3 simple ways to build community | Rhona Segarra | TEDxSurrey

Key Concepts

Rights of passage, loneliness epidemic, belonging, in-person gatherings, culture of connection, rituals, inclusivity, safe spaces, connection building.

Step Forward: Rights of Passage and Rituals

The speaker highlights the decline in religious participation and the rise of loneliness, referencing the 2023 Surgeon General's advisory labeling loneliness an epidemic. She suggests adapting religious practices to build belonging and ease loneliness, even without religious affiliation. The first step is to "step forward" by creating rights of passage ceremonies to mark milestones.

• Religious organizations and milestones: Religious organizations traditionally mark milestones with ceremonies like bat mitzvahs, initiations, and naming ceremonies.
• Secular rituals: The speaker emphasizes that rights of passage ceremonies can be created outside of religious institutions.
• Example: Baby Teao's "baptism": A couple asked the speaker to create a non-religious baptism for their baby, Teao. Family and friends gathered, shared dreams for Teao's life while touching his head with lavender water, and sang "This Little Light of Mine." This created a feeling of connection.
• Importance of creating memorable rituals: The speaker shares a personal anecdote about her aunt June's confirmation ceremony, which remains a precious memory for her.
• Actionable advice: When someone in your life reaches a milestone, create a ritual to celebrate them and make them feel special. Even if they seem embarrassed, they will remember it.
• Key takeaway: Rights of passage help us feel like we belong at every step of our lives, easing loneliness.

Step Outward: In-Person Gatherings

The second step is to "step outward" by gathering in person.

• Religious organizations and social events: Religious organizations build worship and social events into their calendars.
• Benefits of in-person gatherings: In-person gatherings add fun and meaning to life.
• Speaker's personal anecdote: Card games: The speaker recalls her family's weekly card games, emphasizing that the connection was more important than the activity itself.
• Counteracting isolation: The speaker acknowledges the ease of staying home with technology but stresses the importance of connection.
• Actionable advice: Schedule potlucks, game nights, and theme parties with favorite people. Watch TV shows or sports together at homes, parks, or coffee shops. Schedule the next event before leaving the current one.
• Addressing discomfort: The speaker encourages those who feel uncomfortable stepping out to take one small step towards connecting with someone.
• Key takeaway: Find excuses to gather in person and bring snacks to foster connection in an increasingly isolated world.

Step Together: Creating a Culture of Connection

The third step is to "step together" by creating a culture of connection.

• Inclusivity: The speaker acknowledges that religious communities can sometimes feel exclusive and encourages broadening communities to include all worldviews.
• Creating safe spaces: When we step together, we can create a culture where everyone feels safe and included.
• Example: Youth camp: At a youth camp, participants introduced themselves with pronouns and created their own agreements for behavior. This fostered trust and acceptance, allowing teens to speak openly and listen deeply.
• Actionable advice: Create a culture of connection with families and friends, inspired by the youth camp's guidelines.
• Youth camp guidelines:
  • "Don't yuck my yums": Don't tease me if I like something you don't.
  • "You are welcome just as you are": No fixing needed, no fixing allowed.
  • Respect the space: Give full attention to the person speaking and keep the space clean.
  • "Follow the tilapia rule": Be flexible and go with the flow.
• Key takeaway: Cultivate spaces where people can come as they are and be who they are.

Synthesis/Conclusion

Even without religious affiliation, individuals can adapt religious practices to ease loneliness and build belonging. This involves creating rituals for milestones ("step forward"), gathering in person ("step outward"), and fostering a culture of connection ("step together"). By implementing these steps, individuals can enrich their lives and the lives of those around them. The speaker concludes by emphasizing the worth of individuals and their relationships.