I Had A “PhD In Failure”: Why I Decided To Show “My Might Over My Plight” | Dear Singapore

Key Concepts

• Curiosity, Empathy, Not Judgment: The foundational principles for engaging with others, especially those with disabilities.
• PhD in Failure: A self-deprecating term used to describe a life marked by numerous setbacks.
• Shakot-Marie-Tooth (CMT) Disease: A progressive neurological disease affecting nerves and muscles, with no known cure or treatment.
• Enabling Village: A Singaporean initiative that provides training and employment opportunities for persons with disabilities (PWDs).
• Inclusive Playground and Gym: Facilities designed to be accessible and usable by individuals of all abilities.
• Reframing: Shifting the focus from a person's disability to their abilities and personality.
• Resilience: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
• Plight vs. Might: The choice between showcasing one's struggles or demonstrating one's strength and capabilities.

Personal Journey of Resilience and Advocacy

The speaker, Sheldon, shares a deeply personal narrative of overcoming profound adversity, emphasizing the importance of curiosity, empathy, and non-judgment when engaging with others. He candidly admits to a life filled with "failure after failure," humorously referring to it as a "PhD in failure." His journey includes significant personal setbacks such as being twice divorced, twice bankrupt, jobless, and homeless. A pivotal period of hardship involved sleeping at Changi Beach from 2006 to 2007 following a difficult divorce, which left him without a proper coping mechanism or support system. During this time, he found solace in connecting with others who shared similar life stories, experiencing a rare sense of not being judged.

Mental Health and Diagnosis

A significant failure for Sheldon was his inability to recognize his own mental health issues, which led to a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure in his endeavors. The situation worsened in 2016 when he began losing his ability to hold objects and walk. After four years of extensive testing and misdiagnoses, he received a confirmed diagnosis on April 1, 2020, of Shakot-Marie-Tooth (CMT) disease. This is a neurological disease similar to muscular dystrophy, characterized by its hereditary nature, lack of treatment, cure, or medication. The hereditary aspect was particularly devastating, as it meant his daughter, nieces, and brother could also carry the gene.

A Turning Point and a Choice

The diagnosis led Sheldon to a suicidal moment, contemplating jumping out of a window. However, a timely call from a childhood friend served as a "big wakeup call." This friend presented him with a crucial choice: "You can show the world your plight or you can show the world your might." This perspective shift was transformative, fundamentally changing his outlook and approach to life.

Advocacy and the Enabling Village

Sheldon is now involved with Singapore's first and only vocal agency dedicated to persons with disabilities (PWDs), working as a docent at the Enabling Village. This role came about by chance when his future boss believed that PWDs trained as docents could effectively share their stories. He highlights the importance of reframing how people perceive individuals with disabilities. For instance, an initial description of him might focus on his wheelchair ("mindful that he's in a wheelchair"), but a deeper acquaintance would reveal his personality and role ("he's outdoorsen, quite a funny fella").

Inclusive Spaces and Initiatives

The Enabling Village is actively creating inclusive environments. This includes:

• Inclusive Playgrounds: Designed for children of all abilities to play together.
• Inclusive Gym: A facility that caters to individuals with diverse physical needs.
• Expansion of the Village: Collaborating with partners with various specialties to broaden its offerings.

Sheldon finds his work fulfilling as it allows him to raise awareness about the village and share his story and that of his colleagues, which are often filled with resilience. He contrasts his past jobless state with his current multiple roles, including being an advisor and collaborator for a mental health company, where he co-conducts classes and contributes to making mental health services accessible for PWDs.

Communication and Connection

Sheldon emphasizes practical communication tips: maintaining eye contact and using affirmations. He also finds humor to be a valuable tool for breaking down barriers, encouraging people to laugh.

The Podcast and Legacy

The idea for a podcast stemmed from a friend who suggested he channel his extensive talking into a productive use. Sheldon's dream is to show his daughter that despite his failures, he is still striving to achieve something meaningful that she can be proud of. He wants to be remembered not just for his physical challenges (being an amputee or having a rare disease) but for giving back and fighting the good fight with zest for life.

A Message of Hope and Perseverance

The concluding message is a powerful testament to perseverance. Sheldon expresses gratitude for unwavering support, even when he caused hurt or disappointment. He emphasizes that as long as he kept trying, he felt a sense of belonging, and that the "tough love" he received forged resilience. He promises to "do good" and "show his might over his plight," urging others to keep moving forward and, most importantly, "don't give up."