How I learned to speak up｜DJ | Dong Jiang | TEDxCSTU

Key Concepts

Shyness, introversion, fear of public speaking, culture shock, regret, mentorship, cognitive reframing, perspective, personal growth, future-oriented self, impact on others.

Personal Story: From Fear to Freedom

Dong Jang (DJ), also known as "Uncle Flower," shares his journey from being a shy, introverted, insecure individual terrified of public speaking to becoming a confident speaker. He emphasizes the message: "If I can do it, you can do it."

• Early Life: DJ moved from China to the US at age 12, speaking only five English phrases: "Hi, how are you? Fine, thank you. And my name is DJ and sorry, no English." He experienced culture shock and loneliness, even skipping his high school graduation ceremony.
• College Experience: DJ met a woman he was attracted to, but her forwardness and physical strength intimidated him, leading him to run away from a potential relationship. He regrets this missed opportunity.
• Turning Point: After feeling lost and regretful, DJ decided to take action and find a job. He attended a local job fair.

The Role of Mentorship

• Meeting Mr. H Koka: At the job fair, DJ met Mr. H Koka, a Japanese-American psychiatrist, who became his mentor.
• Initial Advice: Mr. Koka provided immediate feedback on DJ's resume, emphasizing the importance of clear contact information and grammar. He also stressed the power of positive and assertive language, correcting DJ's "Yeah, yeah" to "Yes, sir."
• Internship and Transformation: Mr. Koka invited DJ to attend free workshops at his agency, which focused on psychology, mindset, and life skills. DJ became an intern, and this experience significantly changed his life.

Cognitive Reframing: Changing Your Perspective

• Concept Explanation: DJ highlights cognitive reframing as a crucial tool for personal growth. It involves changing how you perceive and interpret situations to see them in a more positive and constructive light.
• Key Insight: DJ realized he wasn't "broken" but simply needed a new perspective. He quotes Victor Frankl: "When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."
• Three Reframing Examples:
  1. "I'm stupid" to "I don't know how to solve it yet": Adding "yet" acknowledges the current lack of knowledge while implying the potential for future learning.
  2. "I'm afraid of public speaking" to "Every speech is a chance to grow, not be perfect": This shifts the focus from achieving perfection to embracing growth and learning through experience. He emphasizes that doing something is better than doing nothing, and doing something late is better than never doing it at all.
  3. "Compare yourself to others" to "Focus on who I want to become": DJ argues that life is a personal journey, and comparing oneself to others is unproductive. Instead, focus on personal growth and becoming a better professional.

Future-Oriented Self

• Shifting Focus: Instead of defining oneself by past experiences, DJ suggests focusing on the future.
• Actionable Steps: Envision the skills you want to acquire and the person you want to become in 3-5 years, then actively learn and work towards that vision.

Reframing Regret

• The Lost Love: DJ reframes his regret about the woman he ran away from by viewing it as his own version of "Julie and Julia," a personal lesson that has shaped him.
• Key Lesson: He learned that a woman who truly loves you cares about who you are, not your money or status.

Impact and Legacy

• Mr. Koka's Retirement: Mr. Koka's agency closed due to his retirement, but his mentorship and guidance continue to impact DJ and many others.
• What Matters in Life: DJ believes that two things truly matter at the end of life: the experiences we have and the memories we leave for others.
• The Power of Kindness: He emphasizes that people may not remember your exact words, but they will remember how you made them feel. A small act of kindness or a shared perspective can transform someone's life.
• Call to Action: DJ encourages viewers to leave positive comments or "thumbs up" on content they enjoy, as small acts of encouragement can make a big difference.

Conclusion

DJ concludes by reminding the audience that they are not alone and that growth is always possible. He shares a Chinese proverb: "The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is right now." He reiterates his message: "If I can do it, you can do it as well." He thanks the audience, CS2, and the organizers for their support and participation.