a series of repeated actions and behaviors that create the perception of gender.
• Vulnerability (Sự yếu mềm): The capacity to show emotions and be open about one's weaknesses, which is increasingly encouraged for connection.
• Emotional Intelligence (Trí tuệ cảm xúc): The ability to understand and manage one's own emotions, and to recognize and influence the emotions of others.
• Alpha Male: A popular archetype on social media representing a dominant, assertive, and successful man, often used to exemplify performative masculinity.
• Performative Reading: A specific form of performative masculinity where individuals display intellectualism by reading certain books to gain attention and project a progressive image.
• Offline vs. Online Performance: The video highlights how social media amplifies performative masculinity, turning likes, shares, and comments into validation.
• Emotional Education (Giáo dục cảm xúc): The importance of teaching individuals, particularly boys, to identify, express, and manage their emotions.
• "Shoulder-to-shoulder" Support (Vai kề vai): A therapeutic approach where men open up more easily when engaged in shared activities with others, rather than direct confrontation.

Performative Masculinity: A Deep Dive

Introduction and Definition

The recent surge in the term "performative masculinity" (nam tính trình diễn) on social media describes men who consciously adopt sophisticated, strong, stylish, progressive, or intellectual personas to attract or impress others. This behavior involves projecting a perfect lifestyle and a solid foundation of interests to seek external validation and attention. In cruder terms, it's "showing off" for attention, which can lead to a fleeting pleasure that hinders the development of natural happiness. While this phenomenon is gaining traction, particularly in discussions about men's psychological issues, there's a lack of in-depth analysis regarding its causes and solutions. This content aims to help individuals reflect on their authenticity and understand the societal pressures that shape modern masculinity. It explores why men are shifting from traditional strong roles to more nuanced ones, questioning whether it's due to societal changes or the demands of marketing and algorithms. The goal is to dissect the underlying theories to find a genuine, unforced, and personalized way of living.

The Shifting Landscape of Masculinity

Modern society is redefining concepts of gender, roles, and what it means to be a man. Paradoxically, while women are encouraged to express themselves more freely, men still bear the weight of a heavy, post-industrial stereotype. The ideal man is often portrayed as tough, unemotional, in control, and successful. This is compounded by recent progressive ideas like feminism, intellectualism, and personal style. Consequently, men can be simultaneously criticized for being too masculine and not masculine enough, leading to disorientation.

Performative masculinity emerged as a natural consequence of this dichotomy. It describes deliberate actions men take to prove their worth, gain societal acceptance, or avoid contempt. It's a social performance where men feel compelled to act out a prescribed role of "real manhood" instead of living authentically.

It's crucial to distinguish performative masculinity from patriarchal masculinity. Sociologist R.W. Connell defines patriarchal masculinity as gender practices that maintain male dominance, uphold the patriarchy, and can evolve over time. This type of masculinity aligns perfectly with the patriarchal ideal of a perfect man, both externally and internally. If patriarchal masculinity is the ideal system of male power and status, then performative masculinity is the individual action taken to achieve or maintain that power.

Historical and Theoretical Origins

Historical Evolution of Masculinity

• Pre-Industrial Era: Masculinity was largely synonymous with physical strength. Survival depended on brute force, the ability to fight, protect family, and defend territory. A man's role was valued by his capacity for survival, making the image of a tough, brave man a practical and direct necessity.
• Industrial Era: With the rise of machines and factories, the image of masculinity shifted. Men transitioned from physical laborers to economic providers. Success was measured by income, status, and position in the company, rather than physical prowess. Emotions were seen as hindrances, and men were expected to focus on work, provide for their families, and maintain dignity. This created immense pressure for economic achievement and the suppression of vulnerability, with income becoming a measure of a man's worth.

Maslow's Hierarchy and the Need for Performance

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, a simple diagram, outlines human motivations from basic survival to self-actualization. In the 21st century, most people easily satisfy the lower levels of this hierarchy. Food is readily available, and information and connection are virtually limitless. Once survival and safety needs are met, humans aspire to higher needs: self-expression, recognition, and validation.

This is where performative masculinity arises as an inevitable product of modern society. Without the need for harsh physical labor to prove manhood, men are now measured by likes, followers, exaggerated physiques on Instagram, YouTube videos showcasing muscles or life skills, or decisive, sometimes toxic, pronouncements on platforms like X (formerly Twitter). This explains the rapid rise of "Alpha Male" archetypes on social media. These individuals understand a "Maslow 2.0" logic, maximizing self-expression through their bodies, demeanor, speech, and even their attitudes towards women, all designed to garner views. Videos on life mastery, "real man" courses, and "winning mindset" podcasts proliferate. Personal emotions are discarded, material success becomes a moral imperative, and power is reduced to engagement metrics.

However, excessive performance ultimately backfires on the performer. When men constantly strive to prove their manhood, they experience internal conflict. They may desire vulnerability but fear being seen as failures. They might want to share but fear ridicule.

