Healthier Happier #8 | Tự định nghĩa giá trị bản thân giữa xã hội đầy kỳ vọng | Ngô Minh Uy, WELink

Key Concepts

• Phẩm giá (Dignity): Inherent worth of a human being.
• Giá trị nội tại (Intrinsic Value): Value that comes from within, not from external validation.
• Can đảm (Courage): Not the absence of fear, but acting despite fear.
• Trách nhiệm (Responsibility): Owning one's choices and actions.
• Là chính mình (Being oneself): Self-awareness and living authentically.
• Tự khác biệt hóa bản thân (Self-differentiation): Recognizing oneself and living in harmony with others.
• Sợ hãi (Fear): The primary barrier to living authentically.
• Phục hồi tâm lý (Resilience): The ability to bounce back from adversity.
• Nhận diện bản thân (Self-awareness): Understanding one's own values, interests, and beliefs.
• Giá trị (Values): What one deems important, both internally and externally.
• Lợi ích (Interests): What one is curious about and enjoys.
• Niềm tin (Beliefs): Convictions that shape thoughts and actions.
• Chấn thương liên thế hệ (Intergenerational Trauma): The impact of trauma passed down through generations.
• Cân bằng (Balance): A cautious concept, often leading to compromise rather than true choice.
• Nhất quán (Congruence): Aligning one's actions with one's values and intentions.
• Chánh niệm (Mindfulness): Accepting reality as it is.
• Lối sống trị liệu (Therapeutic Lifestyle Change - TLC): A holistic approach to well-being focusing on diet, sleep, and exercise.
• Niềm tin sai trái (Irrational Beliefs): Distorted thoughts that lead to negative emotions and behaviors.

Summary

This YouTube video, "How Happ Happier" on the Viet Success channel, hosted by Trúc Linh and featuring guest expert Ngô Minh Uy, delves into the profound concepts of living courageously and responsibly, emphasizing self-awareness and authenticity. The discussion aims to equip viewers with tools to enhance their mental and physical well-being for a more fulfilling life.

The Essence of Courageous and Responsible Living

Ngô Minh Uy shares his personal journey, highlighting significant life choices such as entering a seminary, leaving it, marrying outside his faith, and navigating personal health challenges like kidney failure. He emphasizes that his approach to these situations was not about suppressing fear but about acknowledging it and still moving forward. He contrasts this with the common societal pressure to please everyone, which he deems a path to "death" in a metaphorical sense.

The core of the discussion revolves around the distinction between "being oneself" and "living courageously and responsibly." While "being oneself" focuses on self-identification, "living courageously and responsibly" involves actively engaging with and committing to one's identified values and life path. Uy stresses that the word "dám" (dare/dare to) is crucial, defining courage not as the absence of fear but as the willingness to act despite it, embracing potential risks.

Understanding Responsibility

Responsibility is defined as having a specific function. Parents have legal responsibility for children under 18. Beyond that, individuals are expected to become independent. Responsibility towards the community involves being a good citizen, adhering to laws, and contributing positively. However, Uy cautions against overstepping boundaries and interfering in others' private lives. He outlines three key areas of responsibility:

1. Responsibility to oneself: Growing, working, and benefiting oneself.
2. Responsibility to dependents: Children and, later, parents.
3. Civic responsibility: Adhering to laws and contributing to society.

The Benefits of Living Authentically

Living one's own life, as opposed to conforming to societal expectations, leads to increased energy and motivation, as actions are aligned with personal desires. Numerous studies, though not detailed in this excerpt, support the idea that living authentically enhances overall physical and mental well-being, leading to greater peace and happiness. Conversely, living inauthentically creates internal conflict and a lack of motivation when external benefits diminish.

Uy challenges the Vietnamese cultural notion of "living for others," citing Murray Bowen's theory of self-differentiation. He argues that individuals should live for themselves while maintaining harmonious relationships, rather than feeling obligated to live for others.

Barriers to Courageous Living: The Role of Fear

The primary obstacle preventing young people from living by their internal values is fear. This manifests as:

• Fear of making mistakes: Leading to self-censorship and reluctance to express thoughts.
• Fear of responsibility: Hesitation to commit to actions and their consequences, exemplified by high rates of cancellation or "ghosting" in Vietnam.

