How to loosen your grip when everything feels uncertain | Nicole Paquet | TEDxUNB

Key Concepts

• Altitude & Thin Air: Used as a metaphor for challenging situations, both physically and professionally, where resources (oxygen/psychological safety) are limited.
• Psychological Safety: The ability to speak up without fear of negative consequences.
• Loosening Your Grip: Releasing the need for control and accepting reality.
• Speaking Your Truth: Honestly communicating your feelings and needs.
• Inviting Support: Seeking help and connection from others.
• Resilience: The ability to recover from difficult experiences.

The Mountain & The Workplace: Navigating Thin Air

This narrative recounts a personal journey to Everest Base Camp and draws parallels to a subsequent challenging experience in a new professional role, ultimately highlighting the importance of psychological safety and self-awareness in overcoming adversity.

The Physical Challenge: Everest Base Camp

The speaker’s husband desired a trek to Everest Base Camp for his 50th birthday, and she agreed to accompany him despite recognizing the significant physical and mental demands. She approached the trek with her professional background in project management, meticulously planning training, packing, and logistics. This initial approach focused on control as a means of ensuring safety.

The trek began with a precarious flight into the Himalayas, immediately exposing the speaker to the reality of high altitude – an environment where the air contains significantly less oxygen. She describes the initial altitude as equivalent to stacking the CN Tower five times, emphasizing the immediate physical impact. The first few days were positive, filled with stunning scenery and a sense of vitality. However, as the altitude increased, the landscape became barren and her courage diminished.

The nine-day trek involved continuous ascent, exacerbating the effects of thin air. The speaker experienced debilitating headaches, while her husband seemingly adapted without issue. This disparity led to feelings of embarrassment and self-doubt, as she questioned her ability to continue. Initially, she attempted to “push harder,” but realized this approach was unsustainable.

Three Shifts on the Mountain

The speaker identifies three crucial shifts that enabled her to continue the trek:

1. Loosening Your Grip on Control: Recognizing and accepting the limitations imposed by the environment and her own body, rather than fighting against them. This wasn’t about quitting, but about accepting reality.
2. Speaking Your Truth: Confiding in her husband about her struggles and feelings of inadequacy. His supportive response – “I’m with you. I’ve got you. And if we turn around, we turn around” – was pivotal.
3. Inviting Support: Seeking guidance from their trekking guide, who provided practical advice (drinking hot water, breathing techniques) to mitigate the effects of altitude sickness.

Reaching Everest Base Camp wasn’t a moment of triumph, but one of quiet humility and internal shift. The experience taught her these three lessons.

The Professional Parallel: A Lack of Psychological Safety

Months after returning home, the speaker began a new job where she encountered a different kind of “thin air” – a work environment lacking psychological safety. Despite a welcoming initial reception, she soon learned that previous leaders had left due to feeling controlled and unheard. The team was apprehensive about repeating past patterns.

Initially, she dismissed her discomfort as typical new-job anxiety, attempting to “grip tighter” and persevere. However, the situation escalated when her leader explicitly stated, “Frankly, Nicole, I don't trust you.” This statement triggered a physical and emotional response – a feeling of suffocation and self-doubt.

Applying the lessons from the mountain, she attempted to loosen her grip, speak her truth (identifying the lack of psychological safety to a senior leader), and invite support. However, her concerns were dismissed (“Psychological safety? What even is that?”), leading her to the difficult decision to leave the role.

Rebuilding & The Importance of Support

Leaving the job initially damaged her confidence. She found that the support she needed wasn’t available within the organization. However, she eventually found support from family and friends, which enabled her to rebuild her confidence, write a book, and relaunch her business.

Thriving in Thin Air: A Framework for Resilience

The speaker concludes by emphasizing that “life will always bring thin air.” The key to navigating these challenges lies in having sufficient safety and support. She cites research from Mental Health Research Canada, stating that 23% of employees do not feel psychologically safe at work – almost one in four people.

She proposes three questions to guide individuals through challenging situations:

1. Where am I gripping for control?
2. What’s the truth I need to say out loud?
3. Who can I let in even a little so I can breathe again?

The speaker asserts that relinquishing the need for control allows individuals to handle more than they believe possible, encouraging them to “take that next step even in thin air.”

Technical Terms & Concepts

• Altitude Sickness: A group of symptoms caused by exposure to low oxygen levels at high altitudes.
• Psychological Safety: A belief that one will not be punished or humiliated for speaking up with ideas, questions, concerns, or mistakes. (Amy Edmondson's definition is implied)
• Resilience: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

Logical Connections

The narrative establishes a clear analogy between the physical challenges of the Everest Base Camp trek and the emotional challenges of a toxic work environment. The speaker’s personal experience on the mountain serves as a catalyst for self-discovery and the development of a framework for navigating adversity. The lessons learned on the mountain are directly applied to the workplace situation, demonstrating the universality of these principles. The concluding call to action reinforces the importance of psychological safety and self-awareness in fostering resilience.