Society as a Stage

Society functions as a stage where individuals repeat the actions of others. A father, whether at home, work, or in front of his children, performs a role. He must be a strong pillar, hiding his sadness, constantly demonstrating strength to reassure his children. Yet, at a bar with friends, he might cry over his child leaving for college. This is a simplified illustration of Irvin Goffman's theory, which views social life as a theatrical performance where everyone acts and arranges their surroundings to be perceived in a specific way.

Judith Butler offers a more radical perspective: gender is not innate but a series of repeated daily actions. Masculinity exists because people continuously create it through their speech and reactions. If a man stops performing these normative behaviors, the societal concept of masculinity is shaken. Masculinity is not an essence but a behavior that can be switched on or off depending on external perception.

Performative Masculinity and Toxic Masculinity: A Complex Relationship

Contemporary society simultaneously demands that men be sensitive, share emotions, be good fathers, and participate in household chores. Yet, popular culture continues to glorify ruggedness and raw success. Social media showcases two parallel trends: influencers, particularly women, promoting vulnerability for connection, while brands celebrate emotional intelligence. This leaves men caught between conflicting scripts.

The movie Fight Club exemplifies this. The protagonist, invited to be a consumer with "taste," seeks meaning through IKEA purchases and participates in therapy groups to express vulnerability. He then creates Tyler Durden, his alter ego, embodying modern patriarchal masculinity: tough, emotionless, and unbound by social rules. Because society doesn't allow the protagonist to reconcile these roles, his psyche creates Tyler to enact the suppressed, brutal script.

Performative masculinity is a product of this chaotic blend, a hybrid of old culture and modern male ideals. It's an inevitable lifestyle born from historical and societal mechanisms, evolving from physical strength to economic provision to the modern digital stage, reinforced by reward and punishment systems.

Driving Forces and Systemic Pressures

Performative masculinity is not merely a personal issue; it's driven by a vast system encompassing family, school, friends, media, and the economy. Each societal layer unconsciously teaches men how to "be a man." Compliance is rewarded with acceptance, often at the cost of suppressed emotions.

• Education: Phrases like "men don't cry," "boys must be strong," and "be the provider" are repeated, while emotional education is neglected in schools. Boys are encouraged to compete and win but rarely taught to recognize sadness or disappointment. They may learn quantum mechanics but not how to say "I am hurt." This contributes to higher suicide rates among men, despite women experiencing more depression, as women tend to share their problems, while men often choose silence and action to prove they are fine, leading to hidden despair.
• Media: From James Bond to Batman, narratives often revolve around powerful, stoic, and controlled men. Children grow up internalizing these figures as male standards. Advertising turns masculinity into a purchasable commodity: sports cars, Swiss watches, liquor, gyms, all associated with images of dominance, strength, wealth, and muscularity. The implicit message is that owning these products makes one a "real man." This leads to men using expensive tech, gaming setups, minimalist furniture, and high-speed internet, yet still lacking a sense of purpose. This is another form of performative masculinity: performance through consumption, where wealth and possessions speak for strength instead of direct assertion.
• Physical and Health Performance: Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube are flooded with images of muscular bodies, tattoos, tank tops, and gym videos, where physique becomes a testament to manhood. This is a simple formula for male influencers. However, true masculinity stems from inner conviction and how one lives, not just lifting weights or drinking protein shakes.
• Culinary and Aesthetic Performance: Holding a matcha latte or a specific dish signals performative behavior. Food and drink have become ways to showcase personal artistry. The "clean living" trend, with its focus on matcha, healthy eating, and slow living, projects an image of sophistication and intellect.
• Intellectual Performance: Carrying books like The Belgian or any text labeled "intellectual" or related to feminism positions men as progressive and profound. The actual reading comprehension is often secondary to the message conveyed: "I care about important issues, I am different, and I understand life." This leads to performative reading, where reading is used to gain attention.

In the digital age, social media is the ultimate stage for performance. Having "taste" and being "progressive" are not just roles but algorithmically favored products.

Performative Masculinity in the Digital Age

On social media, likes and hearts are applause, and comments and shares are audience cheers. Performative masculinity thrives here because it aligns with the social media logic of needing to "perform to exist." A more sophisticated form is performative allyship, where men express support for gender equality movements (e.g., sharing #respectwomen) but maintain prejudices or belittle others in real life. Support becomes an image strategy, not a commitment, aimed at receiving praise and being seen as different.

Social media rewards performative behavior: controversial videos go viral, and aggressive statements are quoted. Extreme views on gender, misogyny, or defiance receive massive engagement, as seen in incidents of domestic violence or abusive bosses.

Profound Psychological and Social Consequences

Individual Psychological Consequences

When every action, emotion, and word is filtered through the "real man" lens, men become perpetually tired, constantly controlling, and feigning strength, leading to a loss of natural feelings. The gap between the true self and the performed role widens. They desire vulnerability but fear being seen as failures. The pressure to perform is directly linked to depression, anxiety, and body image disorders. Many exercise not for health but for validation, and work not for satisfaction but for respect.

