How good leaders move from crisis to compassion | Mark Crosweller | TEDxCanberra

Key Concepts

Adversity, suffering, compassion, invulnerability, relationality, circumstance vs. experience, courage, defiance, overconfidence, leadership, vulnerability, resilience, trust, decision-making, mental health, grief.

Personal Adversity and Existential Propositions

The speaker recounts a period in his mid-30s marked by significant personal adversities: clinical depression, divorce, loss of assets and family home, an incurable cancer diagnosis, and unexpected career changes, all while raising three young children as a part-time single parent. He describes a moment of outrage at the universe, demanding an explanation for his suffering. This led to three existential propositions that have guided him for 25 years:

1. What if life happens for us, not to us?
2. What if suffering has a function?
3. What if adversity is a teacher?

He emphasizes that adversity is the greatest teacher of virtue, and the greatest virtue is compassion for oneself and others.

The 2003 Canberra Bushfires: A Case Study in Defiance and Overconfidence

The speaker recounts his experience as an Assistant Commissioner of the New South Wales Rural Fire Service during the 2003 Canberra bushfires, which resulted in four deaths and the destruction of 488 homes. He was sent to Canberra to offer assistance but was initially rebuffed by the local authorities, who believed they had sufficient resources.

Despite his superior's assessment, the speaker recognized the severity of the situation and the flawed decision-making process of the local leader. He felt morally obligated to act, even without official authority. He directed resources from a neighboring jurisdiction (Queanbeyan) into Canberra.

This experience taught him two key lessons:

1. The courage it takes to face adversity and be compassionate. Sometimes, one can see suffering that others cannot.
2. The presence of defiance and overconfidence within the sector's culture.

Systemic Issues: Defiance and Overconfidence in Emergency Response

The speaker observed similar patterns of defiance and overconfidence in subsequent disasters, including the 2009 Victorian fires, the 2010 Brisbane floods, the 2011 Cyclone Yasi, and the 2017 Lismore floods. This recurring issue led him to pursue a PhD to investigate further.

PhD Research: Invulnerability vs. Relationality in Leadership

His PhD research involved analyzing witness statements from three major inquiries (two Australian, one US) and interviewing 89 leaders across the United States, Australia, and New Zealand. The research revealed two contrasting leadership styles:

1. Invulnerability (The Tragic Story)

• Failure to see, sense, and feel suffering (self and others): This leads to insensitivity.
• Insensitivity to suffering: When suffering is denied, disavowed, or ignored, it flourishes.
• Insufficient responses: Actions are inadequate because they don't address the underlying suffering.
• Hiding behind regimes of compliance: Leaders rely on policies, frameworks, legislation, and standards for safety and justification.
• Defensiveness when criticized: Especially by the media and during inquiries.
• Unconscious cultural pervasion: This creates a defensive and disconnected environment.

The speaker cites the example of a young mother stranded on her roof during a flood who was criticized by emergency services for not evacuating, despite following official advice. This illustrates the dehumanizing effect of invulnerable leadership.

2. Relationality (The Inspirational Story)

• Seeing, sensing, and feeling suffering (self and others): This establishes relatability.
• Relatability: Leads to a commitment to addressing suffering.
• Venturous action: Taking personal risks to alleviate suffering.
• Accountability: Taking responsibility for actions and outcomes.

He highlights two leaders who exemplified relational leadership:

• David (US Governor): He spent five days living with a parent of a child with severe disability to understand their challenges, leading to policy changes.
• Peter (Australian Attorney General and Prisons Minister): He listened to the story of a pregnant prisoner and allowed her to keep her child in prison, setting up a crate for the baby.

These leaders demonstrated the capacity to see suffering, step in, and use their privilege to act. They also understood the distinction between circumstance and experience.

Circumstance vs. Experience

The speaker emphasizes the importance of relating through experience rather than circumstance.

• Circumstance: Specific situations or conditions (e.g., having a disabled child, being in prison).
• Experience: Shared human emotions and feelings (e.g., anxiety, depression, loss, joy).

Relying solely on circumstance can lead to a lack of relatability (sliding towards zero). Relating through experience allows for connection and compassion (sliding towards one), fostering happiness.

Personal Loss and the Power of Shared Experience

The speaker shares the experience of losing his wife suddenly and tragically. While others couldn't understand the specific circumstance of losing a spouse, they could relate to the experience of loss and grief. These conversations based on shared experience helped him navigate his sadness and begin to rebuild his life.

Conclusion: Three Key Takeaways

1. Adversity teaches virtue, and the greatest virtue is compassion for self and others.
2. Suffering has a function and should be honored. Denying or ignoring suffering allows it to flourish.
3. We may not always relate to circumstance, but we can always relate to experience. Have the courage to be relational and compassionate, as this is where happiness is found.