Comparisons can make us miserable: Chan Chun Sing

Key Concepts:

• Relative vs. Absolute Achievement
• Comparison and its impact on satisfaction
• Personal standards vs. External benchmarks
• The "Kingdom of the Blind" analogy

Main Topics and Key Points:

The speaker presents two anecdotes to illustrate the difference between being satisfied with absolute achievement versus relative achievement.

• Anecdote 1: Military Course: The speaker topped a military course but received a "C" grade. Initially confused and upset, he was told he was the top student in recent memory. This highlights the idea that absolute performance (a "C" grade) can be perceived differently based on relative performance (being the top student).
• Anecdote 2: Overseas Essay: The speaker scored 93 out of 100 on an essay, which would be considered an "A++" in Singapore. He was initially overjoyed. However, his happiness diminished when he learned another international student, whose first language was not English, scored 98. This demonstrates how relative comparison can deflate satisfaction even with a high absolute score.

Important Examples and Real-World Applications:

• The speaker uses his personal experiences in the military and overseas studies as case studies to illustrate the psychological impact of relative comparison.
• The discussion with his kids and the audience serves as a real-world application of the thought experiment, revealing different perspectives on achievement and satisfaction.

Key Arguments and Perspectives:

• The central argument is whether satisfaction stems from achieving a personal standard (absolute achievement) or from outperforming others (relative achievement).
• The speaker implicitly questions whether constant comparison is beneficial, suggesting it can diminish happiness even when one has performed well.
• The audience members offer contrasting perspectives: one is happy with the "C" grade as long as they are the top student ("Kingdom of the Blind"), while the other prefers the "A++" even if not the top, but only if they don't know the other person's score ("ignorance is bliss"). A third person would strive for the higher score regardless.

Notable Quotes and Significant Statements:

• "You should be very proud, you are the first student to top the course in recent memory and got a C grade." - Instructor, highlighting the disconnect between absolute and relative performance.
• "I was like huh." - The speaker's reaction to the "C" grade, showing initial confusion and dissatisfaction.
• "In Singapore we never cross 70." - The speaker's comment on the grading standards in Singapore, emphasizing the significance of the 93 score.
• "Ignorance is bliss." - One audience member's justification for preferring to be unaware of others' scores.
• "Are we happy with what we achieve absolutely or are we happy with what we achieve only relatively?" - The speaker's concluding question, summarizing the core theme.

Technical Terms, Concepts, or Specialized Vocabulary:

• Relative Achievement: Success measured in comparison to others.
• Absolute Achievement: Success measured against a personal standard or objective criteria.
• Kingdom of the Blind: An analogy implying that in a group of less capable individuals, even a mediocre person can be considered exceptional.
• Thought Experiment: A hypothetical scenario used to explore different perspectives and outcomes.

Logical Connections:

The two anecdotes are connected by the common theme of comparing oneself to others. The first anecdote introduces the idea that being "the best" can be satisfying even with a low absolute score. The second anecdote then complicates this by showing how a high absolute score can be diminished by comparison to an even higher score. The discussion with the audience further explores the different ways people approach achievement and comparison.

Synthesis/Conclusion:

The speaker uses personal anecdotes and audience interaction to explore the complex relationship between achievement and satisfaction. The core takeaway is that happiness can be influenced not only by absolute performance but also by relative comparison. The discussion highlights the different ways individuals perceive and react to these two aspects of achievement, suggesting that awareness of this dynamic can help individuals cultivate a more balanced and fulfilling approach to success.