6 Steps to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence | Ramona Hacker | TEDxTUM

Key Concepts

Emotional intelligence, emotional awareness, harnessing emotions, managing emotions, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, acknowledging emotions, differentiating emotions, analyzing emotions, reflecting on emotions, handling emotions, emotional education.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence (EI) is defined as the ability to identify and manage one's own emotions and the emotions of others. It encompasses three key skills:

• Emotional Awareness: Empathy towards oneself and others.
• Harnessing Emotions: Applying emotions to tasks such as problem-solving.
• Managing Emotions: Regulating one's own emotions and influencing the emotions of others (calming down or cheering up).

The speaker emphasizes that being highly emotional does not automatically equate to high emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence involves understanding and managing emotions, not just expressing them freely.

The Speaker's Personal Journey

The speaker shares her personal experience of realizing her lack of emotional intelligence after experiencing a burnout. Before the burnout, she relied solely on rationale and dismissed emotions as illogical. The burnout revealed her emotional side and highlighted the need to develop emotional intelligence.

The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

The speaker argues that a lack of emotional intelligence is a root cause of many societal problems, including:

• Judging and bullying
• Abuse
• Toxic relationships
• Sexism and racism

These issues stem from an inability to understand the difference between oneself and others and to connect on an emotional level.

The Need for Emotional Education

The speaker stresses the importance of recognizing emotional intelligence as a crucial skill and actively working on it, both individually and as a society. She criticizes the current educational system for prioritizing academic and extracurricular achievements over emotional development. Children need the space to understand themselves and their emotions.

Six-Step Guide to Developing Emotional Intelligence

The speaker presents a six-step guide based on her experiences:

1. Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize emotions as valuable. Ask others how they are feeling and answer authentically when asked. Normalize talking about emotions.
   • Example: Instead of complaining about colleagues, say "I don't feel appreciated at work."
   • Supporting Evidence: Research by António Damásio suggests that damage to brain areas responsible for emotions impairs rational decision-making.
2. Differentiate and Analyze Emotions: Identify the core emotion being felt, as people often substitute the original emotion with one they are more comfortable with.
3. Accept and Appreciate Emotions: Understand that emotions are neither good nor bad; they gain connotation through society.
   • Example: Sadness is a beautiful illustration of appreciation for someone or something.
4. Reflect on Emotions and Their Origin: Understanding the cause of an emotion can help in handling it.
5. Handle Emotions: Find individual ways to manage emotions.
   • Examples: Writing down emotions, reading books on the topic, talking to friends, sports, meditation.
   • Supporting Evidence: Study by Pennebaker and Smyth on the positive effects of written expression of emotions, detailed in their book "Opening Up by Writing It Down."
6. Handle the Emotions of Others: Understanding and awareness are key. Ask others how you can support them or how they can support themselves.

Implementing Emotional Education in Schools

The speaker advocates for implementing emotional education in schools. This includes:

• Teaching children about different emotions and their functions.
• Providing a space to openly talk about emotions.
• Helping children accept and appreciate their emotions.
• Incorporating books and case studies on emotional intelligence into the curriculum.

The Impact of Emotional Intelligence

The speaker envisions a world where everyone is emotionally intelligent, leading to:

• Better decision-making
• Reduced emotional suffering
• Improved interpersonal relationships
• Better handling of differences, mental health, and conflicts
• A more inclusive world characterized by mutual understanding, acceptance, tolerance, and connection.

Synthesis/Conclusion

The speaker argues that emotional intelligence is a crucial skill that is often overlooked in modern society. By understanding and managing our emotions and the emotions of others, we can improve our personal lives and create a more compassionate and understanding world. The six-step guide and the call for emotional education in schools provide actionable steps towards achieving this goal.