Key Concepts
Grief, mourning, loss, stillness, art as therapy, drag as an escape/expression, double life, family acceptance, dreams, perseverance, transformation, growth through pain, finding meaning, survival, identity, resilience.
Zimbading's Story of Grief and Growth
Introduction: The Nature of Grief
Zimbading, a drag queen and artist, opens by acknowledging the difficulty of mourning someone without a proper goodbye, especially while striving for success. She emphasizes that grief is a slow process, indifferent to deadlines and dreams, and that it's okay to simply breathe amidst it. The world continues regardless of personal struggles.
Loss of Ate (Older Sister)
In January 2022, Zimbading's ate (older sister) was diagnosed with stage three cervical cancer. The experience was rapid for her ate but felt slow and heavy for Zimbading. Her ate was her "compass," "spiritual anchor," and "blueprint." As her ate weakened, Zimbading tried to stay strong, but was crumbling inside.
Introduction to Drag and Morrigs
In June 2022, Zimbading met Morrigs from Drag Race Philippines Season 1. Before this, drag was something she only watched online. Meeting Morrigs opened doors for her, allowing her to assist a real-life queen backstage.
Living a Double Life
Zimbading lived a "double life," working a corporate job by day and secretly assisting Morrigs with drag by night. Her family, being Christian, didn't understand drag, especially during her ate's illness. Drag became an escape and a form of freedom. She notes, "it is in art that we tap into the deepest crack of our humanity when reality breaks you art is how the soul stitches itself back together." She was drawn to the "glitter, the glam, the applause," but was "quietly breaking" inside.
The Passing of Ate and Drag Debut
In September 2022, her ate passed away. Zimbading felt like she lost a part of her soul. She didn't have time to grieve, returning to assist Morrigs a week or two after the funeral. "Moving on isn't healing, it's hiding," and drag became her distraction, mask, therapy, and destiny. In October 2022, she made her drag debut, no longer keeping it a secret. Her family was proud, even if they didn't fully understand it. Zimba's strength was forged by her ate's love and bravery.
Rising in the Drag Scene
By 2023, Zimbading was booked, blessed, and busy, gaining recognition as a queen in her own right, not just Morrigs' assistant. She felt like she was catching up to her dreams.
Papa's Illness and Drag Race Audition
A "plot twist" occurred when her papa (father) got sick. Initially thought to be manageable, his condition worsened, and diagnoses piled up. Time slowed down again, reminiscent of her ate's illness. In October 2023, Drag Race Philippines Season 3 casting was open. Despite being "green" and grieving, she auditioned for herself and her papa, wanting him to see her succeed in a world he didn't understand but would hopefully make him proud. She recalls him being "so so happy" for her. She notes, "sometimes we don't chase our dreams for ourselves sometimes we chase our dreams to prove love in a language that our parents never learn to speak."
Papa's Passing and Drag Race Acceptance
Six days before Christmas, her papa passed away. It felt cruel, as she was still grieving her ate. She received the call confirming her place in Drag Race Philippines Season 3 shortly after. It should have felt like a dream come true, but it felt heavy. "When you lose someone you love even your wins can feel heavy even your happiest moments come with a shadow."
Drag Race Experience and Transformation
On the Drag Race set, behind the "wigs and oneliners," there was "loneliness, pain, pressure, no phone, no family." She was competing with a "grieving heart and broken spirit." She learned that "sometimes the strongest queens are the ones who cry in the dressing room and still slay the runway." She transformed her grief into performances, looks, and moments. As the season aired, she witnessed her survival.
Moving Through Grief
In two years, she lost her ate and papa, but found herself. She didn't "move on" but "moved through" with pain as her pallet and drag as her prayer. "Stillness is not the absence of movement it is the presence of meaning." In the stillness of her grief, she found meaning in her art.
Conclusion: Growth and Resilience
Zimbading concludes by telling students navigating chaos and confusion that "grief is not a detour it's part of the path it's not something to get over it's something to grow through." She advises to "wait, breathe, and grow" not just for those lost, but for oneself. Growth speaks the goodbye that was never said. She uses the metaphor of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly in silence and darkness. As a "little cub," the jungle wasn't always loud, but in stillness, she learned to be the "fierce, fearless, and ferocious lioness" she is now. She is living proof that one can rise even when their world has fallen apart.
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