How to survive the change that you don’t choose. | Andy McAleese | TEDxSt Albans

Key Concepts

• Redundancy: Loss of employment due to the employer no longer needing the job role.
• Open Heart Surgery: A major surgical procedure involving the heart, often life-saving.
• Depression and Anxiety: Mental health conditions characterized by persistent sadness, loss of interest, and excessive worry.
• Journaling: The practice of writing down thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
• Morning Pages: A specific journaling technique popularized by Julia Cameron, involving writing three pages by hand first thing in the morning.
• Gratitude Lists/Prompts: Journaling exercises focused on positive experiences or specific questions.
• Reframing: Changing the way one thinks about a situation to alter its emotional impact.
• Tangible Feelings: Making abstract emotions concrete and understandable through writing.
• Actuary: A professional who analyzes the financial costs of risk and uncertainty.
• Coaching: A process of guiding individuals to achieve their personal or professional goals.
• Mental Health and Well-being at Work: Promoting psychological health and positive environments in the workplace.
• TEDx Talk: A presentation given at a TEDx event, a local version of the TED conference.

Personal Crisis and the Power of Writing

The speaker recounts a period of intense personal crisis beginning on March 2nd, 2024. Six weeks prior, they experienced redundancy from a senior leadership role held for over 18 years. The morning of March 2nd brought the news of impending, life-saving open heart surgery, which the speaker found "horrifying" after researching the procedure. This confluence of events led to feelings of fear and being overwhelmed, as their identity, health, and future were suddenly cast into doubt. This situation brought back memories of struggling with depression and anxiety six years prior, where they felt hopeless and unsure how to seek or provide help.

The Emergence of a Daily Routine: Morning Pages

In contrast to the past, this time the speaker had a "small daily routine" to rely on: writing. The following morning, they sat at the dining room table with coffee and began to write. Initially, the writing focused on external observations, like pigeons and cats. However, it quickly evolved to address the speaker's deep-seated fears, including the possibility of not waking up from surgery, waking up during it, or having a heart attack beforehand. The speaker also expressed anxiety about their joblessness and the potential impact on their wife and sons.

While initially the act of writing out these fears might have seemed to exacerbate them, the speaker observed a shift in tone. They began to focus on positivity, recovery, and taking things "one step at a time." The act of writing these worries down helped to "slow them down, to acknowledge them, and to face up to them," preventing them from spiraling into increased anxiety.

Evolution of Journaling Practice

The speaker had been journaling for a few years but found initial attempts at structured exercises like gratitude lists or prompts ("What's the best thing that happened to you today?") to be "a chore rather than something helpful" due to overthinking. The turning point came with the introduction to "morning pages," a concept popularized by Julia Cameron in "The Artist's Way." Morning pages are defined as "handwriting whatever's on your mind for three pages first thing in the morning." This approach resonated because it allowed for free expression without the pressure of writing something "right," interesting, or valuable, as the writing was solely for oneself.

Recovery and Reframing Through Writing

The open heart surgery was successful, and after a week in the hospital, the speaker returned home. The initial recovery was challenging, with limited mobility, a stark contrast to previous activities like long-distance walks and hill climbing. However, through daily writing, the speaker learned the importance of not comparing their current state to their past capabilities. The focus shifted to "what I can do today and what I might be able to do tomorrow." This "reframe" enabled the speaker to "notice the small wins," such as walking for five minutes with assistance and gradually progressing to their first solo walk outside, which felt "amazing." These were celebrated as victories during recovery.

Managing Difficult Emotions and Future Planning

The speaker found that writing helped manage the "ups and downs" of recovery. Describing difficult feelings in the journal made them "tangible," allowing the speaker to identify specific issues like increased pain or worries about unemployment. This process provided "something to work with," preventing further mood decline and signaling when professional help was needed. This was a significant improvement from their previous experiences with mental health challenges.

As the speaker regained physical health, they began to address the ongoing issue of unemployment. Their journal became a "safe place to play with ideas and possibilities," exploring questions about returning to their previous profession as an actuary, the potential for change after a long tenure, and what that change might entail. The speaker realized they had not been truly happy in their previous role, feeling "stuck" and lacking purpose, but had not acknowledged it.

Discovering New Paths and a "No Regrets Chance"

Through consistent writing, patterns emerged, highlighting a desire to maintain a connection to their actuarial profession while exploring an interest in coaching and making a positive impact on mental health and well-being at work. Instead of self-pity, the speaker began to feel "excited again," viewing the situation as a "no regrets chance to try something different." Eventually, an opportunity arose that aligned with their journaled aspirations, prompting them to "take that leap of faith and experiment with something new."

Conclusion: Rewriting Personal Narratives

Reflecting on the past year, the speaker notes a profound shift in perspective. The events that once seemed like the worst possible outcomes – redundancy and major surgery – were navigated through daily writing. While the speaker couldn't control the external events, they could "control my response," leading to a sense of gratitude. The redundancy allowed for focused recovery without work-related stress, and the surgery provided a necessary pause for reflection on life's priorities. These challenges unexpectedly led to the opportunity to share their story on the TEDx stage.

The speaker emphasizes that journaling is not a "magic wand" and acknowledges the crucial support of family, friends, and professionals. However, the "small daily routine of coffee and writing" provided vital continuity and a safe space for self-reflection during a period of immense change and uncertainty. The speaker concludes by asserting that while their story is personal, the underlying principles are universal. Life presents unavoidable challenges, and the "story we tell ourselves about those things" can either keep us "stuck" or "empower us." The good news is that individuals have the agency to choose their response and "rewrite that story," whether through writing, walking, talking to a friend, or another chosen method. The final question posed is: "What story are you telling yourself? And what small action could you turn to to rewrite it?"