How To Speak More Clearly Without Nerves

Key Concepts

• Breath as the First Word: Using a breath before responding to regulate emotions and signal thoughtfulness.
• Walking vs. Running in Conversation: Deliberately slowing down speech to convey control and intentionality.
• Defensive Driving Verbally: Controlling the pace and direction of a conversation.
• Socratic Method: Using questions to guide someone to their own understanding.
• Tone and Volume: The impact of delivery on perceived confidence, respect, and seriousness.

Taking Time and Space in Conversation

The speaker addresses the common question of how to become a better communicator. He emphasizes that many people, especially verbal processors, tend to immediately respond to questions without pausing to think. To combat this, he suggests making breath the first word in a response.

• Regulating Emotions: Taking a breath helps regulate the body and increase awareness and control of emotions.
• Signaling Thoughtfulness: It signals to the other person that the response has been considered.
• Example: Contrasting "It was good" (said quickly) with a paused, "You know, Chris, it was good. Ups and downs, but it was good." The latter conveys more thoughtfulness and invites further engagement.

The Power of Slowing Down

Slowing down the pace of speech is presented as a key strategy for effective communication, particularly in high-pressure situations like interviews.

• Interview Scenario: Answering questions slowly demonstrates the ability to regulate oneself under stress.
• Exuding Control: It conveys that the speaker is not easily rushed or flustered.
• Perception of Intentionality: Slowing down makes the speaker sound more thoughtful and intentional.
• Walking vs. Running: The speaker uses the analogy of "walking" in a conversation rather than "running" to illustrate this point.

Early Application and Training

The speaker shares his experience teaching this technique to clients early in his career as a first-year associate at a law firm.

• Trial by Fire: The law firm environment required associates to handle clients and trials independently.
• Deposition Training: He trained clients to pause before answering questions during depositions to manage nervousness.
• "One Mississippi" Technique: He instructed clients to count "one Mississippi" in their head before responding.
• Role-Playing: He would role-play as the opposing attorney, using pressure tactics to simulate a stressful deposition environment.
• Controlling the Time Frame: The goal was to empower clients to control the pace of the interaction rather than feeling rushed by the opposing counsel.
• Defensive Driving Analogy: He likens this technique to "defensive driving verbally," emphasizing control and awareness.

The Influence of Family

The speaker discusses the influence of his father, a fifth-generation trial attorney, on his communication style.

• Calm Demeanor: His father consistently exhibited a calm and composed demeanor, even in the face of problems.
• "Yep, That's a Problem": The speaker provides an example of his father's understated reaction to problems.
• Genetic Mirroring: He attributes his own calm communication style to genetics and mirroring his father's behavior.
• "Walk Don't Run" Mentality: His father exemplified the "walk don't run" mentality in his approach to problems.

The Impact of Tone and Volume

The speaker emphasizes the importance of tone and volume in communication, arguing that they can be even more impactful than the words themselves.

• Experiential Demonstration: The interviewer notes feeling a shift in energy when the speaker adopted a more aggressive tone during the mock trial scenario.
• Confidence and Respect: Slowing down words and lowering volume can make a person sound more confident, respected, and serious.
• Aggressive vs. Grounded: Contrasting "Look, Chris, I already told you I'm not going to do that!" (loud and aggressive) with "Chris, I already told you I'm not going to do that." (calm and low)
• Perception of Power: The calmer, less emotional delivery conveys a sense of groundedness and strength, making the speaker seem less approachable to "mess with."

Conclusion

The key to effective communication lies in slowing down, being intentional with responses, and controlling tone and volume. By incorporating techniques like breathing before speaking and adopting a calm demeanor, individuals can project confidence, thoughtfulness, and control in their interactions. The speaker's personal experiences and training methods provide actionable insights for improving communication skills in various settings.