Don't Be Yourself... | Santhosh Sundaresan | TEDxTIPS Salem Youth

Key Concepts

• Authenticity: The quality of being genuine and true to oneself.
• Fixed Mindset: A belief that one's abilities and intelligence are fixed and cannot be developed.
• Growth Mindset: A belief that one's abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work.
• Black Mamba Mentality: Kobe Bryant's alter ego, characterized by a relentless pursuit of excellence, emotional detachment on the court, and a focus on improvement.
• Lead Yourself: An alternative approach to "be yourself," emphasizing self-control, stepping out of comfort zones, and continuous self-improvement.

The Fallacy of "Be Yourself"

The speaker challenges the common advice to "be yourself," arguing that in the current era, it has become an excuse for inaction and a barrier to growth. The phrase, often associated with success and uniqueness, has lost its credibility.

Personal Anecdote: The Global Essay Competition

The speaker recounts an experience participating in a global essay competition hosted by the John Lock Institute. Despite initial enthusiasm driven by the prestige of Princeton and Oxford, procrastination led to significant delays. Even with an extended deadline, the speaker was only able to produce a minimal amount of work, highlighting how "being oneself" (in this case, prone to procrastination) hindered progress.

Personal Anecdote: TEDx Talk Auditions

When registering for a TEDx talk, the speaker initially tried to "be different" and break out of their comfort zone. However, during auditions, they were the only one without a script, leading to a moment of doubt and a desire to withdraw. Encouragement from peers and teachers allowed the speaker to proceed, ultimately breaking their "bubble" and successfully delivering the talk. This experience reinforced the idea that "being oneself" can lead to missed opportunities.

The Consequences of "Being Yourself"

The speaker posits that adhering strictly to "being yourself" can lead to:

• Self-doubt: A lack of confidence in one's abilities.
• Overthinking the future: Excessive worry and rumination about what is to come.

To support this, the speaker conducted a survey of 13 teenagers. The results indicated that:

• More than half (7 out of 13) lacked confidence in themselves.
• 11 out of 13 overthought about the future.

Case Study: Kobe Bryant's "Black Mamba Mentality"

The speaker draws a parallel with basketball legend Kobe Bryant. Upon entering the NBA, Bryant struggled with the pressure, pace, and criticism. Despite being a star rookie, his performance suffered. To overcome this, he consciously changed his personality, attitude, and adopted an emotional detachment on the court. This transformation led to his renowned "Black Mamba Mentality," an alter ego that propelled his success. The key takeaway is that Bryant created a better version of himself rather than remaining static.

"Being Yourself" and the Fixed Mindset

The speaker argues that "being yourself" often fosters a fixed mindset, a concept explained in Carol Dweck's book "Mindset." Individuals with a fixed mindset resist change and deny their mistakes, believing their abilities are innate and unchangeable.

Counterargument and Rebuttal

A potential counterargument is that not being oneself implies acting for external validation. However, the speaker reframes this by asking: if "yourself" is the obstacle to growth, is it not necessary to change? Furthermore, if this change benefits one's future self and loved ones, why is it wrong?

The Alternative: "Lead Yourself"

Given the perceived drawbacks of "being yourself," the speaker sought an alternative. Through research, they discovered the concept of "Lead Yourself," as articulated by psychotherapist Britt Frank.

"Lead Yourself" emphasizes:

• Change: Embracing personal transformation.
• Self-control: Taking full responsibility for one's actions and direction.
• Stepping out of comfort zones: Actively seeking new experiences and challenges.
• Rectifying mistakes: Learning from errors and improving.
• Becoming a better version of oneself: Continuous self-development.

Conclusion and Final Quote

The speaker concludes by sharing a quote from Rumi, an ancient Persian poet: "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I'm wise, so I am changing myself." This quote encapsulates the shift from external ambition to internal transformation, aligning with the "Lead Yourself" philosophy. The core message is that personal growth and positive change, rather than rigid adherence to one's current self, are crucial for a fulfilling life.