How community can help rebuild your life | Bridgett Strickler | TEDxYorkville Women

Key Concepts

• Addiction and Grief: The speaker's personal journey through addiction, triggered by grief from family illnesses and deaths.
• Alcoholics Anonymous (AA): The role of AA in providing a supportive community for recovery.
• Community as a Healing Force: The central theme of community's power to heal, foster belonging, and rewrite personal narratives.
• Comebackers: Individuals who return to education later in life to build a better future.
• Positive Leadership and Belonging: The impact of shared struggle and connection in academic and professional settings.
• Storytelling and Potential: The power of stories to illustrate possibilities and the transformative effect of community.

The Genesis of a Comeback: A Walgreens Revelation

The speaker's personal comeback did not originate in a grand setting but rather in a mundane location: aisle 5 of a Walgreens on a cold January day. While picking up toothpaste and experiencing a hangover, the speaker was confronted with a devastating phone call: their friend Steve had died by suicide, having taken pain medication and then a gun. This news created a profound sense of shock and dissociation, leaving the speaker caught between the need to protect Steve's daughter, who was present, and the overwhelming urge to express grief. The speaker describes dissociating by focusing on mundane tasks like placing items in the shopping basket and making small talk, a coping mechanism honed by years of avoiding self-honesty and emotional numbing.

The Roots of Addiction: Grief and Avoidance

The speaker reveals that their addiction to alcohol began five years prior, stemming from the grief of their grandmother's death from colon cancer, followed closely by their mother's ovarian cancer diagnosis. As a mother of two, the speaker felt overwhelmed and unable to process their grief, opting instead to "drown it out in alcohol." This nightly ritual led to morning hangovers and a self-deceptive belief that their drinking was not severe, especially as they continued to contribute to the community by coaching a middle school field hockey team. However, the reality was increasing isolation, missed social invitations, and a disconnection from their husband, daughters, and friends, as well as meaningful work. The realization that they did not want to continue living this way, coupled with the fear of a similar fate to Steve, prompted a crucial decision.

The Fragile Choice: Reaching Out to AA

Driven by the fear of becoming a victim of addiction, the speaker made a "fragile choice" to call a friend in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). This act of reaching out was awkward and vulnerable, marked by a shaking voice and uncertainty about what to ask for. The speaker's first AA meeting was not what they had envisioned. The environment was described as cold, smelling of stale cigarettes and bad coffee, with the grating sound of metal chairs on a towel-covered floor. Despite the unappealing setting, the simple prayer offered by the group and the leader's question, "Is anyone new here?" created a pivotal moment. When the speaker, Bridget, identified herself as new, the entire room turned and welcomed her with a unified "Hello, Bridget." This simple act of unconditional acceptance, without judgment or inquiry into her past, was profoundly impactful after years of hiding and feeling like an outsider.

Community as the Catalyst for Healing

The speaker's experience in AA demonstrated that healing is not an individual endeavor but a collective one. Returning to meetings week after week, the speaker became part of the welcoming chorus for new members. Through shared stories and moments of laughter, the speaker realized they were not "broken" and that community was the source of their healing. This led to 14 years of sobriety.

The MBA Journey: Belonging Through Shared Struggle

Years later, at the age of 47, the speaker embarked on pursuing an MBA. This was a different experience than returning to school in their twenties, as it involved balancing a husband, two children, and a full-time job, accompanied by an inner voice questioning their belonging. In a "Positive Leadership" course, the speaker found a new form of community. Small group discussions revealed shared vulnerabilities and motivations: one man was pursuing the degree as a second chance after marrying the love of his life twice; another was coping with the loss of a son to a drunk driver; and a woman saw the MBA as a roadmap to independence amidst a divorce. These shared stories, filled with emotion and vulnerability, "carried" the speaker and reinforced the idea that belonging is built through shared struggle and connection, not solely through credentials.

Research Validates Community's Impact

The speaker cites research supporting the importance of community in education. A 2024 study in the Journal of Learning Development and Higher Education found that students in structured communities or with peer mentors exhibit higher retention rates, better academic performance, and a greater sense of support. This research underscores the tangible benefits of community.

The MBA Graduation and the Birth of "Comebackers"

On December 12, 2015, at 48 years old, the speaker earned their MBA. This achievement was more than a diploma; it was a realization that community "multiplies your potential, lifts you up, and inspires you to lift others up, too." This desire to replicate that empowering feeling for others led to the creation of a community for individuals starting anew later in life, referred to as "comebackers."

Comebackers: An Investment in Potential

The speaker advocates for "comebackers" as valuable investments for companies. These individuals, rooted in their communities, are often overlooked due to a lack of formal education, despite possessing valuable life experience. The story of Hela exemplifies this. Having been told repeatedly by her mother that she was "too stupid," Hela never graduated high school. However, upon entering an adult education center, the program director's words, "You deserve your education simply because you exist," were transformative. This simple affirmation allowed Hela to rewrite her narrative, leading her to earn two associate degrees and pursue a bachelor's degree, eventually teaching at the same center that empowered her. This illustrates how community can redefine limiting beliefs like "you're too stupid," "you're too old," or "you're too late" into empowering affirmations of belonging, capability, and a fresh start.

The Power of Stories and Community in Rewriting Narratives

The speaker has dedicated their career to building and supporting communities for comebackers, emphasizing that "Stories tell us what numbers do not." These stories highlight the possibilities for adult learners. The common thread among these individuals is that "Community heals. Community is the force multiplier of your potential. And community helps you rewrite your story." The speaker advises those returning to school later in life to actively build a community, identifying it as the "X factor" for success.

The State University of New York Example

A Times Union article by Kathleen Moore is referenced, detailing a successful program at the State University of New York that establishes coaching communities for students. The results are significant: students in these programs earn more credits and remain enrolled longer than their peers not participating in the program, demonstrating that connection leads to persistence.

Defining a "Good Community"

The speaker outlines the characteristics of a supportive community for those returning to education:

• It holds you, it doesn't fix you: A space for vulnerability and imperfection.
• You can show up messy and unfiltered: Acceptance of one's current state.
• It notices when you stop showing up: Active engagement and care for members.
• It calls and texts to check in: Demonstrating that members matter.
• It helps you rewrite your story: Providing new, empowering narratives.

This community medicine is crucial for comebackers seeking better opportunities through education. The speaker's own comeback, which began in Walgreens, continues with each new person who enters a community and is met with the welcoming affirmation, "Welcome home."