Social Consequences and Gender Equality

In the US, women dominate academic achievement, with women comprising two-thirds of the top 10% of GPA earners, while men make up two-thirds of the bottom 10%. Male students are falling behind, particularly in math and English. The wages of most men without a college degree have stagnated since 1979. Criminology research indicates that much violence stems from the need to assert status or react to perceived insults. For many men, losing control equates to losing masculinity, leading them to resort to aggression. Given men's inherent physical and vocal advantages over women, the outcomes are predictable.

The prevalence of men on online betting sites is also notable. The online environment activates risk-taking psychology in young men, promoting "get rich quick" schemes and vices like online gambling. This diverts them from traditional career paths, pushing them to seek rapid status through virtual success on social media. The societal focus on women's futures has led to the neglect of men's support needs, resulting in their lagging behind. Both genders require support and recognition of their potential.

Feeling lost and role-less in modern society, many young men resort to performing a false identity for recognition. When men are taught that their value lies in concealment, control, and dominance, they lose the most crucial element for connecting with others: sincerity.

Is there a way out of this performance trap? When the lines between strength and sophistication are both acts, what future awaits masculinity?

The Future of Masculinity and Transformative Solutions

The concept of performative masculinity is like makeup; many understand it but maintain it for fear of revealing what lies beneath. This leads to the ironic outcome that the more they perform, the more exhausted they appear.

Masculinity is being redefined, and fortunately, we have scientific research, social studies, and practical experiences to support this. Instead of power and control, true masculinity now emphasizes self-awareness, connection with others, and personal responsibility.

Emotional and Gender Education as a Crucial Step

Research shows that when children, especially boys, learn to name emotions, recognize others' feelings, and understand that strength doesn't come from oppression, they develop better connection and self-awareness. The adage "boys don't cry" is no longer effective. Instead, teaching that vulnerability is a form of strength helps them live more fully. A classroom, a talking circle, or an emotional sharing session can become safe spaces for men to practice connection without fear of judgment.

Richard Rips, an author and social scientist, offers a replacement-oriented approach rather than a critical one. He advocates for authentic role models, stating that the best way to combat the online world is through the offline world. Men, especially boys, believe what they see more than what they hear. A father washing dishes, a teacher speaking calmly, a friendly neighbor, an honest coach – these role models are more impactful than a thousand "Alpha Male" videos on TikTok. Influencers fill the void left by everyday life. The simple solution is to increase the number of real men in a boy's life: men who are not toxic, not performative, and not trying to prove themselves. They are present, they work, they live. Their mere presence is a remedy. A loving husband, a kind teacher, a father who apologizes to his child – these living examples can dilute the pervasive script of performative masculinity.

Reconstructing Psychological Support

If performative masculinity stems from a fear of being seen, then psychological support provides a safe space for that visibility. Rips suggests increasing men's roles in caring professions like therapy, social work, and education. Many men find it easier to open up to other men, a form of silent empathy.

The "shoulder-to-shoulder" technique is Rips' most valuable discovery. Men open up better when walking together, fishing together, or driving together. When two people look in the same direction, there's no pressure for direct eye contact, no need to control expressions, and no need to perform toughness. A sigh can be enough to initiate a genuine conversation. The beauty lies in the lack of coercion; two people walking side-by-side for a few kilometers can powerfully break down the armor of performance they wear in daily life.

An Open-Minded Approach

Media plays a vital role in reshaping the image of masculinity. When images of nurturing fathers, listening men, or empathetic partners are celebrated, they become counter-models to toxic Alpha Male archetypes. Rips advises: "When boys watch harmful content, take a deep breath, don't judge. Ask, 'What do you find appealing in this video? Where does this person make you feel strong?'" When parents become allies, children can resist harmful scripts naturally, learning to analyze rather than blindly accept, understanding their attractions and how to escape them.

When men are no longer bound by the need to be strong, successful, and in control, they live authentically, connect genuinely, and find true happiness.

Conclusion

Throughout history and society, masculinity has been confined to a framework of performance. From traditional norms of strength, power, and control to modern social media archetypes like Alpha Males or successful men, male images have always been forced into roles. Men are expected to prove themselves, to win, and never to be weak. The cost of this performance is the loss of humanity, as emotions are suppressed, relationships are driven by competition, and societal pressure turns into internal shame. Men not only suffer but also unconsciously pass this burden to future generations.

In the digital age, performance has become even more intense, driven by algorithms, images, and virtual validation. Every live stream becomes a measure of worth, every video a try-out for a global play. Yet, precisely in this excess, the need to redefine masculinity has become more urgent than ever.

The future of masculinity must be built on diversity, flexibility, and health. It should embrace men who are empathetic, can set boundaries, engage in dialogue, and heal. Masculinity is not an armor to protect the ego but a space for individuals to understand themselves. This cannot happen in isolation. Redefining gender norms requires open dialogue and collaboration between genders. When men, women, and diverse gender groups participate in discussions, share experiences, and create new language for gender, we can move towards a more equitable and humane society.

Escaping performative masculinity is not about abandoning identity but a journey of return – a return to truth, to emotions, to the capacity to love and be loved. Perhaps that is the profound meaning of being human.