I Teach Dads In Prison How To Be Better Fathers To Their Children

Key Concepts

Bapa Hibat SG: An organization dedicated to empowering fathers, particularly incarcerated ones, to be positive forces in their children's lives.
Awesome Dad: The core philosophy of Bapa Hibat SG, believing all dads have the potential to be great, regardless of perfection.
Fathering Communications: A central theme of the program, focusing on improving communication skills between fathers and their children.
Communication Framework: A structured approach to understanding and practicing effective communication.
Listening Skills: A key component of the program, emphasizing active and empathetic listening.
Written Communication (e-letters): A method used by incarcerated fathers to connect with their children.
Triangle Work (Self, Family, Community): A framework for personal development and relationship building.
Volunteer Community and Networking: The importance of volunteers and building a supportive network for fathers.
Bapa Cow Podcast: A podcast series by Bapa Hibat SG featuring discussions on fatherhood.
Dating Your Children: The concept of one-on-one time with children to make them feel special.

Program for Incarcerated Dads

Bapa Hibat SG runs a program for incarcerated fathers with the primary goals of raising their awareness, increasing their skills, and improving their relationships with their children. The program utilizes a structured approach, beginning with self-assessment questions for the fathers:

Self-Assessment: Fathers are asked to rate their current standing on a scale of 1 to 10, identify their best hopes, list their current positive points, and outline their next plans.
Examples of Father's Responses:
- Current Positive Points: Attending the "Papa Best" course to learn more about their kids and work with them better.
- Next Plan: Working on addiction by joining support groups and securing a good career to get their kids back, providing a safe shelter, and giving up bad habits.
- Motivation: Children are described as the "pill of strength."

The Meaning of "Bapa" and "Awesome Dad"

The name "Bapa" is explained as meaning "Awesome Dad." This philosophy stems from the belief that all dads are inherently awesome and love their children, whether they express it physically, verbally, or in their hearts. The organization emphasizes that being a dad doesn't require perfection. Bapa Hibat SG was founded about three years ago, but the co-founders have been involved in this work for over eight years.

Impact of Father Involvement on Children

Research indicates that when fathers are involved in their children's lives, several positive outcomes are observed:

Improved Empathy: Children develop greater empathy.
Increased Confidence and Self-Efficacy: Children's confidence and belief in their own abilities grow.
Enhanced Cognitive Competence: Children's ability to study and learn improves.

The program aims to ensure that as many children as possible have an involved father.

Addressing the Gap in Fathering Support

The founders recognized a gap in empowering and helping fathers, especially those in prison, to become the fathers their children deserve. This led to the development of programs specifically targeting this demographic.

Fathering Communications Program Structure

The program focuses on fathering communications and typically includes:

Discussion of Poor Communication: Exploring past negative communication experiences.
Communication Framework: Introducing a structured approach to communication.
Listening Skills: Developing active and empathetic listening abilities.
Real-Life Scenarios: Using hypothetical situations, such as a 16-year-old son returning home drunk at midnight, to practice communication strategies.

Communication Styles and Relationship Building

The program highlights the ineffectiveness of authoritarian parenting styles in building strong father-child relationships. The emphasis is on building trust and a strong relationship as the foundation for guiding children.

The "Triangle Work" Framework

The program's design is based on a "triangle work" framework:

Self: Working on personal development and self-awareness.
Family: Focusing on improving family relationships.
Community: Engaging with and contributing to the wider community.

Challenges Faced by Incarcerated Fathers

Incarcerated fathers face significant challenges in maintaining meaningful connections with their children, including:

Helping with Homework: Inability to assist with academic tasks.
Attending Events: Missing important school or family events.
Being Present: The fundamental absence from their children's daily lives.
Discipline and Guidance: Difficulty in effectively guiding or disciplining a child from behind prison walls, even with letters or visits.
Trust: The biggest challenge is regaining the trust of their wives and children.
Maintaining Bonds: The ongoing effort to maintain a strong bond with their daughters.

Types of Communication

The program outlines three types of communication:

Written Communication: This includes e-letters, which are a vital tool for incarcerated fathers.
- Example: A father addresses an e-letter to his daughter, asking his wife to read the message to her, effectively conveying his thoughts and feelings.
- Impact: Fathers have written emotional letters expressing their desire for change.

Transformation and Growth of Participants

Over time, participants in the program often move from hesitation and reservation to deep reflection on their roles as fathers and the impact of their actions. Many grow in confidence and begin to reframe their self-identity, seeing themselves not just as offenders but as fathers with responsibilities.

