Community & Individuality: Life with Both | Nate Guevin | TEDxBeaverCountryDaySchool

Key Concepts

• Community: A space where individuals can be themselves and uplift each other, derived from the Latin "communas" (public spirit).
• Individuality: The unique qualities of a person.
• Queer Community: A community built around identity, offering a space for self-recognition and expression.
• Zero-Sum Game: A situation where one person's gain is another's loss.
• Attention Economy: A system where attention has value and is limited, leading to competition for it.
• Calling Out vs. Calling In: Strategies for addressing harmful behavior, with "calling in" emphasizing private discussion for mutual understanding and improvement.
• Communal Species: The inherent human need for connection and collaboration.

Personal Identity and Community

Nate Gavon (NG) shares their identity as a non-binary individual, born in South Boston and raised in Dorchester by educators and carpenters. They use they/them pronouns, which they feel are integral to their identity and how they engage with communities. NG actively participates in several communities:

• Boston Skateboarding Community: Through events, local skate spots, and skate jams.
• Boston Dance Community: Connected through their spouse, Meera, a choreographer and teacher.
• Beaver Community: As an educator at Beaver Country Day School, both during the school year and summer.
• Queer and Trans Community: A community that defines them joyously, engaged with through spaces like Saga (Beaver Middle School's Sexuality and Gender Alliance) and Boston-area art and community spaces that prioritize queer inclusion and comfort.

NG emphasizes that while some aspects of identity are not chosen, actively engaging with communities is a choice that enriches their life.

The Queer Community and Self-Discovery

NG recounts their journey of recognizing their queerness at a young age but lacking the language for it until their mid-twenties. This realization occurred while skating at Smith Skate Park in Austin, where they connected with Dirt and Sur, two queer skaters. Sy, one of these skaters, suggested using they/them pronouns for NG to help them explore their gender identity. This experience was pivotal, providing NG with the language and validation to understand their gender identity. The support of this community was crucial in embracing their true self.

The Power of Being Seen and Heard

NG quotes Father John Misty: "That's how we live free, truly see and be seen." This resonates with the idea that engaging with communities is one thing, but being unapologetically oneself within them is another. Openness and honesty foster safety and comfort for everyone, pushing societal norms in a positive direction.

Zero-Sum Games and Community Dynamics

NG introduces the concept of a zero-sum game from game theory, where one person's advantage directly creates a disadvantage for another. Examples include:

• One popsicle: If one person eats it, the other cannot.
• One elevator in a building: If it's occupied, others needing it are delayed.

This concept is applied to community and individuality:

• Individuality threatening community: Occurs when individual actions cause harm to others, acting as a zero-sum game.
• Community threatening individuality: Happens when a community infringes upon or harms an individual's identity, especially if the community is built on attacking others. Communities should be safe and uplifting, not destructive.

The Attention Economy and its Impact on Community

NG highlights the attention economy, where attention is a valuable and limited resource. This competition for attention, driven by advertisers and social media creators, poses a threat to community. Individuals may resort to harmful actions (both in person and digitally) to gain attention.

Strategies to combat this include:

• Ignoring attention-seeking behavior: The simplest approach.
• Calling out behavior: NG argues this can inadvertently reward and further the behavior.
• Calling in individuals: A more effective method that involves private discussion to achieve mutual understanding and improvement, without drawing public attention to the harmful behavior.

The Importance of Community Support

NG shares a personal experience of needing community support after a severe BMX accident in 2021 at Smith Skate Park. The accident resulted in hospitalization, intubation, and facial reconstruction surgery. During this time, their communities rallied:

• Financial support: Friends and family raised money for medical bills and living costs.
• Practical support: NG's sibling, Mariah, created a registry for recovery items and crowdsourced funds.
• Emotional support: Daily visits from friends for games, TV, and conversation during their hospital stay and subsequent recovery.
• Family support: NG's mother provided care and a nutritious liquid diet during their recovery.

This experience underscores that community is vital for lifting individuals during their lowest points, whether it's family or "found" family.

Human Nature and Modern Challenges

NG asserts that humans are inherently communal and thrive when working towards common goals, becoming more than the sum of their parts. Historically, local communities provided essential support for hunting, gathering, protection, childcare, art, and storytelling.

Modernization, particularly the internet and smartphones, has shifted this towards an emphasis on individual self-sufficiency and constant productivity ("hustle culture"). This is a dangerous notion, as humans were not meant to survive alone. The normalization of pushing others away, disengaging from community, and refusing help is detrimental.

Conclusion and Call to Action

NG concludes by urging a conscious effort to counteract these isolating behaviors. Citing a study in Psychological Medicine linking excessive stress to depression and anxiety, they emphasize the importance of:

• Loving one another.
• Having each other's backs.
• Holding each other accountable.
• Not fearing being called out or in, recognizing these as opportunities for growth and a demonstration of commitment to community.

The overarching message is that collective support and mutual care are essential for navigating life's challenges and fostering individual and collective well-being.