Healthier Happier #7 | Nuôi dưỡng sự linh hoạt tâm lý trong đời sống biến động | ThS Gia Hoàng

Key Concepts

• Linh hoạt tâm lý (Psychological Flexibility): Khả năng mềm dẻo và thích ứng với cuộc sống, bao gồm hiện diện trọn vẹn trong hiện tại, kết nối với những giá trị quan trọng, và chấp nhận những trải nghiệm khó khăn.
• Hiện diện trọn vẹn (Full Presence): Có mặt một cách trọn vẹn ở thời điểm hiện tại, với những gì đang diễn ra bên trong và bên ngoài.
• Chấp nhận (Acceptance): Chủ động đón nhận những trải nghiệm khó khăn, không né tránh hay đè nén chúng.
• Cam kết (Commitment): Hành động hướng tới những giá trị và mục tiêu quan trọng trong cuộc sống.
• Mắt kẹt (Stuckness): Tình trạng cứng nhắc về tâm lý, biểu hiện qua việc bị kẹt trong quá khứ/tương lai, suy nghĩ, né tránh trải nghiệm, hoặc mất kết nối với giá trị bản thân.
• Chế độ ngắm hoàng hôn (Sunset Mode): Một trạng thái hiện diện trọn vẹn, tận hưởng trọn vẹn trải nghiệm mà không cố gắng thay đổi nó.

Psychological Flexibility: Navigating Life's Challenges

This podcast episode, "Healthier Happier" on the Việt Success channel, features psychologist Nguyễn Thị Gia Hoàng discussing the crucial concept of psychological flexibility in modern life. Hosted by Trúc Linh, the program aims to equip viewers with practical tools for mental and physical well-being.

The Importance of Psychological Flexibility

In today's volatile world, characterized by rapid changes in climate, technology (AI), and societal dynamics (VUCA to BANI), psychological flexibility is presented as an essential skill. It is not about avoiding difficulties but about learning to navigate them effectively, contributing significantly to a person's well-being and peace of mind. The core idea is to distinguish between what can be controlled and what cannot, thereby gaining more freedom and agency.

Defining Psychological Flexibility

Psychological flexibility is defined as a state of softness and adaptability. It encompasses three key aspects:

1. Full Presence: Being fully present in the current moment, acknowledging internal and external experiences.
2. Connection to Values: Connecting with and moving towards what is truly important in life.
3. Acceptance of Difficulty: Willingness to experience difficult emotions and situations that may arise while pursuing meaningful goals.

Manifestations of Psychological Flexibility

A person with psychological flexibility demonstrates:

• Presence amidst chaos: The ability to be present in the here and now, despite numerous tasks and pressures.
• Openness to difficult experiences: Recognizing and embracing challenging internal experiences, such as fear, sadness, or disappointment, to gain the energy and stability to move forward towards chosen goals.

What We Can and Cannot Control

A fundamental aspect of psychological flexibility is understanding the distinction between controllable and uncontrollable elements:

• Uncontrollable: Large external events, the actions and thoughts of others, and often, the immediate onset and departure of emotions.
• Controllable: Our own actions and behaviors. While we may not control feeling sad, we can control actions like going for a walk, drinking water, or talking to a friend, which can indirectly influence our emotional state. Focusing on controllable actions provides greater freedom.

Navigating Failure and Self-Criticism

When faced with failure or mistakes, psychological flexibility involves:

• Being present: Acknowledging the current situation and the consequences of the error.
• Recognizing internal criticism: Identifying self-critical thoughts and judgments without getting overwhelmed by them.
• Understanding the intent of internal dialogue: Recognizing that self-criticism might be an attempt to prevent future mistakes, even if the method is self-punishing.
• Shifting towards action: Once the intent is understood, redirecting energy towards corrective actions or repair.
• Self-compassion: Viewing imperfections and mistakes as a normal part of the human experience and treating oneself with kindness to move forward.

Signs of "Stuckness" (Psychological Rigidity)

Psychological rigidity, the opposite of flexibility, manifests in several ways:

• Getting stuck in the past or future: Ruminating on past events or excessively worrying about future possibilities that haven't occurred, leading to a disconnection from the present.
• Fusion with thoughts: Becoming overly attached to thoughts, especially negative self-talk (e.g., "I am worthless"), and viewing everything through that lens.
• Experiential avoidance: Actively trying to avoid difficult emotions, thoughts, or sensations, which paradoxically narrows one's life experience.
• Lack of clarity on values: Feeling adrift without a sense of direction or purpose.
• Inaction or automatic action: Knowing what is important but failing to act, or acting in ways that do not align with one's values.

Example: A young professional rigidly refusing to work on a Sunday when a critical contract needs signing, despite potential negative consequences for the company and their own career, illustrates this rigidity. The decision is made without considering the broader context or personal values.

The Role of Acceptance and Commitment

The Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) model emphasizes:

• Acceptance: Not as a sign of weakness or giving up, but as a proactive embrace of experiences. It involves making space for difficult emotions and sensations without fighting them. Research shows that suppressing emotions often amplifies them.
• Commitment: This involves two parts:
  1. Clarifying values: Identifying what is truly important and what direction one wants to move in life.
  2. Taking action: Consistently acting in alignment with those values, even when it's difficult or when one gets sidetracked. The act of recognizing when one has strayed and returning to the path is itself a commitment.

Challenging Common Advice

The common advice to "just be happy" or "be strong" can be counterproductive. Forcing oneself to be happy when experiencing sadness can create pressure and self-criticism. It's normal to experience a range of emotions, including sadness and vulnerability. A more helpful approach is to acknowledge and name these feelings (e.g., "I am feeling sad," "I am feeling disappointed"). This validation can provide comfort and empower individuals to take self-care actions.

The Journey of Acceptance: A Case Study

The speaker shares an anecdote about supporting individuals who lost loved ones during the pandemic. One particularly memorable story involved a person who, after experiencing the initial stages of grief (avoidance, struggle, deep sadness), learned to carry their loved one in their heart and pursue their dreams. This represents acceptance not as forgetting, but as integrating the loss and continuing to live meaningfully. The emotional waves of grief, while intense, are temporary and will eventually subside.

Practical Exercises for Psychological Flexibility

The following daily practices can cultivate psychological flexibility:

1. Practice Presence (Sunset Mode): Be fully present in current experiences, observing them without judgment or the need to change them. This can be applied to everyday activities, interactions, and even difficult moments.
2. Name and Acknowledge Experiences: Identify and label internal experiences (e.g., "I am feeling bored," "I am feeling angry"). This is the first step towards acceptance.
3. Commit to Small, Value-Driven Actions: Identify something important (e.g., health) and take a small, consistent action (e.g., a 10-minute walk daily). Regular practice builds momentum.

Final Encouragement

The core message is that well-being is a journey, not a destination. It involves small, meaningful steps, the right to choose our responses, and the commitment to self-care and nurturing relationships. The speaker encourages listeners to:

• Observe their mind: Is it present or wandering?
• Identify internal struggles: Are they wrestling with any difficult emotions or thoughts?
• Pause and observe: Look around, acknowledge their experiences.
• Ask: What is important or good for me right now?
• Act: Take the action that serves them, whether it's seeking connection or engaging in self-care.

The episode concludes by emphasizing that psychological flexibility is a skill that can be learned and practiced daily, leading to a more harmonious, healthy, and meaningful life.