Volunteer Community and Networking

Bapa Hibat SG relies on volunteers and aims to expand its volunteer base to serve as facilitators and trainers.

Fathering 101: A mandatory training for all volunteers.
Challenges: The program has historically been run by a small core team, highlighting the need for more volunteers.
Quarterly Tataric Sessions: A series of sessions providing a safe space for fathers to discuss various topics.

Volunteer Testimonials and Experiences

Sal (Volunteer): Joined Bapa Hibat SG in 2023 after his last incarceration. He learned techniques to become a better father, especially with his autistic daughter, and found the organization to be like family.
Inmate's Experience: One inmate described his five-year incarceration as "hell" and expressed gratitude that his daughter still recognized him upon release. He is committed to not repeating his past mistakes.
Partner Support: The importance of a supportive partner is highlighted, with one individual crediting his partner for preventing relapse and for becoming a mother figure to his daughter.
Children's Perspective: The sadness of a child growing up without a mother is acknowledged, with efforts made to reassure the child about a new loving mother figure.

The Role of a Father

The importance of a father's role is defined as being present and supportive of a child "all the way," not just in a superficial manner. Participants aim to be "better fathers than before" by staying free and strong for their daughters.

Public Perception and Labeling

There's a hope that the public will be more aware that fathers in prison are concerned about their children. The desire is to label them less and help them more, particularly in preparing them to be better fathers upon release.

Bapa Cow Podcast

Bapa Hibat SG produces a podcast called "Bapa Cow," where "Cow" signifies "strong." The podcast series explores various aspects of fatherhood.

2025 Series Theme: "Ayahu my dad."
Podcast Guests: Features father-son duos, such as Hamza and Hamizen.
Volunteer Motivation: Volunteers like Hamza join because they believe they could have done better with their own children and want to learn to be better fathers through their children's eyes.
Motivation for Change: A pivotal moment for one father was seeing his daughter's glance during a prison visit, which motivated him to change.
Sharing Experiences: Volunteers share their experiences to help other fathers who may be afraid or shy to ask for help.
One-Word Descriptions: Fathers are asked to identify one word their child would use to describe them, and vice versa. This exercise highlights the importance of how children perceive their fathers.
- Example: A father hopes his children would describe him as "presence," acknowledging his past absence due to illegal activities.

Program Reach and Support

Program Graduates: Approximately 182 fathers have completed the program in the last three and a half years.
Post-Release Support: The crucial first two to three years after release require significant support, which Bapa Hibat SG aims to provide.
Volunteer and Fathering Community Network: A grouping of volunteers and other fathers to foster a supportive environment.

Father-Son Panel Discussion

A panel discussion with Hamza bin Muhammad and another guest addresses coping with the "K-pop situation" in Singapore, highlighting the importance of widening social networks for fathers.

Personal Journeys and "Aha Moments"

Shift in Priorities: One individual shared how he made a lot of money but "threw everything" to pursue a "straight path," emphasizing a shift in priorities.
Challenges Upon Release: While families wish for fathers to return and journey with them, the challenges of employment and rebuilding trust multiply once they are in the same space.
Generational Differences in Fathering: A comparison is made between older fathers who may not have shown affection as openly and the desire of the current generation to acquire the skills and knowledge to be better fathers.
Daughter's Support: A daughter expresses her support for her father's volunteer work, understanding the sacrifice of his personal time.
Community Service: An interest in Star Wars and participation in the "501st Singapore Garrison" is mentioned as a way to bring joy and happiness to the community.

Creating Good Memories and One-on-One Time

Focus on Daughter: One father, with only one child, emphasizes spending a lot of time with her to create good memories.
"Dating Your Children": The concept of one-on-one time with each child is encouraged to make them feel special.

Humility and Shared Learning

Bapa Hibat SG openly states they are not experts but fathers who are also learning. They aim to make the fathering journey less lonely by encouraging fathers to connect and share challenges.

Encouraging Male Participation in Family Programs

A significant observation is that 90% of attendees at family programs are women, with a small percentage of men attending either due to spousal persuasion or a genuine desire to improve their fathering. The organization seeks to increase male participation by providing platforms with "no excuse" for fathers to attend and improve themselves.

The Power of Listening

The core advice given is to "just listen" when children come to their fathers. Often, children simply want to be heard and understood, rather than immediately receiving advice.

I Teach Dads In Prison How To Be Better Fathers To Their Children | Extraordinary People