Feast on the Power of Being Alone | Mia Song | TEDxSaintAndrewsSchool

Key Concepts

Solitude, loneliness, self-entertainment, self-validation, sensory awareness, confidence, fear of being alone, choosing oneself, present moment, personal power.

Overcoming the Fear of Being Alone

The speaker, Mia Song, recounts her personal journey of overcoming the fear and awkwardness associated with being alone in public, particularly as a teenager. She challenges the societal notion that being alone equates to being lonely, arguing that solitude can be a powerful and rewarding choice.

Key Points:

• Societal Pressure: Social media, movies, and societal norms often portray being alone as a negative experience, implying loneliness or a lack of purpose.
• Personal Anecdote: Mia shares her first experience of eating alone at an Italian restaurant at age 13. This experience was transformative, allowing her to enjoy a meal without external pressures or distractions.
• Loneliness vs. Solitude: Mia distinguishes between loneliness (a feeling) and being alone (a choice). She emphasizes that choosing to be alone can be a deliberate and empowering act.
• Fear as an Indicator: The fear associated with being alone signifies being on the verge of something meaningful and authentic.

Statistics:

• A January 2020 CNBC article stated that 73% of teenagers report feeling lonely at least once a week.
• An NIH article published in 2010 explains that we have been conditioned even genetically wired to believe that if we are not constantly surrounded by people something must be wrong with us.

Benefits of Embracing Solitude

Mia outlines three key benefits she discovered through her experiences of being alone:

1. Self-Entertainment is Entertaining

• Concept: Learning to entertain oneself is a valuable skill.
• Example: She mentions seeing an old man playing chess with himself in a park.
• Quote: Magnus Carlson, former world chess champion, said "I enjoy playing against myself because I always win."
• Explanation: Self-validation and reflection are easier to achieve when one is comfortable in their own company.

2. Heightened Sensory Awareness

• Concept: Being alone allows for a greater appreciation of one's five senses.
• Explanation: Without the distractions of technology or social interaction, individuals can become more attuned to their surroundings and internal sensations.
• Example: Mia highlights the importance of taste, describing the sensory experience of enjoying a meal. "The crisp crunch of fresh bread, the warmth of homemade soup, the velvety softness of ice cream as it slowly melts."

3. Increased Confidence

• Concept: Overcoming the initial discomfort of being alone leads to increased self-assurance.
• Process: Initially, Mia relied on her phone as a crutch, but gradually learned to detach and embrace the present moment.
• Outcome: This newfound confidence unlocks unexpected opportunities and personal growth.

Taking the First Steps: A VIP Pass to Solitude

Mia offers a "VIP pass" to embrace solitude, encouraging viewers to start small and gradually increase their comfort level with being alone.

Actionable Steps:

1. Start Small: Begin with simple activities like visiting a library, sitting at a cafe, or taking a solo walk.
2. The Spaghetti Test: Eventually, go to a restaurant alone and order a meal that you truly enjoy, like spaghetti.
3. Savor the Experience: Pay attention to the flavors, textures, and overall experience of the meal without external distractions or judgments.
4. Embrace the Power: Recognize that choosing to be alone is an act of self-empowerment and self-discovery.

Quote: "This is not merely a permission slip this is your claimed power from now on power to walk into any space take up a table for one and exist completely unapologetically as yourself."

Conclusion

Mia concludes by encouraging viewers to confidently embrace solitude, order their "bowl of spaghetti," and "feast on the power of being alone." The main takeaway is that being alone is not something to be feared or avoided, but rather a valuable opportunity for self-discovery, personal growth, and empowerment. By choosing to be alone, individuals can cultivate self-entertainment, heighten their sensory awareness, and develop greater confidence.