Becoming Who You're Truly Meant to Be | Bergsveinn Ólafsson | TEDxClaremontGraduateUniversity

Key Concepts

• Psychological flexibility: Adapting, shifting perspective, and making choices aligned with values despite obstacles.
• Values: Principles that guide decision-making and provide a sense of purpose.
• Discomfort tolerance: The ability to sit with and learn from uncomfortable thoughts and emotions.
• Identity funeral: A ritual to symbolically let go of past identities to make space for new ones.
• Loss aversion: The tendency to focus more on potential losses than potential gains.
• Future self-reflection: Seeking advice and perspective from an imagined future version of oneself.
• Call to change: The internal prompting to transform and evolve into one's potential.

Quitting Football and the Initial Identity Crisis

In 2020, the speaker, Beggi, a former professional football player in Iceland, experienced a shift in his passion for the sport. He realized he no longer cared about matches, training, or the game itself. After reflecting on why he was still playing, he decided to quit, a decision that drastically changed his life. He left football, ended an eight-year relationship, and moved to Los Angeles. This period was marked by an identity crisis, feeling like "a nobody" and questioning his value outside of football. He emphasizes that change, though initially perceived as loss, is an "invitation to become the person we're meant to become."

Psychological Flexibility as a Key to Navigating Change

Beggi highlights that his decision to quit wasn't a sudden impulse but a promise he made to himself after experiencing bullying from a former coach in 2018. This experience instilled in him the importance of truth as a core value. He emphasizes the role of "psychological flexibility" in navigating this challenging period. Psychological flexibility involves:

• Focusing on what matters: Filtering out distractions and focusing on the bigger question of "who do I want to become?"
• Sitting with discomfort: Approaching thoughts and emotions with open awareness rather than avoidance.
• Learning from emotions: Recognizing discomfort as information guiding you toward what truly matters.

He stresses that developing psychological flexibility is an ongoing process that requires "mental reps," including sitting with discomfort, allowing the mind to wander, and reflecting.

Transition to a New Mission and the PhD Application

After quitting football, Beggi pursued a master's degree in psychology and discovered a new mission: to understand what makes life meaningful and teach others how to achieve it. He transitioned into a successful business, hosting a popular podcast, coaching influential people, and gaining a significant social media following. Despite this success, he felt a deeper calling and applied to PhD programs in the US. He was accepted into Claremont Graduate University, a decision that triggered another wave of fear and uncertainty.

Outsmarting Fear: Reframing Loss and Seeking Advice from Future Self

Beggi describes his mind as a "human seesaw," oscillating between excitement and panic. He realized that his mind was fixating on potential losses, a natural human tendency due to "loss aversion." To counteract this, he:

• Reflected on potential gains: He considered the increased expertise, adventure, new connections, and opportunities that the PhD program could offer.
• Sought advice from his future self: He wrote a letter from his future self, who emphasized the regret of choosing comfort over courage and the "ultimate sacrifice of becoming who you could become."

He highlights that people regret the risks they didn't take (76% regret not fulfilling their ideal self) far more than the risks they did take.

The Identity Funeral and Embracing Transformation

After moving to LA, the initial novelty wore off, and Beggi struggled with his sense of purpose and belonging. During a call with his best friend, he realized he needed to let go of his past identities as an Icelandic coach and podcaster. He hosted an "identity funeral," a ritual to symbolically say goodbye to his old selves and make space for his new identity as an American researcher. He emphasizes that rituals help us process change and that clinging to past identities can trap us. He concludes that transformation isn't just about becoming someone new but about having the courage to meet the person you've always been beneath the accumulated identities.

Conclusion: The Call to Change and Becoming the Hero of Your Own Story

Beggi concludes by emphasizing that the "call to change" is not just an invitation but a responsibility. He encourages listeners to:

• Follow their inner truth.
• Engage in "mental reps" to develop psychological flexibility.
• Focus on potential gains rather than losses.
• Let go of past identities to allow new ones to emerge.

He asserts that the real reward of an adventure is the person you become, the wisdom you earn, and the impact you make on the world. He ends with an empowering message: "Maybe it's time to stop waiting, stop doubting, to finally take your own call to change because maybe, just maybe, you are the hero in your own story."