The modern world's inherent uncertainty, amplified by events like the COVID-19 pandemic, has increased societal anxiety. This has led to a greater emphasis on resilience – the ability to recover from setbacks.

The Foundation of Self-Worth: Dignity and Values

Human beings possess inherent dignity. Believing in this inherent worth leads to intrinsic value. This value is not found externally but is created internally. The desire for universal love is identified as a detrimental pursuit, as it leads to inauthenticity and a loss of self.

The process of self-awareness is presented as a courageous journey in itself. It involves understanding one's values, both internal (e.g., being kind, having worth) and external (e.g., what one prioritizes in interactions). The V3 model from Willin is mentioned, with "Values" being a crucial component.

• Internal Values: Stemming from the belief in one's inherent dignity, which is formed in early childhood through nurturing and validation. Negative parental feedback can undermine this belief.
• External Values: What one prioritizes in their interactions with the world. For Uy, this is fairness, leading him to advocate for it even in the face of adversity, drawing parallels with Socrates.

The "I" in the V3 model represents Interests, which should be cultivated and transformed into a means of livelihood. The current educational system in Vietnam is criticized for often not helping students identify their interests, leading to unfulfilling career choices.

The Impact of Upbringing and Intergenerational Trauma

The discussion highlights the significant impact of parental upbringing on a child's self-belief. Positive reinforcement and allowing children to experience consequences of their choices foster self-worth. Conversely, constant criticism and denial are detrimental. The tendency for Vietnamese parents to believe that criticism leads to development is challenged by modern psychology.

The concept of intergenerational trauma is introduced, suggesting that current generations inherit the psychological impacts of their parents' experiences. Parents themselves may fear seeking help due to the belief that it signifies weakness or inadequacy.

Navigating Irrational Beliefs and Making Choices

The video addresses how to identify and challenge irrational beliefs that hinder authentic living. Drawing from Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), four primary irrational beliefs are discussed:

1. Primary Irrational Beliefs (e.g., "Musts" and "Shoulds"): The belief that one must be good, beautiful, rich, or that others must love them. These are often rooted in greed or an inability to control external factors.
2. Secondary Irrational Beliefs:
   • Catastrophizing: Exaggerating the significance of minor issues.
   • Low Frustration Tolerance: Inability to cope with minor setbacks.
   • Self-Deprecation and Other-Deprecation: Harsh self-criticism or criticism of others.

The distinction between rational and irrational emotions is also made. Sadness or anger in response to genuine hardship (e.g., being falsely accused, losing a loved one) is rational. However, becoming upset over trivial matters or things that do not directly affect oneself is irrational.

Cultivating a Healthy Lifestyle and Making Meaningful Choices

A holistic approach to well-being is advocated, encompassing four dimensions: physical, psychological, relational, and philosophical/spiritual. The Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC) model, focusing on diet, sleep, and exercise, is presented as a foundational element for a healthy life. Concerns are raised about young people's poor sleep habits and sedentary lifestyles, which have long-term health consequences.

The discussion then tackles the complex issue of balancing personal desires with family obligations. The example of a friend choosing to stay in Vietnam to be near parents, foregoing study abroad, is analyzed. Uy clarifies that while the choice to stay is valid if freely made, it becomes problematic if it's an avoidance of personal dreams or a response to parental pressure. He emphasizes that individuals are responsible for their own emotions, not for managing their parents' feelings.

The Journey of Congruence and Resilience

The concept of congruence, or consistency, is highlighted as a key to a fully functioning life, as proposed by Carl Rogers. This involves aligning one's actions with one's values and intentions. The journey of living courageously is not about avoiding setbacks but about accepting oneself, pausing when needed, and continuing forward. Drawing inspiration from Socrates, the importance of pursuing what one believes is right, regardless of external praise or criticism, is stressed.

Conclusion and Final Message

The video concludes by acknowledging that there are no universal answers, but rather individual journeys of self-discovery. The core message is to embrace the process of self-awareness, make courageous choices, and live with responsibility. Viewers are encouraged to seek support from qualified mental health professionals if needed. The ultimate goal is to live a life of harmony, both internally and with others, finding joy and fulfillment in the ongoing journey.