Don't Do These 6 Annoying Pet Peeves

Non-Verbal Pet Peeves: A Guide to Avoiding Awkward Interactions

Key Concepts:

• Proxemics (personal space)
• Eye contact (duration and intensity)
• Haptics (touch)
• Handshakes (technique and pressure)
• Hugs (signaling and execution)
• Non-verbal communication cues

1. Proxemics: The Perils of Standing Too Close

• Main Point: Invading personal space is a common non-verbal pet peeve.
• Details: The closest acceptable distance is 18 inches, but 3 feet is preferred for comfortable interaction and handshaking.
• Actionable Insight: Be mindful of personal space boundaries to avoid making others uncomfortable.

2. Oculesics: Navigating the Nuances of Eye Contact

• Main Point: Maintaining appropriate eye contact is crucial for effective communication.
• Details:
  • Too little eye contact can be perceived as disinterest or dishonesty.
  • Too much eye contact (staring) can be invasive and intimidating.
  • In Western cultures, 60-70% eye contact during conversation is ideal.
• Technique: A trick to ensure sufficient eye contact is to consciously notice the other person's eye color.

3. Haptics: The Touchy Subject of Physical Contact

• Main Point: Excessive or unwanted touching can be a major non-verbal faux pas.
• Personal Anecdote: The speaker admits to being a "toucher" (arm touches, shoulder touches, hugs, high fives) and acknowledges it can be overwhelming for others.
• Mitigation Strategy: The "hover touch" – reaching out as if to touch but stopping short – can convey warmth without violating personal space.
• Actionable Insight: Be mindful of others' comfort levels with physical touch and respect their boundaries.

4. Handshakes: Mastering the Art of the First Impression

• Main Point: A bad handshake can negatively impact a first impression.
• Elements of a Good Handshake:
  • Orientation: Vertical (up and down motion), not flipped up/down (dominant) or side-to-side. Thumb pointed towards the sky.
  • Condition: Dry hand (use a napkin around a cold drink to absorb moisture).
  • Pressure: Firm but not crushing (like squeezing a peach).
  • Duration: One to three pumps.
• Actionable Insight: Practice the elements of a good handshake to project confidence and competence.

5. Hugs: Decoding the Signals and Avoiding Awkwardness

• Main Point: Ambiguous hug intentions can lead to uncomfortable interactions.
• Signaling a Hug: Approach with both palms open and chest angled towards the other person.
• Signaling a Handshake: "Blade" the body (turn to the side) and extend one hand.
• Alternative Greetings: Wave or fist bump, especially during germ season.
• Actionable Insight: Clearly signal your greeting intention to avoid confusion and awkwardness.

6. Conclusion: Mastering Non-Verbal Cues for Better Communication

• Synthesis: Being aware of and avoiding these non-verbal pet peeves can significantly improve social interactions and prevent misunderstandings.
• Book Promotion: The speaker's book, "Cues," covers 97 different verbal, vocal, body language, and color cues for effective communication.