Embracing the Unknown | Jessica Eiseman | TEDxLone Star College

Key Concepts

• Ajanna: A Bengali word meaning "the unknown" or "the not yet revealed," used to describe the in-between space where old ways no longer work, and new ways haven't emerged.
• The Unknown: The unpredictable, unresolved aspects of life that often trigger fear and a desire for control.
• Deconditioning: A concept by Dr. Aloque Kenosha, described as "exposure therapy for your entire life," involving unlearning ingrained responses to discomfort.
• Performing Resilience: The act of outwardly appearing strong and capable, often at the expense of internal well-being, mistaking sacrifice for love or success.
• Relational Cultural Theory: A psychological framework emphasizing that healing and growth occur through connection and relationship, not in isolation.
• Joy as an Act of Resistance: A perspective from feminist poet Toy Derkott, suggesting that choosing joy, softness, and laughter in a demanding world is a refusal to let fear dominate.
• The In-Between Space: The period of uncertainty and transition, often viewed as a temporary hurdle, but reframed as a potential space for success and transformation itself.

The Unpredictable Nature of Life and the Concept of Ajanna

The speaker, a therapist, begins by acknowledging that life rarely follows a smooth, predictable path, often presenting unexpected detours and uncertainties. She introduces the Bengali word Ajanna, meaning "the unknown" or "the not yet revealed," as a term she uses with deep respect to describe this "in-between space" where old methods no longer suffice, and new solutions haven't yet materialized. This space can manifest after significant life events such as job loss, the end of a relationship, or moving to a new city.

Most people react to this uncertainty by pushing through until exhaustion or by fearing the unknown. The speaker notes that her work as a therapist would be less busy if people didn't harbor this fear. She first encountered the concept of Ajanna in a sitcom, "Alex Inc.," where a character's father advised her, "You don't even know what you're afraid of. You must never fear the Ajanna because Ajanna is where all the good things happen."

The Human Brain's Wiring and the Illusion of Control

Our brains are "wired for a complete story" – a beginning, middle, end, and resolution. When life lacks this resolution, we tend to panic and spiral, finding uncertainty unbearable. This leads to clinging to the "illusion of control" through schedules, rituals, and routines, which provide a false sense of safety. However, life inevitably shifts, disrupting these perceived controls. The speaker references Socrates' blunt statement: "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing," highlighting how this truth can be uncomfortable because it points to the unresolved spaces we try to avoid. To cope, people often "pretend," "force certainty," "write endings way too soon," or "stay too long" in uncomfortable situations because "letting go feels scarier than the unknown."

Personal Transformation Through Embracing Ajanna

The speaker shares her personal journey, illustrating that transformation can begin "in the middle of the mess," even before things make sense. Externally, she appeared successful, building a group practice and supporting clients and supervisees. Internally, however, she was "wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor," mistaking suffering for success. She realized that merely naming her practice after Ajanna wasn't the same as "living it"; she was building something for others while feeling "buried underneath."

The Ajanna, or the unknown, persistently presented itself, subtly at first, then "impossible to ignore." Her turning point came when she stopped fighting it, realizing she needed to "stop performing resilience" and "stop mistaking sacrifice for love." This led to the difficult decision of dissolving her practice, which many saw as proof of her success. She reframed this not as failure or giving up, but as an act of "trust in myself." For her, stepping into the Ajanna meant "saying no when I meant no, resting when my body told me to stop, and choosing not to betray myself just to keep everyone else comfortable."

Methodologies for Navigating the Unknown

Healing within the Ajanna involves "unlearning all the ways we were taught to run from discomfort." The speaker introduces Dr. Aloque Kenosha's concept of deconditioning, which she describes as "exposure therapy, but for your entire life." She notes that, like therapy, this process rarely feels like progress while one is in the midst of it.

She challenges the common perception of life's difficulties, citing a church sign that read, "No one ever got lost on a straight road." She counters that life is the "construction, potholes, and plenty of Houston traffic." These aren't obstacles preventing us from living; "they are life." She proposes flipping the narrative: instead of believing that joy is temporary and bad things follow good, we should believe that "when bad things come... joy is also on its way." She references the movie "Inside Out," which reminds us that "without sadness, we wouldn't even recognize joy."

Joy as Resistance and the Power of Connection

In times of heavy uncertainty, the speaker, drawing on feminist poet Toy Derkott, emphasizes that "joy is an act of resistance." In a world constantly demanding "more hustle, more resilience, more pretending we're fine," choosing to "soften, to laugh, to relish" is a refusal "to let fear have the last word."

She shares a personal mantra she tells her daughter and reminds herself: "You can be brave and scared at the same time." Living in the Ajanna is not about fearlessness but about admitting, "I don't know how this is going to turn out." It's fundamentally about connection, as Relational Cultural Theory posits that "healing doesn't happen in isolation, but in relationship." It's also about refusing to "perform resilience" when what is truly needed is rest.

The speaker encourages embracing the "in-between" as a success in itself, rather than just a phase to endure. She quotes Tracy Ellis Ross: "I'm learning every day to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me."

Conclusion: Embracing the Ajanna

The speaker concludes by inviting the audience to wonder: "What if the unknown isn't the thing we're supposed to conquer, but the place we're meant to live?" She believes that living in this space is both our greatest challenge and our greatest opportunity. Her actionable advice is that if one finds themselves in the Ajanna—uncertain, uncomfortable, or afraid—they should "stay, lean into it." Transformation, she asserts, lives "not beyond it, not after it, but inside it." The ultimate takeaway is: "Don't fear the Ajanna because that's where the good stuff lives."