Deborah Tannen That's Not What I Meant! Signals, Devices, and Rituals

Conversational style encompasses the choices we make in using linguistic signals, devices, and rituals to convey meaning. These choices are influenced by a variety of factors and manifest in how we engage in dialogue.

Conversational Signals

Conversational signals refer to the fundamental elements of speech that contribute to the overall style of communication. These include:

• Amplitude: The loudness or softness of one's voice.
• Speed: The pace at which one speaks, whether quickly or slowly.
• Pacing and Pausing: The use and duration of pauses in speech.
• Music of Speech: The vocal quality and intonation patterns employed.
• Attitudes toward Talk and Silence: How individuals use silence to communicate or the extent to which they engage in conversation.

These signals are shaped by several key influences, often referred to as the "big five":

• Ethnic Background: This can include the country of origin, ancestral heritage, and the specific languages spoken within a community. For instance, American Sign Language has its own cultural nuances distinct from spoken English. Similarly, regional dialects within a country, such as those in the South or New England in the US, contribute to variations in conversational style.
• Regional Background: Geographic location and its associated linguistic patterns.
• Age: Generational differences in communication norms.
• Class: Socioeconomic factors influencing speech patterns.
• Gender: Societal expectations and learned behaviors related to gender.

Beyond these core influences, other factors can also shape conversational style, including:

• Sexual Orientation: Different communities may develop unique communication styles.
• Profession: Fields like psychology, geology, or accounting can foster distinct vocabularies and language usage patterns.

Conversational Devices

Conversational devices are the ways in which conversational signals are combined to manage interaction. Key devices include:

• Turn-Taking: The mechanisms used to signal the end of one's turn and the beginning of another's.
• Indirectness: The degree to which a message is conveyed directly or implicitly.
  • Example: In a shared living space, instead of directly asking a roommate to move her hair dryer, one might ask, "Sarah, is that your hair dryer?" hoping she will move it. Similarly, a passive-aggressive sign like "We love a clean sink" can be used to address unwashed dishes instead of a direct request.
• Questions: The types of questions asked and their underlying purpose (e.g., seeking information, expressing complaint, building connection).
• Complaining: Whether complaining is primarily for problem-solving or for establishing social connection.
• Insulting, Teaching, Irony: The use of these communicative strategies.
• Topic Management: When and how topics are introduced and discussed.
• Storytelling: The content, purpose, and delivery of narratives.
• Joking: The types of jokes told, their setup, and punchlines.
• Listenership: The crucial role of listener behavior in shaping the flow and success of a conversation.

Conversational Rituals

Conversational rituals highlight the patterned and often predictable nature of everyday interactions, distinct from formal ceremonies.

• Greeting Rituals:
  • United States: "How are you?" is a standard greeting, typically expecting a brief, positive response like "Fine" or "Good," not a detailed health report.
  • Burma (Myanmar): Greetings can include "Where are you going?" or "Have you eaten rice yet?" These are not literal inquiries but social conventions. Misinterpreting these as literal can lead to confusion or offense.
• Apology Rituals:
  • An apology can signify either an apology for an action ("I'm sorry I did X") or sympathy for a situation ("I'm sorry that happened").
  • The expected response to an apology is often reciprocal. For example, if one apologizes for forgetting to inform someone about a meeting, the other person might respond by acknowledging the oversight and expressing understanding, creating a "seesaw" effect where each party fulfills their role. Failure to do so can leave one party feeling unbalanced or unheard.

The core principle of conversational rituals is that understanding the ritualistic nature of interaction is essential for appropriate interpretation and response. Failing to recognize a ritual can lead to literal interpretations and mismatched reactions.

Key Concepts

• Conversational Style: The unique way individuals use language and non-verbal cues in communication.
• Conversational Signals: The basic components of speech like loudness, speed, and intonation.
• Conversational Devices: Strategies for managing interaction, such as turn-taking and indirectness.
• Conversational Rituals: Predictable patterns of interaction, like greetings and apologies, that have specific social functions.
• Amplitude: Vocal loudness.
• Intonation: The rise and fall of the voice in speaking.
• Turn-Taking: The process of exchanging speaking turns in a conversation.
• Indirectness: Communicating a message implicitly rather than explicitly.
• Listener Behavior: The role of the listener in conversational dynamics.